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Young Writers Society


16+ Language Violence

America Gone - Chapter Eight

by Riverlight


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

November 15, 2019

Beaumont, Texas

“Well, kiddos, welcome to Beaumont!” Ginger cackled as the First Horses came to a stop near Lamar University. “If your grandpa’s reports were right, their government should just be in here.”

“Shouldn’t we go to the embassy?” Emma asked.

“They ain’t got an embassy, but we’ll work with what we’ve got. Emma, darlin’, you stay here and guard the stuff. Austin, you come on with me.”

The two teens nodded, Austin hopping off the wagon after Ginger. Emma checked one of the shotguns, making sure it was loaded.

The old woman and the young man walked side by side across the campus, until they reached a medium sized dining hall. Opening the door for Ginger, Austin could hear a crowd yelling at one another. Stepping inside, he saw an old man beating a younger one. Some rushed forward to help, and others stopped them from helping.

“Well, Austin,” Ginger said calmly as she watched the affair, “thank God we’re not Texans.”

Suddenly, there was a deafening gunshot that ripped through the air. Austin instinctively dived, but no one else did. One or two of the Texans noticed and smirked at him. Embarrassed, he stood, noticing that on an upper balcony of the building a middle-aged woman was holding a pistol towards the sky.

“All right, settle down. Mr. Cranberry, I recognize that Mr. Felts deserves a beating for that shit he just said, but we still follow the Constitution here. Medics, carry Felts to the clinic and sedate him. And find a guard to protect him. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone tried to shoot him for saying we should join the fascists.”

Austin looked at Ginger. “Did you know about this?”

“That there are a few that want to join the fascists? Yes. Now, shut up.”

Ginger moved forward and quietly spoke to one of the three passing medics, following the woman’s orders. The medic pointed her to another man, up on the balcony. Ginger turned and motioned for Austin to follow her up the staircase.

“That woman on the balcony is Amy Vance,” she said quietly. “Do not speak unless spoken to, and even then, say little. This isn’t Tennessee.”

Austin nodded in reply.

At the top of the staircase, she caught the attention of the man, an old Latino with balding gray hair and tired eyes.

“Sergeant-at-Arms White?”

“Si,” he said. “May I help you?”

“I need you to earn your paycheck today. I’m the newly appointed ambassador from Tennessee, Ginger Fields.”

White glanced at Austin. “And the boy?”“Protection. Now, do your job. Introduce me.”

The old man sighed and nodded, turning around and going to the woman-- Vance. Now that he could get a good look at her, Austin saw that she was younger than many of the people here. She was tan with dark blonde hair and blue eyes, with a Cross tattooed on the back of each hand. The two spoke for a moment in hushed voices. Vance stepped aside, and White called, “Madam President! Mr. Speaker! The ambassador from Tennessee, Ginger Fields!”

Ginger motioned for Austin to stay where he was. She strode forward, a politician’s smile plastered across her face. She shook hands with Vance and another person, an Afro-Latino man with a name badge reading “Sec. of State Rodriguez.”

Ginger placed her hands upon the railing of the balcony, the Texans quieting down as she began to speak.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the Lone Star State," she eloquently began, "I am honored to be here before you just three short years after the attacks that tore our country apart. Texas has suffered more than most, having lost eight cities, more than any other state that we know of. But Texas is alive and strong, just as it always has been."

"Quit with th' fancy words!" one man called. "What the hell d'you want?"

"I have been sent here by President Smith of the United States--"

Some started to boo, others began to jeer. Only a handful, like Vance, White, and Rodriguez, remained quiet and respectful.

"--sent here to bring Texas back into the Union."

"Go home, Dixiecrat!" someone called.

"Texas will remain independent!"

"To the West we will go!"

"From the Mexicans we came, to the Mexicans we shall return!"

The cries and calls went on and on, back and forth. Vance moved forward and fired a pistol into the air.

"Settle down, or I'll have all of you arrested and keep you in jail until I die!" The woman angrily holstered her gun, before turning to Ginger and Austin. Quietly, she said, "Follow me. Felipe and I need to talk to y'all."

__________________________________

An intern was sent to fetch Emma and bring her inside while the wagon and horses were taken to a nearby motel. The twins were seated at a rectangular table on either side of Ginger. Rodriguez sat to the left, Vance to the right.

"Start from the beginning, Mrs. Fields," said Vance. "How has Smith claimed the presidency, and how were you selected as the ambassador? We've not heard much from the other side of the river."

"Ginger, please," she replied. "Smith, if you might recall, was the Speaker of the House when this whole affair began. He was lucky that he was visiting his mother in Memphis when the bombs dropped instead of in Nashville or D.C. When the bombs came down, we were all lucky, really. William McHale and I came out of political retirement to help out. The counties ran stuff for a while, and by the February after the bombs, we were trying to establish the government."

"And what did you start with?"

