z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language Violence

Chapter 5: The Empress, The Hag, and The Cane

by Riverlight, Stringbean


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

Michael angrily wrapped his fingers against his desk in Asterin's palace, impatiently awaiting the text from Asterin that would alert him--

Ding.

Michael glanced at his phone screen, stiff jawed.

He's here, Asterin texted him. Be ready.

Michael stood, back aching, and walked out of the door to his suite.

"Down the hallway," he muttered, "up three floors, head south... north... How can she get around this place?"

After almost half an hour of being lost, he finally made his way to Asterin's throne room. Some of the other leaders had come to Nesrin just to see how things would play out.

On a raised platform, Asterin sat upon the Nesrin throne, regally glaring at anyone that dared look at her-- barring Sinestra, who was glaring at everyone just as angrily. Michael caught a glimpse of Queen Cynthia and a man named Loni, a yellow-skinned fellow from Campaignia. Not far from them stood Queen Ismelda of Allegoria, her granddaughter Elizabeth, or Lizzie, at her side. Michael walked around the room to stand with them.

"Aunt Ismelda," he said quietly, "Lizzie, I didn't know you would be here."

"I told Asterin to keep it a secret lest I ask Sinestra to cane her again," Ismelda answered, a smile hanging at her lips. The old woman's pale gray hair lay neatly down her back, her dark teal dress resting about a foot behind her. A golden tiara rested upon her head, and she wore a silver ring embedded with emeralds and sapphires upon her left hand.

Michael glanced at Lizzie. "Are you treating your grandmother well?"

The little five-year-old nodded happily. "Uh-huh," she said. "Memere and I take really good care of each other since Maman passed."

"Good," the Belecthorian said fondly. "Have you heard from your Oheim Jaques?"

"Staying busy," Ismelda interrupted. "Now, hush, someone's arriving."

Just out in the hall, a woman's flats tapped the polished floor with a quiet, unhurried step. Natalia appeared in the doorway in an elegant burgundy dress, glancing around the room as if making sure it was the right place before entering. She wasn't very tall anyway, but the high doorway dwarfed her.

As soon as he saw who it was, Michael offered her a small smile, slowly motioning for her to come stand with him. She smiled back and crossed the room to stand near his side, glancing with a friendly look at some of the others.

When she was close, Michael said, "Aunt Ismelda, Elizabeth, this is Chief Emissary Natalia Whitestar of Misericord. Natalia, these are Queen Ismelda and Grand Duchess Elizabeth, her grandmo--"

"Michael," Ismelda snapped a little hastily.

The king smirked. "Yes, O Queen."

Ismelda muttered, "Belecthorians," in reply.

Natalia looked between the two of them with a soft smile. She touched her chest with a small bow of her head to Ismelda. "I'm glad to meet both of you."

Lizzie looked up at the Misericord that towered over her. "Memere likes to say she's not old cause Grammy Sinestra is more than a hundred."

"Twelve and a half decades," a voice muttered from behind them, making all of them jump. "Oh, calm down, it's just me."

Sinestra had somehow snuck up on all them.

"Good morning," Natalia said with another small tip of her head as she collected herself.

"Stand up straight, Natalia, a limp becomes more obvious if one slouches," Sinestra replied.

The young woman's eyebrows immediately shot up. She opened her mouth to reply, but closed it again as a pink color rose to her cheeks. Her weight shifted slightly from her left to her right with an awkward nod.

"Better," Sinestra said. "Elizabeth, dear, feet together. Ismelda, chin down. Michael."

The Belecthorian smirked.

"Keep up the good work."

Evidently then, this was usual. Natalia glanced at Michael and Ismelda quickly and inhaled to try to drive the heat from her face. There was a limp, yes. A small one on her right side that she didn't think anyone had been able to notice. Natalia looked down as Lizzie tugged at her dress. "Cousin Michael is Grammy Sinestra's favorite. It's not you, Miss Natalia, don't worry."

