Dear child, fall asleep
As the twilight slowly dims.
Into shadows world descends,
Come ye hither to your bed.
Hide behind your blanket well
For the story I’m to tell
Is from old and dusty grimoire,
Written by the darkest power.
Every page within this tome
Is infused with grimmest lore.
Ghastly creatures roam the hour
Once the night hath taken power.
Dare not ye fall asleep
For eternal darkness sleeps
Deep within the dream’s domain,
Waiting to consume the pray
That so foolishly will wander
Into its confines of power.
Close your little eyes to see
Creatures of the darkness be
Right before your bed revealed,
Cloaked in shadows of abyss.
Utter not a word my dear,
For the night is drawing near;
Gently creeping to your bed,
Singing softly in your head.
Drift asleep, my dear child,
With the candle slowly dying
Only darkness will remain.
Sleep within its dark domain.
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125,030 Literary Works • 672,787 Reviews
I enjoyed your poem. It seemed to have a old-timey feel from the language that you used. I enjoyed this.
I would, however say that the flow of the poem gets broken up sometimes. For example, if you begin to read the fifth stanza out loud, you can see that the last line breaks it's measured rhythm. I would advise that when you finish a poem, if you want the rhythm to sound continued and even, read it out loud. You might not care about this at all, but that is what I would suggest. Also, your rhyme scheme is not the same throughout the poem, and that can confuse the reader. The middle two lines of the first stanza somewhat rhyme, while the first two lines of the second stanza rhyme, and so on and so forth. It can confuse the reader.
The basic bones of the poem are good, however. I liked the spin that you put on it and I hope that you continue to write poetry. I have enjoyed it.
WICKED. Love the irony of the title! It's just so dark and creepy! give me a twisting feeling in my gut! powerful stuff. Fantastic poem! ( I believe you mean prey instead of pray, but that appears to be the only error)
Wow... simply amazing. I really loved this and could see myself singing this to myself at night or to a child. It was very dark and would most likely make a child frightened but that was what made it enjoyable to me. It also reminded me of a song I like to listen to. It made me smile, oddly, and I couldn't help but reread it several times. This was brilliant and outstanding. I loved it and can't want to read more from you. Five owls out of five.
This nearly brought back memories of my long forgotten yet not too far gone childhood. This is perfectly written and simply easy to read. The fact that it is a lullaby does not make it a great thing to read at night. It might make children scream in fright. Ghastly ghouls in the air, send a message of despair. To me, it simply unveils, the darkness that prevails, in every area of life, filling it with strife.