Published May 24, 2010
I am a
Butterfly on a highway.
My wings broken and bruised
The cars drive by
Oblivious
To my sickness.
I stumble forward
My legs trying to
Hold my once beautiful wings
But they have been broken.
All the others have gone
For I could not keep up
Now I know what it’s like
To truly be alone.
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I kind of like the central image, the combination of butterfly and highway-the small in the big.
Still, I find it lacks a little bit of depth, and could benefit from a bit more exploration. Also, the punctuation is sort of erratic:
The period here should be moved to the end of the second line, and you might want to think about adding a comma to the end of the first for better flow. Commas would be nice after "forward", "wings", as well as a period after "up".
Also, the use of the word "sickness" kind of jars with the "broken legs" image. Is it physical injury, or illness that's affecting? Both?
Hello there
Well this is a beautiful poem. It is touching or emotional, I love it. The events were actually how I expected them to turn out, which is nothing to worry about. But besides that, I loved the whole reference of the sick butterfly with being alone, which is actually what I think makes the poem special. Good job.