Natalia laughed a little through her nervousness and looked up at Michael.

"She didn't even like my mother," Michael said, "and everyone loved my mother. Even the Thirans."

"Michael," Ismelda scolded.

"...fine," the Belecthorian admitted. "Some of the Thirans."

"It wasn't that I didn't like her," Sinestra said, moving towards a wide-eyed Asterin. "She played with her Brussels sprouts as a child, just like her mother did."

"Is-- Michael the only one you like then?" Natalia asked hesitantly.

"For now," Sinestra replied before she was finally out of earshot and scaring Asterin half-to-death.

The young woman slowly turned a questioning look up to Michael, who merely shrugged. "Don't look at me," he said. "I don't know what I did."

"Hush," Ismelda said. "I think this is... him."

The doors opened once more, and an older man with a uni-brow walked in. He had thick sideburns and wore a monocle, which sat just above his giant nose. "Your Imperial Highness," his high-pitched voice squeaked, "I am Quailstorm Shrekling, Acting President of the Belecthorian Repub--"

"I ought to have you dragged to the dungeons, rebel," Asterin snapped. "What business have you in Nesrin?"

From the side, Natalia studied the slim man with a neutral expression as he waddled along.

Shrekling looked in Natalia's direction, but it was not her that he was looking at. "Him," he avowed, pulling something from his pocket. "I have here a warrant for the arrest of Michael Dragonheart son of Rorimac, the pretender to the throne of the Belecthorian Republic. He has been charged with many crimes and misdemeanors, and was found guilty of fifty in absentia." The man smirked. "The courts have sentenced him to death by hanging."

Michael heard several gasps and noted that Sinestra had uttered something un-ladylike in an angry fashion. He himself remained silent, and he looked away from the president.

A small shock had kicked Natalia in the chest. Death by hanging? She was looking hard at Shrekling as she searched his face. "You're serious?" Her accent played a little heavier.

"Yes," Shrekling answered, not tearing his gaze away from Michael. "And any that dare protect him will be considered enemies of our republic--"

Sinestra growled, "Someone may need to take my cane away in case I attack this nitwit."

Natalia glanced at her briefly before looking back at the older man. "And what do you think to do about this paper of yours here?" she questioned rather calmly.

"A little something that gives him a choice," Shrekling said cruelly. "He may either return with me to Belecthoria, or..." The man smiled, a barbaric look plastered across his face. "The Sacred Dome will be destroyed, with every last Dragonheart inside of it."

"No!" Michael shouted suddenly, fire in his eyes. He marched up to Shrekling, inches from his face. "You wouldn't dare."

A hand touched Michael's elbow lightly before quickly drawing away as he turned away, leaving Natalia alone in front of the president. "Count the Council as your enemy, Mr. Shrekling," she said as she met his eye. "And only more if you desecrate the graves of the dead."

"Why would you care, Misericord?" Shrekling asked. "The lot of you are little more than spongy push--"

Shrekling fell to the floor, a cry of pain escaping his lips. Michael was merely smirking, and-- a cane was against Shrekling's back

"I told you someone needed to take it from me," Sinestra said calmly. "I might kill someone next time in some senile, crazed fit."

Natalia backed away a step in surprise, staring down at the slumped body of the president. Her jaw tightened and she slowly ran her hand down the front of her right leg without looking up.

The other world leaders exchanged murmurs and groans; Ismelda actually smiled. Sinestra limped back to her place beside Asterin. Michael knelt down and poked Shrekling a few times before looking at Sinestra. "Is he dead?"

"Yes," Sinestra said sarcastically. "So very dead. Definitely would die from lack of oxygen if we went ahead and buried him."

Michael's gaze turned to Asterin. "What should we do with him?"

The Empress shrugged. "Imprison him, I guess. He did kinda threaten you."

"Up to you."

"Burn him at the stake and watch his bones turn to ash!" Cynthia cackled wildly.

