z

Young Writers Society


16+

Tale of Souls - Chapter Three

by Riverlight, Stringbean


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

An Elven chant seemed to overcome the gathered Men, Elves, Dwarves, and other races as they sat in one of the great halls beneath the mountains. Harnon knew the voice well enough, for it belonged to one with the cheerful voice of a lark. But the chant was long, and sad, and only a few lines of it are still remembered.

Deep beneath the ground they dwell,

the stout Dwarves born of ancient rock;

their forges burn with the fires of hell,

and are warmed by those of ancient rock.

The chant had, of course, belonged to Sílriel, for she had come with her father out of the Elven forests. The Elf maiden stood calmly to one side of the room, covered in shadows

The room itself was large, having been hewn from rock almost a century ago by the good Dwarves of Misty Halls. The walls were lined with murals and small shafts of colored light that all met at the heart of the room, where a sun dial sat on the ground. Along the walls, each guest had a chair with a small table next to it; on that table, all had a drink, for lunch had ended almost a half hour ago. At the far end of the hall, the fattest Dwarf sat-- Thondin the Dwarf Lord. His wide, snowy white beard reached down to his knees, and his ancient eyes gazed over the room.

"Once again," his deep voice said slowly. "Welcome and well met. Greetings to the Elf King, the Northern Chieftains, and the Southern Tribes."

A small chorus of unintelligible greetings in return and grunts of approval came from the Misericord chiefs, more than a dozen in total. In the middle of their line, heavy shoulders draped with an earthy red cloak, Aborine sat, leaning on his elbow, his keen blue gaze taking in all the room with a faint, confidant smile. One of his young messengers stood quietly beside him in dark colors, his hands behind his back-- the dark-haired, fair-skinned elf who had traveled with his tutor to Harnon's camp three days ago.

Harnon dipped his head to them. "For those of you that do not know me, I am Harnon Long-spear, son of Himlben, who was the great-great-great-grandson of the first Chieftain, Daethdr the Dragon-hearted. Our lands stretch from Misty Pass in the valley above us to the mountains of the East, and then North to the Sea, and West to the edges of the great cities of Men and other folk. These lands we do protect, and yours we seek to protect as well."

Aborine dipped his head a little as he watched Harnon. He removed his fingers from his chin and lip to reply, "Only to help us protect it ourselves, good Chief, and for that we all are grateful and in your debt."

"The debt is paid," Astoria interrupted. "So long as the people of the western cities are fed and we recieve two of your Dwarf smiths, it is paid."

"Dwarf smiths?" Thondin asked. "Were the talents of Misty Halls not to your liking?"

"Of course not, Lord," Harnon said. "I have already used some of your finest smiths to complete what I have in mind. But it shall take a bit of the gentleness and calmness that the southerners use in their own works to complete\e mine."

"And what is it that you are making?" Falembaifar asked.

"An heirloom," Harnon answered mystically.

"And we've brought you your craftsmen," Aborine put in with his faint smile. He looked off to his left as he lifted a calloused hand. Two dwarves, both with heavy arms and with the heat and soot of the forge worked into their faces, stepped forward from beside one of the chiefs and bowed their heads to Harnon. "Divor, son of Mamion of the far North, and Aindor, our master craftsman where all metals are concerned. They do work fitting for the most precious trinkets, they will please you." Aborine concluded with a satisfied nod and looked back to Harnon.

"You will be the safest Misericords in all the North," Harnon said. "Is there nothing else?

No reply.

"Well... Let us begin." Falembaifar said. He nodded to one of the servants near the Dwarf Lord. The servant pulled a lever, and the little light in the room disappeared. Suddenly, blue wisps appeared and pranced through the air. Part of the floor sank beneath the ground and made way for a great stone table that reached to all of those seated. On this table was a magical map, detailed with every tree, every person, and every bird on the continent. Miniature trees seemed to stand on the table. A young Dryad tried to touch them, but his hand went through them.

"This is the map created by one of our great allies," Falembaifar said. "She could not be here this day, for she was delayed, but this map is her creation. There is none other like it, and she has deemed it best not to create another."

Beside Aborine, the blue wisps and light of the map shone in the young elf's crystal blue eyes with awe. Across the room on either side of him, the Misericord chiefs stirred, some anxiously, as the floor sank and the spell-bound table placed itself in front of them. Even Aborine's cool demeanor changed as he took in this creation with a cautious gaze.

"It's no wonder that we've heard of magnificent things north of the mountains," one of the older chiefs said quietly as he studied a pair of farmers on a cart in the middle of a winding road in front of him.

These Southerners are so simple, Astoria thought.

