Believe me Lady Freya when I say,
I have realized something today.
Perhaps it was by your hand,
And regardless, it's grand!
We both know I can make poetry,
But it can be prayer, now I see.
You have brought out in me art,
May this only be the start!
Praise be to you, praise to you!
The benefits I promised were too few,
So I pray that I may offer
My art's fair coffer.
I wish not for desperation,
Yet you know my aspiration.
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125,010 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Hi, priceofwords here!
I liked your poem in that it was simple yet quite individual. The rhyming was also awesome, you definitely got that spot on!
However I wasn't quite sure what exactly the poem was about, it was a little unclear in that respect. I understand it's addressed to Lady Freya, but what I don't understand is the message that is being directed to her. Is the narrator declaring his/her love for her? Or are they thanking her for helping them both realise and achieve their aspiration? If you could let me know I would understand the poem better and like it even more!
As well as this you use the word, 'me', instead of, 'my' which I'm assuming is due to the time at which the poem is set which is totally fine. But the rest of the poem is written using our modern everyday language so this looks a bit out of place when you compare it to the rest of the piece.
One of the lines which I particularly liked was 'Praise be to you, praise to you!' And, 'The benefits I promised were too few.' I thought the rhythm of those two lines were excellent, and the one exclamation point you used provided an emotive effect that many poems lack.
Overall I loved your work, and those negatives were only ways that you can make your piece even better than it is already!
Keep writing!
priceofwords
Thank you very much for your review!
Yeah like I said to Renn who also wrote a review for this, in hindsight I'm not entirely sure why I posted THIS one--the others I've written are a bit better focused I think. This one was kind of a tangent compared to those.
Perhaps I'll post another...
I'll be happy to read it if you do!
Thanks
I just need to get more points from reviews I guess. Then I can post again.
Hello there Vikingr! I enjoy your poem (and see no glaring stylistic/grammar/etc. mistakes), but my only question is about the subject. Why is the poem addressed to Freya? Was it inspired by someone's breathtaking beauty, perhaps? Because I always knew Odin to be the god of poetry. (Norse nerd here, I get the appeal!) I rather liked the feel of the last two lines, the final line is strong and solid to end on.
Take care!
- Renn
Thank you very much!
Well yes as I understand, Odin indeed, and Bragi too are concerned with poetry/patrons of poetry. This is actually one of a few poems to Freya, not sure why I posted this one first actually lol. This one has less to do with the subject of the other ones--wanting 'somebody to love'--and is a bit of a tangent, except for the last couplet. This one's kind of like "lightbulb moment!" but the others are more about love/etc (Freya).