Sinestra cringed. "Ew... No thank you. The smell of burning skin is just awful."

Michael gave her a You know this how? kind of look before shaking his head. She was old and probably just making it up. "Imprisonment is probably what's best for him."

While they spoke, Natalia had drawn away a little further. She let her eyes glance over them and flick towards Michael, staying silent.

Michael turned to look at Natalia before looking to one of the guards. "Take him to the medical wing. After he is tended to, take him to one of the finer rooms and keep him confined there. If he asks for anything, run it by Alexia and Phineas before delivering it to him. Any news is to come only from the Belecthorian Times-- it's unlikely he'd read anything else."

The guard nodded and motioned for two others to obey him.

"Even without a kingdom, he still has authority," Ismelda whispered, just loud enough for Natalia to hear.

Natalia looked over at her with a small smile, but it lapsed into a more serious expression again. "What will happen with him being here?"

"I would assume that if things go well, he would one day be released. If not..." Ismelda trailed off. If things turned sour, Shrekling would not be so lucky.

Natalia nodded slowly as the guards carried Shrekling out. "What about in Belecthoria?"

"They'd kill him eventually," Ismelda said somewhat casually. "Belecthorian civil wars and rebellions tend to end... very badly."

Civil war... Natalia's mind tugged her back to her own country where civil war was being whispered evermore openly.

"It'll be fine, assuming Calcitrop and the Thirans don't start abusing their so-called humanitarian efforts," Ismelda said quietly.

"What do you mean? Abuse them how?"

"I'm neither a racist nor xenophobic, Ms. Whitestar," Ismelda said firmly. "But I will let history speak for itself. They are greedy, crime-ridden, arogant, weasley, pudgy fools that do everything in their power to decieve the rest of the world."

Natalia studied Ismelda, gave her a little nod, and glanced away. These were things she had never worried about in Misericord, things the Council spoke little of and worried about less. Things that were none of their business. "I suppose we will have to watch Thira then." That was what they always did-- they watched when things flared up outside.

"Always watching," Ismelda sighed. "A watchful, never-ending half-peace."

The emissary frowned a bit. "Ma'am?"

"Well..." Sinestra had heard their conversation and started to hobble over. "There was the Long Winter that ended in the early twentieth century, in which Alexia the Third and then Rorimac the Third were the next two reigning Dragonhearts. Then came Gerontius, who then-- well, to use the modern phrase-- kept the Thirans in check. Thira and Belecthoria have never been friends. As of yet, they will not be, not until some great change--"

"Michael, I think Sinestra took the wrong medicines again," Asterin interrupted.

Sinestra sighed. "I haven't, but take me to my room. I'm twelve and a half decades old, and I'm tired. After all, I need my beauty sleep-- the cameras will be here just as soon as the war begins."


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Sun Apr 04, 2021 2:24 pm
starlitmind wrote a review...



WHAT A LOVELY TITLE XD

Michael angrily wrapped his fingers against his desk in Asterin's palace


do you perhaps mean "rapped his fingers"? like drumming his fingers against the desk? or perhaps I misunderstood! ^_^

After almost half an hour of being lost, he finally made his way to Asterin's throne room.


oh my goodness poor Michael, I can't imagine how huge it is xD was there no one he could've asked for help?

On a raised platform, Asterin sat upon the Nesrin throne, regally glaring at anyone that dared look at her-- barring Sinestra, who was glaring at everyone just as angrily.


Personal opinion, I think a comma might work better than the dash! but that's just how I feel, so feel free to disregard xD but wow, this sounds very intimidating 0.0

The little five-year-old nodded happily. "Uh-huh," she said. "Memere and I take really good care of each other since Maman passed."


PRECIOUS <3

She wasn't very tall anyway, but the high doorway dwarfed her.


is this a subtle roast

Sinestra had somehow snuck up on all them.


I mean, i'm not surprised though xD

"Better," Sinestra said. "Elizabeth, dear, feet together. Ismelda, chin down. Michael."


