Heyo, Raye! I'm back here with another review.
Ahhh, I loved this chapter so much. I loved the interaction between Jupiter and Ramsay, especially with the bits of the past peaking in. There are so many stones that still need to be overturned, but then like ten more stones turn up? (I hope that makes sense.) Regardless, I love the unfolding mystery that's presented here (especially the fact that there's nothing in Scott's past. Like, holy crap. Was everything about Scott just completed erased by a faery? Did this happen to Fred? Is Ramsay lying? If so, why is ve lying?)
Jupiter sighed and rested her forehead on the steering wheel.
Holy crap, Batman! That's some unsafe driving right there! Is she at least stopped at a light? D:
some were visitors with sharp teeth and hidden roads poked between realities.
She was surprised more people didn’t disappear during the flower festivals.
First part: The visual is sort of confusing? Or at least, I started to imagine visitors with sharp teeth and then fitting a road onto their bodies was kinda weird? I'm not quite sure how to fix this line, but I'd definitely separate the two visuals out? (Uh, hidden roads makes me think of like... differing paths to differing realities too? Which makes me think of the faeries? Do faeries have pointed teeth? o: )
Purple part! Why don't more people disappear? I know that Mother Superior made sure that faeries weren't a problem in the Gramarye, but Nerissa was able to come over... (And Ramsay has faerie pals, apparently? Like, uh, her warding abilities might be a bit *off*.) Did Mother Superior ward based on faerie courts? So like, Seelie faeries are chill and Unseelie can't come around?
he didn’t seem particularly invested in keeping track of his cash. She held out her wrist for the bright-pink wristband he presented her
The antecedent in this instance refers to her dad, but then the next usage is the attendant.
She’d given up trying to be invisible long ago,
In the last part, she made a bubble of ignore me -- I would assume that she would have done something similar? If so, the clarifying question I have is that if someone wants to see something under the ignore me spell, then the ignore me spell is useless? I'm wondering about Jupiter's current parameters and limitations in regards to magic.
By and large, Zelda wasn’t.
Oh man, is Zelda bullied a bunch? D: I was expecting Jupiter to go into what she saw Zelda experiencing (directly drawing contrast to her own experience), but instead it kind of fell flat and brushed over that. (Although, I love the line about the tattoo!) Was the brushing over intentional?
Okay! I really, really loved this chapter and I hope that you'll keep on writing! Let me know if there's something that you'd like me to focus on in my next review. If you ever have any questions or comments or just want to shout about your story, then you can always catch me on Discord~
-E
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Reviews: 324
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