"The legislature, of course. Percy Jones was Lieutenant Governor, so he automatically became the governor. Everything else was filled in by the counties. After that, he appointed Senators, a Democrat and a Republican. House elections were held as best as they could be held, though we created fewer districts."

"From nine to five, assuming the rumors are true," Rodriguez interrupted.

"Yes. Percy thought that was best. Well, anyways, Perce still thought it was best to keep the federal capital and the state capital separate, so he signed a law making Madison County become Capital County, an independent federal district replacing D.C."

Vance held up a finger and scribbled something down. Her pen stopped writing, and with an irritated look on her face, she switched to a pencil. "Continue."

"William didn't like it, and to be honest, neither did I, but Smith was elevated to the presidency via the Speakership. Immediately after, a bill was introduced to Congress giving us the ability to extend a presidency for an appropriate period of time. I voted in favor of it, but William didn't. He was overruled by the vice president, and the legislature defeated Percy's veto. I regret approving it, to be honest. I'm hoping it'll be repealed by the time we get home."

"Why did you approve it?" Vance asked.

"I didn't exactly think that a presidential election with petty politics was something we wanted to do right now, but that was before I realized that Smith is not a man that I thought was best fit to rule the country. Sure, he's better than most, but he's not the best." Ginger reached into her bag for a handkerchief. "Same reason I regret voting for both of the Bushes."

"We all make mistakes," Vance said sadly. "Continue."

Ginger nodded. "Well, more and more counties started coming to us. We had power, food, and clean water. Trade started picking up, and we started learning about other areas-- the Rednecks to the South, the Coastal States on the coast, Virginia, Kentucky. Of course, it was also about that time we learned about the fascists. We didn't get too far into claiming Arkansas before we were stopped by armed military patrols. We didn't have the strength or numbers to fight, so we've mostly kept to our side off the river."

"Except for those parts of Arkansas?" asked Rodriguez.

"Correct."

Rodriguez nodded and then looked at Vance. "I'm willing to put my money on Tennessee. I I told you that when this debate began." Vance nodded. "I know." Then, she turned to the three Tennesseans. "We have a few options moving forward," she said. "Texas can remain independent, it can join the West, it can return to Mexico, or we can rebuild America. Given that you saw that brawl when you arrived, you can tell it's not an easy decision. I need to know what we get out of joining y'all."

Ginger smirked and pulled a piece of paper from her bag. "William approved a few things that we can offer you... " She moved a stray hair out of her eyes and started to summarize what Grandpa McHale was willing to offer for Texas. “First and foremost, Texas gives us the advantage of having two sides of the Mississippi, something the West cannot and will not do so long as we can help it. Second off, while Texas gets some power from coal and smaller green power plants, Tennessee can provide extra energy because of the Tennessee Valley Authority. Also… we have gold to trade for oil, bolstering the economies of booth states.”

“What about representation in government?” Rodriguez asked.

“As far as I am aware, the most I am authorized to confirm you shall receive is seven representatives, two governor appointed Senators, and two Supreme Court Justices.”

Vance leaned back in her chair. “This is a very pressing offer…” There was an odd pause. “I’ll present the case to the legislature. At best, I think we can pull just over half of them to us.”

“Thank you, Mr. Secretary, Madam Governor. I’ll see you after the vote.”

__________________________________

Personal Notes/Commentary:

I've decided to mix up the formatting just a tiny bit to make it more... bookish, so to speak. Per usual-- if you like the change or if you don't, tell me.

So, here we finally see another nation's  government in action (more or less; I'm not quite sure whether or not a caning applies as governmental works). Sure, we saw Kentucky, but that was just a tiny glimpse into the "room where it happened," so to speak.

I hope you've enjoyed this chapter!


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Thu Sep 03, 2020 9:39 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm gonna do a review template for this because apparently that's a thing you need to do in the checklist even though I already have my own template...anyways let us see what happens.

First impressions

Umm so this was a pretty neat introduction to another functioning government of this post apocalyptic world. I think I like Amy Vance in this one. She seems like a pretty good leader and it was nice to the full sort of plan laid out. Of course I expect all of that to go wrong (this is a novel after all) but it was nice to see what the characters wanted to do. Also umm well it is definitely more "bookish" formatting as you put it but honestly the unconventional formatting was kind of fun and made it unique without detracting from it so I mean both are nice, it depends on whether you want to keep this standard or make it a little more unique.

Characters

So I can definitely see Amy Vance's character developing neatly. And I think Ginger's one too. Everyone one else is kind of just background noise for the moment but that's fine because this chapter was supposed to be about these two so the characters are pretty neat so far.

Plot

So this category. Umm..yaa this was definitely one where things moved forward quite a bit. We're starting to establish that first arc of the story and we seem to be heading for a proper climax in the near future which is good, it is chapter eight after all an you do need to start seeing some things happen.

Setting

So umm something I don't usually comment unless there is a startling lack of it but this template has it so here I am. So in this one so far I've seen a really well built setting. You've planned out most of it and you're definitely not withholding information about it. Yes this may not have much of the flowery and vivid imagery you see in some stories but this is not fantasy so that makes sense. Overall the setting has been good.