I LOVE HOW MICHAEL IS THE ONLY ONE THAT "PASSES" - THIS PART CRACKED ME UP XD

"Hush," Ismelda said. "I think this is... him."


OH WE ARE FINALLY MEETING THIS MYSTERY PERSON!

The doors opened once more, and an older man with a uni-brow walked in.


super super small thing, but maybe you could mention where he walks to / stands in relation to the rest? just so I have a better visual of the whole scene. in addition, he came suddenly, so having some more description might be nice so his dialogue doesn't come so quickly c:

"I have here a warrant for the arrest of Michael Dragonheart son of Rorimac, the pretender to the throne of the Belecthorian Republic. He has been charged with many crimes and misdemeanors, and was found guilty of fifty in absentia." The man smirked. "The courts have sentenced him to death by hanging."


I-
what
what what
um there must be some mistake 0.0

Michael heard several gasps and noted that Sinestra had uttered something un-ladylike in an angry fashion. He himself remained silent, and he looked away from the president.


the overall reaction was a lot simpler than I thought it was going to be, I think I freaked out more than they did! xD

The Empress shrugged. "Imprison him, I guess. He did kinda threaten you."


everyone is so calm about this and I don't know whether to be concerned or to laugh cx does this happen a lot?... oof

Sinestra cringed. "Ew... No thank you. The smell of burning skin is just awful."


Sinestra is my favourite, her sarcasm and remarks are unmatchable xD

something I'm really enjoying in these past few chapters is how much we are learning from the dialogue! we are getting so much past information and a lot of political details from the back-and-forth between the characters.

we are also getting a TON of characterization. sinestra and her personality once again is super distinct and shines really well xD Natalia's more reserved and quieter personality is portrayed by her body language and how she pauses a lot / says "um" / something like that. Michale's confidence is also once again shown by how nonchalant he acts about everything. the characterization is really strong this novel, especially with this chapter. I feel like I'm getting a really nice grip on these characters!

much love <333




Riverlight says...


tysm for the reviews!! I'm sure Vil and @Stringbean really appreciate them uwu

-Emma



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Thu Jan 07, 2021 10:36 pm
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SilverNight wrote a review...



Hey there! I wasn't sure what to review today, so I just thought I'd do an old one. I mostly have suggestions, some larger than others! ;-;

Michael angrily wrapped his fingers against his desk in Asterin's palace, impatiently awaiting the text from Asterin that would alert him--

Ding.

Michael glanced at his phone screen, stiff jawed.

He's here, Asterin texted him. Be ready.


Dun dun dun... Is it more like Michael is wrapping his fingers around the desk? I'm not able to visualize the "against" part.

After almost half an hour of being lost, he finally made his way to Asterin's throne room. Some of the other leaders had come to Nesrin just to see how things would play out.


Is this an exaggeration of time? If it's not, I'd recommend explaining what makes this palace to difficult to navigate, since that's a long time to be lost!

On a raised platform, Asterin sat upon the Nesrin throne, regally glaring at anyone that dared look at her-- barring Sinestra, who was glaring at everyone just as angrily. Michael caught a glimpse of Queen Cynthia and a man named Loni, a yellow-skinned fellow from Campaignia. Not far from them stood Queen Ismelda of Allegoria, her granddaughter Elizabeth, or Lizzie, at her side. Michael walked around the room to stand with them.


Texting on a throne doesn't feel quite right, especially when you've got that fierce, angry, I-Will-Eat-You-If-You-Even-Turn-Your-Head-My-Way vibe. This is just a idea, but maybe Asterin could send a royal messenger or servant to inform Michael and lead him there? That would get rid of both the lost problem and the texting problem.

