Young Writers Society

Ooh, this is super interesting! I love the idea of a news broadcast as a chapter! I haven't read/listened to it yet, but I'm sure this is really going to work as a summary of recent events, which will be helpful in organizing information and reminding the reader what they've learnt so far. Super unique, I love it!

I was thinking, maybe this would work better as something in between chapters? Or like a little thing at the end of chapter 16? Of course, if you like it as stand-alone chapter, that's perfectly fine too! I just was giving you another suggestion, since it's unlike your other chapters.

President Godfrey Smith of Clarksville, Tennessee has announced his vice-presidential pick way earlier than expected. Alabaman Governor Nolan Peters will be joining him on the ticket in November.

An avid independent and former Republican, Peters is known to have had trade deals with important people we should care about before Alabama was readmitted to the Union.

Supposedly, William McHale traded ammunition for stew with him-- but that’s just crazy talk, I suppose. Then again, McHale is a bit of a crazy guy, isn’t he?

What kinda guy commits to a party but doesn’t join it? What’s up with these post-apocalyptic politicians? Maybe the radiation’s messing with their heads...

For three long years, we have strived to remain America.

I dunno much about Davis, apart from him winning in Illinois, but his daddy Winthrop was the best governor we’ve ever had. Maybe greatness runs in the family… Just maybe.

Anyways, whoop-de-do. We all knew this was going to happen. This shouldn’t be some big shocker. This kind of crap happens all the time! Who the heck didn’t expect this?

So, uh... My voice is terrible XD

What the blazes is this still doing in the Green Room? *raises an eyebrow and fixes it*

Hey Vil! I finally made it here, just-- just a little late c:

So, first off I can't read this without hearing it in your voice now XDD I really like the idea of doing this chapter as a news broadcast. It's creative, a bit experimental, and summarizes a few important plot things in a quick and easy, natural way. It fits with the theme you've pattern you've brought in a few times I believe where you write newspaper articles as chapters.

It also makes it a more interesting read that you've added some color and humor from the news reporter. I could easily imagine this being something you'd hear on a more partisan news station rather than one that's "just the facts." It could also just be, however, that reporting the news in a post-apocalyptic world has made news reporters in general a bit sardonic. I think a sense of the kind of world they live in comes through in this chapter. Maybe when you revise, you could play around with ways to strengthen that, infuse it with more culture.

That's about it for this one! See ya in the next review, hopefully soon XD
~ Stringbean

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: So this was a new direction I think for you to take with one of your chapters and I think it worked out pretty well. I don't think I am going to listen to that audio so going completely just off the words here I think it flowed pretty nicely, the humorous bits didn't feel forced for the most part and there were no awkward phrases. It definitely sounded like something that could be heard on a radio.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Voice Recording - You May Have To Try This On A Different Device If It Does Not Load Properly

Live from Jackson, it’s Albert Johnson from Capitol News. Tonight’s headlines revolve around the governor of Alabama, a series of victories in Illinois, and a potential battle with the FSA in Texas and/or Tennessee.

President Godfrey Smith of Clarksville, Tennessee has announced his vice-presidential pick way earlier than expected. Alabaman Governor Nolan Peters will be joining him on the ticket in November. An avid independent and former Republican, Peters is known to have had trade deals with important people we should care about before Alabama was readmitted to the Union. Supposedly, William McHale traded ammunition for stew with him-- but that’s just crazy talk, I suppose. Then again, McHale is a bit of a crazy guy, isn’t he?

Peters has announced he will remain an independent, despite pressure to convert to the Liberal Party. Senator Juanita Flores of Texas was particularly vocal, saying that she “will support the governor, but would more fully endorse him if he was to become a convert.”

I dunno much about Davis, apart from him winning in Illinois, but his daddy Winthrop was the best governor we’ve ever had. Maybe greatness runs in the family… Just maybe.

Anyways, whoop-de-do. We all knew this was going to happen. This shouldn’t be some big shocker. This kind of crap happens all the time! Who the heck didn’t expect this?

Have a happy Tuesday, you crazy survivors. Maybe we’ll make it to the 15th tomorrow, maybe we won’t. We’ve been lucky so far. Goodnight.

So, uh... My voice is terrible XD