Something I liked

Umm...Amy Vance. That's about it. Her personality and method of maintaining control just seems really nice to me somehow. If you wanted her to be a character we liked good job if not, umm...well it could just be me being weird.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Image




Riverlight says...


Where are the review templates? I wanna complete at east 35, and I thought that'd be an easy one, but I can't find them. ;-;

This review made me laugh for some reason. XD

You're meant to at least somewhat like Vance. She's gonna start a political war soon enough! :D



KateHardy says...


Review Templates

There you go

:D Glad I could make you laugh.
Yaay!! Well I really like Vance. :)



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Sun Aug 16, 2020 2:53 pm
starlitmind wrote a review...



Yay, another chapter! :D

Ooh, so this chapter was definitely interesting. I think you do a really good job with the history aspect of things and setting the mood of the scene, especially the mood and atmosphere of the people. You clearly have this well thought out, and you know what you're talking about; that's what makes this so enjoyable to read ^^ I'm going to point out some of my thoughts and grammar things if you don't mind!

The old woman and the young man walked side by side across the campus, until they reached a medium sized dining hall. Opening the door for Ginger, Austin could hear a crowd yelling at one another. Stepping inside, he saw an old man beating a younger one. Some rushed forward to help, and others stopped them from helping.


Well that's intense! In the first scene, you don't need a comma before "until." I also feel like the description here is a bit, I guess boring? for a scene like this. This would be a great place for some descriptions, like how are the crowds yelling? Is there cursing? And you could provide more detail on what's happening between the old and young men. :)

Suddenly, there was a gunshot. Austin instinctively dived, but no one else did. One or two of the Texans noticed and smirked at him. Embarrassed, he stood, noticing that on an upper balcony of the building a middle-aged woman held the pistol.


Well, at least he knows what to do! I also feel that the gunshot was underplayed. Perhaps you could say how the gunshot ripped the sky or something and give it a bit more description.

GInger turned and motioned for Austin to follow her up the staircase.


Very small thing, you capitalized the I in Ginger

“That woman’s Amy Vance,” she said quietly. “Do not speak unless spoken to, and even then, say little. This isn’t Tennessee.”


This may just be me, but since the last person you mentioned was the man the medic pointed to, I initially thought the man was Amy xD And then I figured it was the medic, but later I figured it was the woman on the balcony. Again, that may just be me being dumb, but I figured I'd point it out that it was a bit unclear to me.

“Si,” he said. “May I help you?”“I need you to earn your paycheck today. I’m the newly appointed ambassador from Tennessee, Ginger Fields.”

White glanced at Austin. “And the boy?”“Protection. Now, do your job. Introduce me.”


Just another small thing: when you switch speakers, start a new paragraph :)

She shook hands with Vance and another man, an Afro-Latino man with a name badge reading “Sec. of State Rodriguez.”


This is just me being incredibly picky, but when you say "and another man, an Afro-Latino man..." the "man" gets a bit repetitive. I think you could remove the first one or the second one.

Ginger placed her hands upon the railing of the bacon


Does bacon mean balcony? I never knew that xD

Some started to boo, others and to jeer.


This sentence is worded a bit weirdly to me.

The twins were seated at a rectangle table on either side of Ginger.


I usually hear/read "rectangular table"

"Ginger, please," she replied. "Smith, if you might recall, was the Speaker of the House when this whole affair began. He was lucky that he was visiting his mother in Memphis when the bombs dropped instead of in Nashville or D.C. When the bombs came down, we were all lucky, really. William McHale and I came out of political retirement to help out. The counties ran stuff for a while, and by the February after the bombs, we were trying to establish the government."
"The legislature, of course. Percy Jones was Lieutenant Governor, so he automatically became the governor. Everything else was filled in by the counties. After that, he appointed Senators, a Democrat and a Republican. House elections were held as best as they could be held, though we created fewer districts."


This is a spot that really showcases you have planned this out well and know what you're talking about!

Immediately after, a bil was introduced to Congress


I believe you meant "bill"

I didn't exactly think that a presidential election with petty politics was something we wanted to do,


I believe you meant to put a period, not a comma.

I liked the change in formatting! I think it works quite well.

Overall, I think this is my favourite chapter. It's really well written. I hope this helped! :D




Riverlight says...


AHHHH!!!! I POSTED THE DRAFT!!!!

I WILL FIX THIS IMMEDIATELY!!!!



Riverlight says...


Okay! Fixed! XD



starlitmind says...


I'm glad it's fixed! xD Your drafts seem pretty legit as well! cx :D



Riverlight says...


Thanks! I write my drafts, revise twice, and then tuck it away for publishing. Quick, efficient, and easy-- unless I publish the wrong bit XD




As a writer, I'm more interested in what people tell themselves happened rather than what actually happened.
— Kazuo Ishiguro