I noticed that although the conversation is rather good, Shrekling isn't there for it, but I'm very sure that's who "he" was in the message. After such an ominous message, in addition to all the time it took Michael to get there, it really makes sense that whoever she warned him about would be waiting. Otherwise, Asterin's message wouldn't have come. Unless there's something I'm missing, I think something needs to be done there, because all that drama at the start seems unfounded now. I hope it's okay that I'm pointing that out! <3

Shrekling looked in Natalia's direction, but it was not her that he was looking at. "Him," he avowed, pulling something from his pocket. "I have here a warrant for the arrest of Michael Dragonheart son of Rorimac, the pretender to the throne of the Belecthorian Republic. He has been charged with many crimes and misdemeanors, and was found guilty of fifty in absentia." The man smirked. "The courts have sentenced him to death by hanging."


Noooooo, Michael! I think he's required to state what those crimes are though, instead of just saying "yeah, he did a couple of bad things" ;-;

Natalia backed away a step in surprise, staring down at the slumped body of the president. Her jaw tightened and she slowly ran her hand down the front of her right leg without looking up.


Michael knelt down and poked Shrekling a few times before looking at Sinestra. "Is he dead?"

"Yes," Sinestra said sarcastically. "So very dead. Definitely would die from lack of oxygen if we went ahead and buried him."

Michael's gaze turned to Asterin. "What should we do with him?"

The Empress shrugged. "Imprison him, I guess. He did kinda threaten you."

"Up to you."

"Burn him at the stake and watch his bones turn to ash!" Cynthia cackled wildly.

Sinestra cringed. "Ew... No thank you. The smell of burning skin is just awful."


They're all so chill about everything, except for poor Natalia XD

So, those are my recommendations. It's okay to ignore them, but I hope they're helpful! <3




Riverlight says...


No, that was a spelling mistake-- I meant rapped, not wrapped :P

Thanks for the review!



SilverNight says...


Ah, okay, you're all good there then! XD



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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: Okay so we're somewhere different again...that's umm...getting hard to keep track off...this is jumping around quite a bit and everytime we're learning so much that at this point I really don't get what's actually going on here. Its all blurring together and I'm barely able to notice anything...dunno why exactly but that's how it is right now.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Michael angrily wrapped his fingers against his desk in Asterin's palace, impatiently awaiting the text from Asterin that would alert him--

Ding.


Well that was good timing by that text message now wasn't it?

"Down the hallway," he muttered, "up three floors, head south... north... How can she get around this place?"


You asking me, 'cause I don't know.

On a raised platform, Asterin sat upon the Nesrin throne, regally glaring at anyone that dared look at her-- barring Sinestra, who was glaring at everyone just as angrily. Michael caught a glimpse of Queen Cynthia and a man named Loni, a yellow-skinned fellow from Campaignia. Not far from them stood Queen Ismelda of Allegoria, her granddaughter Elizabeth, or Lizzie, at her side. Michael walked around the room to stand with them.


Okay that's a nice establishing shot there, helps out a ton to know where people are relative to each other.

"Aunt Ismelda," he said quietly, "Lizzie, I didn't know you would be here."

"I told Asterin to keep it a secret lest I ask Sinestra to cane her again," Ismelda answered, a smile hanging at her lips. The old woman's pale gray hair lay neatly down her back, her dark teal dress resting about a foot behind her. A golden tiara rested upon her head, and she wore a silver ring embedded with emeralds and sapphires upon her left hand.


I hope that was just a joke.

When she was close, Michael said, "Aunt Ismelda, Elizabeth, this is Chief Emissary Natalia Whitestar of Misericord. Natalia, these are Queen Ismelda and Grand Duchess Elizabeth, her grandmo--"


Dang that's a lot of titles.

"Twelve and a half decades," a voice muttered from behind them, making all of them jump. "Oh, calm down, it's just me."



Right she definitely beat the current world record if I'm not mistaken that one was a 122.

The young woman's eyebrows immediately shot up. She opened her mouth to reply, but closed it again as a pink color rose to her cheeks. Her weight shifted slightly from her left to her right with an awkward nod.


Alright, I like Sinestra already.

