Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
And I am back for more.
First Impression: Okayy...I like the plot's going as long as I ignore the science. My brain is currently very busy screaming at me that this is all impossible(63 nuclear bombs would have equalled a useless radioactive wasteland that would have wiped out most of Canada with the fallout while also making the Pacific and the Atlantic too toxic for anything to survive in them. *rant is done*. Besides that I love the world building that you've done. This chapter did feel like a giant info dump though. The dialogue is almost 100% exposition. It's lacking some general family talk. You need to add a little bit more in there to make the dialogue sound natural.
Anyway let's get to it,
Grandpa McHale owned a small farm in Salt Water Springs, on the edge of the town. The house was two stories-- three bedrooms, two bathrooms. A bull was eating grass in the backyard while a cow cared for its calf. A few chickens wandered about, keeping near to the hen house in the side-yard. A few more houses like this were scattered about, a few larger ones in the distance-- mini ranches belonging to a few more well-off or well-to-do families.
That's a good description to start things off.
“Tennessee is best off,” he said. “Jackson is the federal capital, Memphis is the state capitol. We’ve got electricity, purified water, semi-normal food, that sort of thing. Lord knows how, but the old TVA stuff is still working, mostly. Volunteers from all over are working on everything they can. I never thought I’d say it, but thank God for FDR…”
He trailed off for a moment and continued again.
“To the immediate south, we’ve got that Redneck Republic. It’s most of Alabama, part of Mississippi, and just a little bit of Georgia and Florida. Bombingham-- Birmingham is their capital. About half of Texas, all of Louisiana, most of Mississippi, and a little bit of Arkansas make up the Independent Republic. Beaumont’s their capital… Part of Kentucky’s reorganized, they’re based in Prestonsburg.”
Austin nodded.”West Virginia and Virginia have chosen Charleston as their capital."
“Alright... That leaves the Coastal States and the FSA… Now, y’all went through them on your way down. I don’t rightly know how much they’ve got up north, but down here, it’s most of Florida, parts of the Carolinas, and eastern Georgia. The FSA…”
So this entire chunk. This is pretty much only worldbuilding. A little too much too fast. This has to be more spread out with some normal conversation sprinkled in there. Or maybe don't even mention all of this right now. Just put these in one by one over the course of a couple of chapters. Or else this just sounds way too much like a list. It makes this area a little bland to read.
Emma looked between her mother and grandfather. “...would someone please explain what you both just said?”
“Grandpa works for the new president,” Austin said slowly, trying to make sure he had followed them correctly. “The old governor died, so his or her second replaced them. The new one asked Grandpa to be part of Congress. The states and federal government passed a new law and added a part to the Constitution that lets Smith stay president for several more years. If things go back to the way they were, state borders will probably look a lot different. We could even lose land to Canada.”
“Yeah, that’s about it,” their grandpa confirmed. “You catch on quick.”
Austin smiled. “Thanks.”
“Well,” Alistair said after a moment or two of silence, “we’ve come this far. Might as well go to Jackson.”
“Fine,” Grandpa McHale said, “but don’t blame me if I shoot you instead of dinner.”
“Daddy,” Luna warned. “Stop it.”
See this is the sort of thing you want. Here the information flows with the rest of the story and blends in among the family conversation. If the earlier parts were done like this then that would be great.
Aaand that's it.
Overall: Looking past the overload of exposition I am loving this world that you've created. Like I said earlier it really shows that you've put a ton of work into it. The character of this grandpa is pretty unique now. I can picture him pretty well. The others however are still a little too standard. They just blend into each other at the moment. I'm hoping that changes as we go on. Once chapter 4-5 comes around they have to be unique or it's going to be a problem.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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