Falembaifar studied his forest home while Harnon stood, taking a long stick that had been laying beside his seat. Pointing at the map, he said, "My current camp is here, just a few leagues north and west of the pass." A marker appeared there-- a wooden piece shaped like a horse's head. It took some of them a moment to realize it was a chess piece. "As you can see--" he made his stick point to various riders on the map-- "our messengers have already been sent out to gather our forces. We have also requested our allies, the White Wolves of Tolketh Nagrene help guard the Pass at all costs."

"What is this Tolketh Nagrene?" one of the Misericords asked. "I have not heard of it."

"It is a secret place deep within the mountains, where most cannot, will not, and dare not go," Harnon answered. "The snows there are dangerous, and the air is cold. That is why only the White Wolves live there and do not share it's location on any map."

The murmur continued around the table. Aborine sat staring in thought at the map with his fingers over his chin and lips again.

"If things go well, the eastern armies will not reach as far as the Pass," he said. He looked up again as he added, "Our first battle will be the and our greatest advantage. They will not be expecting it and won't be prepared in numbers, supplies, or mind."

"Agreed," said Falembaifar. "The armies of the Chieftains are the greatest the world as known in centuries, when my great-grandfather cast a great deal of darkness from our world." He stood and took Harnon's stick, placing it at the heart of the Elven realm. "From here, my armies will sail down the Great River in small barges and boats to meet the Dwarves of Misty Halls at the Pass. Harnon will take his feet and sail around the coast to reach the stretch of Shanosa closest to the Sea. Questions?"

"Why ?" an old Chieftainess at the end of the row wanted to know. "That is far west on the plains."

"We can crush them between our armies," a small fairy said in a high-pitched voice as she fluttered above her seat. "It is a great strategy that has worked historically, such as at the Battle of the Lair."

Harnon nodded. "As Deborah--"

"You're saying it wrong again," she snapped hastily. "Dee-bore-uh, not Deb-rah."

Harnon dipped his head. "As Deborah said, we can crush the easterners with this tactic. It's effective, and it drives them out more easily."

The Misericords around the table were quiet for a few moments. Aborine finally broke his furrowed gaze from the map and nodded thoughtfully as he looked back up. "They often come far enough into the plains that we should have little trouble cutting them off on the west side."

"Good. It's settled, then," said Harnon, the younger man said firmly. "We'll drive out these invaders, Master Wood. Misericord will be free soon enough,"

The chieftain nodded once, slowly. The soft glow of the enchanted map played off the weathered curves of his cheek and temple. Aborine's mouth turned up a little at the side.

And on his left, watching silently from close by and unnoticed, the young elf messenger looked across the room. He found the solemn face of his teacher against the shadowed wall, chin tipped down and eyes resting on the floor in front of his feet. The elf watched him a long moment before blinking and looking back to his chief. The man was smiling faintly with confidence as he looked across the table at Harnon and gave him a single nod.

Said Falembaifar, "Let it begin."


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
465 Reviews


Points: 29825
Reviews: 465

Donate
Sat Mar 27, 2021 8:34 pm
View Likes
starlitmind wrote a review...



HELLO. <3

An Elven chant seemed to overcome the gathered Men, Elves, Dwarves, and other races as they sat in one of the great halls beneath the mountains.


I am getting such the hobbit vibes c:

The Elf maiden stood calmly to one side of the room, covered in shadows


( just some end punctuation missing! c: )

The walls were lined with murals and small shafts of colored light that all met at the heart of the room, where a sun dial sat on the ground.


I'm really enjoying your verbs and descriptions here; especially since you aren't saying "there was a sun dial" but instead used a verb to describe it's position!

Along the walls, each guest had a chair with a small table next to it; on that table, all had a drink, for lunch had ended almost a half hour ago. At the far end of the hall, the fattest Dwarf sat-- Thondin the Dwarf Lord. His wide, snowy white beard reached down to his knees, and his ancient eyes gazed over the room.


Omg poor Thondin xD Personally, I wouldn't include a description of an elf in the same paragraph you're describing the place, as it kinda jumps quickly? And I felt it was a bit random - but it's up to you! That's just how I feel about it ^_^

In the middle of their line, heavy shoulders draped with an earthy red cloak, Aborine sat, leaning on his elbow, his keen blue gaze taking in all the room with a faint, confidant smile.


Ooh, I love this description! Not only do we get some physical characteristics, but also a little snippet into his personality

One of his young messengers stood quietly beside him in dark colors, his hands behind his back-- the dark-haired, fair-skinned elf who had traveled with his tutor to Harnon's camp three days ago.


