I.
"Are you there"
Has never been so tough a question
Until I met you
I know I've made my promises
Broken a lot
Yet kept so few
But this one thing I've got
Believe me,
It's one thing I'll hold on to
"I'm right behind you"
Is what I always say
It never mattered
whether I was a few steps back
Or one mile away
I think both of us knew even then
I would follow you anyway
And this where the important part comes up
Maybe it's the part I say my excuses
Maybe it's the part I stay behind
Maybe it's the part you go ahead
Either way
"Are you there"
Will have an answer.
But the answer won't be the same.
II.
"Are you there"
Had never been so tough a question
Maybe it never was in the first place.
As much as I want to say I'm right behind you
As much as I want to walk the same pace
I know that in the end
Your road is not my road
And at some point
We're bound to go separate ways
I think I knew this long before
Perhaps right from the start
You can blame this one on me
Me and my stubborn heart
The road wasn't big enough for two
It's thin ice that's bound to crack
You can blame this one on me
Me and my heavy pack
Perhaps I carry too much sorrow
So much that I cannot move ahead
I know you say I should lighten the load
Perhaps leave a few things from here and there
But how does one leaves pieces of her heart
For a road that cannot bend?
"Are you there"
Had never sounded so much
Like "are you still with me"
And as much as I wanted to say I am
I know that cannot be.
III.
"Are you there"
Had never been so tough a question
And it was tougher even
If a few were brought to mention.
"Are you there"
Becomes "Are you still with me?"
Then "Are you still with me?"
Becomes "Why did you stop following?"
However, the saddest of all,
The words worthy of a flooding
Is when I answer
"I'm right behind you"
Followed by, "Go on without me".
It was presumptuous of me
To even ask
But of the two of us
You're the one who could probably go
As far as without looking back
So please, if I call out your name
And ask you to come pick me up
Please do not answer.
Don't answer, as I won't when you call mine.
Don't answer, as I won't even when I'm far behind
And I know you'll be still be silently asking
And I still silently following
Never let it be known
That there was ever a question
Worthy of an answering
Where "Are you there"
Sounded so much like doubt
I believe saying I'm right behind
Was far worse than having without.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Hey there! It's ZeldaIsShiek here to review another quintessential piece of literature that made my day and win this Review Day by helping the Red Pandas stay in first place and reaching my goal of 80 reviews. I might even get to 100, if I work hard enough. Anyway, that's enough idle chatter from me. Let's get into the review.
I love this poem. To me it is not about the loss of a romantic partner, but the loss of someone you lived your entire life for and care about deeply. This person was obviously very important you, as leaving them seemed impossible to you. Some of the imagery in this poem really made me rethink how I view life and those who follow me. I thought that it was really sweet how the speaker in this poem would follow their friend forever, no matter how far behind she was or how far away he was. Sorry for assuming genders.
I really loved the incredible imagery and use of questions in this poem to portray a greater meaning than what jumps out at your right away. My favorite was the line about the speaker's pack being too heavy with emotional baggage, as this line drew even more parallels to hiking and/or walking behind each other. That's why I imagined this whole thing as a hiking scene.
Keep writing, and never give up expressing yourself! A revoir, ami!
~ZeldaIsShiek
this was a good story, the story itself was interesting of how the story progressed and became more transparent about how the people in the story, the relationship became. Quick thought why did you make it into three parts it did work amazing but why did your choice this method for this story. also this story I love so much about it and how it comes together in a way that not usually used in this type of story. I like the story and keep on writing @Vina
This just about broke my heart. The poem is meant to pull on heartstrings, and I think this just yanked it right out of my body. Your repetition of "Are you there?" and "Are you still with me?" is powerful and memorable.
Your use of language, the rhythm, the beat, and the way the stanzas are lined is steady. It never cracks or becomes drab.
I also like how you made an allusion of the Greek myth Orpheus and Eurydice.
The poem is deep and rhythmatic, and I honestly think you are one of the best poets here.
Great job!!!!