Evidently then, this was usual. Natalia glanced at Michael and Ismelda quickly and inhaled to try to drive the heat from her face. There was a limp, yes. A small one on her right side that she didn't think anyone had been able to notice. Natalia looked down as Lizzie tugged at her dress. "Cousin Michael is Grammy Sinestra's favorite. It's not you, Miss Natalia, don't worry."


Well that's interesting now isn't it?

The doors opened once more, and an older man with a uni-brow walked in. He had thick sideburns and wore a monocle, which sat just above his giant nose. "Your Imperial Highness," his high-pitched voice squeaked, "I am Quailstorm Shrekling, Acting President of the Belecthorian Repub--"


Not judging but damn that's an unfortunate name. Great description though so points for that one.

Shrekling looked in Natalia's direction, but it was not her that he was looking at. "Him," he avowed, pulling something from his pocket. "I have here a warrant for the arrest of Michael Dragonheart son of Rorimac, the pretender to the throne of the Belecthorian Republic. He has been charged with many crimes and misdemeanors, and was found guilty of fifty in absentia." The man smirked. "The courts have sentenced him to death by hanging."


Uhh okay...interesting...

"A little something that gives him a choice," Shrekling said cruelly. "He may either return with me to Belecthoria, or..." The man smiled, a barbaric look plastered across his face. "The Sacred Dome will be destroyed, with every last Dragonheart inside of it."


That would be fun to see...I mean that would be awful...of course.

"I told you someone needed to take it from me," Sinestra said calmly. "I might kill someone next time in some senile, crazed fit."


GO GRANDMA!!

The Empress shrugged. "Imprison him, I guess. He did kinda threaten you."


The most casual imprisoning order that I've ever seen.

Sinestra cringed. "Ew... No thank you. The smell of burning skin is just awful."


I can confirm that she is correct.

"I would assume that if things go well, he would one day be released. If not..." Ismelda trailed off. If things turned sour, Shrekling would not be so lucky.


Okay wait a minute...who are we supposed to be rooting for again?

"I'm neither a racist nor xenophobic, Ms. Whitestar," Ismelda said firmly. "But I will let history speak for itself. They are greedy, crime-ridden, arogant, weasley, pudgy fools that do everything in their power to decieve the rest of the world."


Umm high density of misspelled words there. Might want to take a look.

"Well..." Sinestra had heard their conversation and started to hobble over. "There was the Long Winter that ended in the early twentieth century, in which Alexia the Third and then Rorimac the Third were the next two reigning Dragonhearts. Then came Gerontius, who then-- well, to use the modern phrase-- kept the Thirans in check. Thira and Belecthoria have never been friends. As of yet, they will not be, not until some great change--"


Okayy...I might have to take notes at things point. Ahhh so much stuff here to try to remember and I don't think I can.

Sinestra sighed. "I haven't, but take me to my room. I'm twelve and a half decades old, and I'm tired. After all, I need my beauty sleep-- the cameras will be here just as soon as the war begins."


Ahh...that got even more interesting there with that ending. Nice...umm foreshadowing...or is it just a funny line by grandma.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: So...I think I was pretty harsh earlier but then ya know just saying it like I see it because that's how this has been so far. Let's see if I make more sense of it later...dunno maybe I just have too much on my mind. :D Anyways the one positive is that I officially love Grandma now...:)

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

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Riverlight says...


Do you just love old people? XD That's about what I got out of it.



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Tue Sep 15, 2020 4:10 am
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EM8650 wrote a review...



Hey there.
I love what you have written in this chapter.
It is good to see that the plot appears to be moving forward. the way you ended the chapter by saying, "the cameras will be here just as soon as the war begins." is a really good way to end the chapter and keep your readers interested.
There are a few minor grammatical errors but nothing too major. One thing i would suggest is watch your capitalisation of words. For example, "... north." This should be capital.
Overall you have done a really great job and i look forward to reading more of your work.
Keep up the amazing writing.




Riverlight says...


Thanks for the review!




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