This may also be just me, but since you put the dates after "his hands behind his back" I thought you were going to describe his back or something xD maybe you could put this little part after "one of his young messengers" ? up to you!! ^_^

"Dwarf smiths?" Thondin asked. "Were the talents of Misty Halls not to your liking?"


Oof

On this table was a magical map, detailed with every tree, every person, and every bird on the continent.


Omg that must be one chaotic map

There is none other like it, and she has deemed it best not to create another."


Makes sense xD

These Southerners are so simple, Astoria thought.


So it seems like this story is 3rd person in her POV, but it doesn't really seem like that? I feel like if we got more of her personal thoughts or saw things through her eyes, she would be better established as a narrator. But for now, it doesn't really feel like we are getting her personal thoughts and insight :p

do not share it's location on any map."


( I believe that's supposed to be "its" c: )

"Our first battle will be the and our greatest advantage. They will not be expecting it and won't be prepared in numbers, supplies, or mind."


I hope so >.>

"You're saying it wrong again," she snapped hastily. "Dee-bore-uh, not Deb-rah."


omg xDD I love this little but of humour, Deborah sounds scary though :c

Said Falembaifar, "Let it begin."


AHHH and it begins >.<

They really do sound like they have a well formulated plan! But things don't always go as planned, especially in novels and when the author likes killing off their characters >.> I do hope that in the first battle they will indeed have the advantage and the other side won't figure out they're planning to attack 0.0

I'm still curious as to who the other side is! I wonder what their motives are / why this was ir being fought. I hope we can find out soon so I can get truly invested xD

much luck in your future writings <333




Riverlight says...


Thanks for the review! <333



starlitmind says...


<3333333



User avatar
178 Reviews


Points: 34
Reviews: 178

Donate
Fri Sep 04, 2020 1:12 pm
View Likes
MaybeAndrew wrote a review...



Hey! Back again to review!
I enjoyed this chapter a lot, felt very realistic. But once again, it feels more like I reading the meeting report than a novel. I want to see from the character's eyes, I want to feel what they are feeling. I can see lots of threads of story being weived that I like.
But into specifics!

"For those of you that do not know me, I am Harnon Long-spear, son of Himlben, who was the great-great-great-grandson of the first Chieftain, Daethdr the Dragon-hearted.

Dope introduction
"The debt is paid," Astoria interrupted. "So long as the people of the western cities are fed and we recieve two of your Dwarf smiths, it is paid."

I didn't even realize Astoria was there, if she is the main character it would be nice to get some more things from her perspective.
"An heirloom," Harnon answered mystically.

Mystically doesn't feel like the right word to me
No reply.

This is present tense, the rest has been past, so you have to say something like, "There was no reply"
Suddenly, blue wisps appeared and pranced through the air. Part of the floor sank beneath the ground and made way for a great stone table that reached to all of those seated

I couldn't really parse this description, but that may have just been me.
"Why ?" an old Chieftainess at the end of the row wanted to know. "That is far west on the plains."

Seemed like a weird way to word that, you could just say "An old chieftainess at the end of the row asked"
But that all just my two cents, hope it helped!
As I said, I like this, but I would love to really be there and feel it. Maybe slow things down a bit, give us in between scenes to get to know our characters as people.
Thanks, and keep writing!
-Andrew




Stringbean says...


(As coauthor) Thanks for the review!



User avatar
78 Reviews


Points: 18
Reviews: 78

Donate
Fri Sep 04, 2020 6:43 am
View Likes
Buranko wrote a review...



Hello there fellow writer .
Really nice story. I always loved the fantasy genre with a war like feeling. I feel that the preparations so far are the perfect amount if u get what I am saying(not too much, but not few either). The descriptions allow my brain to fully process what is happening and boy do I love them. Especially your careful painting of the character's faces.
Really looking forward to seeing your next chapter




User avatar
120 Reviews


Points: 5578
Reviews: 120

Donate
Fri Sep 04, 2020 1:45 am
View Likes
Overwatchful wrote a review...



Hello, Stormblessed here!
Good story so far! Definitely a LOTR feeling to it, if that's what you were going for. There are barely any mistakes, so I'll point them out for you.

his keen blue gaze taking in all the room with a faint, confidant smile.

You misspelled confident here. It's spelled with an E, not an A.

southerners use in their own works to complete\e mine."

Just a mistype here.

"Why ?"

Another mistype, just remove the space.

These were all the ones I could find, so great job! I can't wait for the next part!
Hope this helped,
Stormblessed242
Image




Riverlight says...


Glad you like it! :D We'll fix them soon.



Stringbean says...


Thanks!



Overwatchful says...


No problem!



Overwatchful says...


No problem!




"Sometimes even shooting stars find wishes that miss their marks."
— TryHardNinja