Published December 12, 2011
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140,637 Literary Works • 673,574 Reviews
Oh my gosh! It was so realistic I had a pretty good image of the scene!
It was short but it gave me thrills. I really like the fact that it started and ended quite soon and was able to narrate a vague though not the exact story. Most of us were able to, I'm sure, Imagine what could have happened a while back. It was the kind that we call here the snip and snap. Very clean. I liked it a lot. Good work. Keep it going...
Also... Most of them here tend to write chapters and chapters that hardly conclude or end. And they only create a good start and never get to an end. But, you did a good work there. To come up with something like that? Great work. Well done...
Really good, no mistakes at all!
Next time give a description of the room or the area around the character, for the reader to imagine everything to its fullest extent... Otherwise, great job! Hope you write a consecutive story to this!
- Midnight
OH MY GOD your going to give me nightmares!!!!!!!!!
That was SO SCARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gosh brrrr, its freaky and awesome, in a very freaky scary way......
Nice! I love how dark and mysterious it is! I love stories like these and I've not seen many of these on here yet so this is refreshing! I love how the first few lines seem to lure the reader in (because they certainly lured me in!). I love how sadistic you've made the character, and when he laughs at his dead fiancée it's just...even more sadistic and quite awesome, to be honest. I found no mistakes as I read it, and I guess I can say no more, apart from keep up the good work!
Freaky story... but pretty epic. I love how sadistic this character is, especially when he laughs at his dead fiance. Just one thing though:
I was just thinking that he wouldn't know what his face looked like (if his smile was sinister) seeing as he can't see what his expression is, but I get what you mean. Maybe just rephrase it?
Overall, I found this story quite enjoyable...
This was an enjoyable dark story, though it made me gag. I found no mistakes what so ever so good job!