Published July 24, 2009
My name is Violet, I am a flyer of the seasons
In fall I am a artist with lemon in my hair and sapphire between my toes
In Winter I am a haunting night owl in a haze of silver
In Spring I'm a zesty school girl with ladders in my stockings and thoughts of algebra far from my mind
In Summer I'm a placid French teacher that sometimes guilty enjoys chocolate and tabloids
I am a twister, turner, acrobat
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139,650 Literary Works • 672,643 Reviews
Hi Vera, I'm Izzy
This is a lovely little piece. I would agree with Kinera as this needs to be more spaced into verses. While I edit I shall just show a way you could do this [this is just optional]
This is just one way you can set it out, but I do think It's import you break out of just putting lines after lines. Be creative!
I also think the ending needs work, it feels like your building up to something but then you just end it. I think one more line would make this perfect.
Feel free to Pm me if you have any questions,
Izzy
Hey, wonderful piece. I know my opinion is not as important as the senior writers, but I'd like to add my thoughts if you're willing to hear them.
I'm assuming you want to capitalize "Fall" because you capitalized the other seasons. And I think a period at the end of each line is needed to give the poem a little more structure. Perhaps it would be better if you broke up the lines a bit too, for example "My name is Violet, / I am a flyer of the seasons."
Also it should be changed from "I am a artist" to "I am an artist."
Besides that it was an incredibly playful and creative piece. I enjoyed it very much.