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Young Writers Society



Conics Unfortunately: 71

by Ventomology


Ellipse had just flushed the toilet when the announcement came, loud and calm and tame, despite the subject matter. A deep voice echoed over the satellite-wide intercom, beginning with the usual drivel about everyone having a good day and working hard, which Ellipse ignored. She did not think Andra-Media had any right to ask if she was having a nice day, though if she ever met the announcer, she was sure he was probably a nice man.

“Finally, would Elliott please come to the dock atrium?” the announcer finished. “Thank you, and please forgive the interruption.”

Oohh, sweet.

“Any idea why I am getting called to the docks?” Ellipse called to the guard, who was probably just outside the stall, crossing her arms and twiddling her thumbs. Ellipse knew, of course, but she was feeling petty.

The guard grimaced as Ellipse shoved open the stall door and sent her an exhausted look. “I know nothing. All I get told is where you should be and when. And also when I get bathroom breaks.”

“Wow, you really are low on the pecking order,” Ellipse observed. She strolled to the sinks and whistled a siren poem about guppy sirens gnawing on coral.

“I think I liked quiet Elliott better than whatever you are now.”

Ellipse shrugged and lathered her hands in soap. “Your loss. I am much more entertaining like this.”

The bathroom was quiet as Ellipse finished washing up. She splashed a bit of water on her face and looked in the mirror. The reflection that stared back still looked too thin, but Ellipse thought her eyes popped a little more now. Hopefully trials on Earth would not make her revert back to being dull and tired.

Ellipse dried her hands on her pants and skipped out of the beautifully tiled bathroom. The guard followed after, fast-walking to keep up, and Ellipse headed for the satellite’s docks.

She sped through the hallways, enjoying the clip clop of her shoes and the guard’s boots as they hit the floor. Her feet carried her through turn after turn, until the hallways opened up into a great, domed room. The lady in white was there, with a handful of guards in black, and with her were a trio of men in military garb. They stood stark against the walls, all clean lines and solid colors against grey surfaces carved with curves and patterns.

The lady in white stood at the front of the group, right next to a giant man, imposing and stately in a clean, perfectly pressed military uniform. He gave Ellipse a friendly smile, and the lady in white immediately followed suit.

“Elliott!” she exclaimed, motherly and singsong. “The Bellevue crew is here to speak with you! Play nice with them, will you?”

Ellipse turned right to the man in the suit and offered a hand. She felt no inclination to respond to someone who confused kindness for acting like Ellipse was five. “Hi, my name is Ellie. I assume you came because of the leak?”

Immediately, the man dropped his smile. He took Ellipse’s hand and gave a firm handshake. “Indeed. I’m Lieutenant Jackson, the psychologist on the Bellevue. Given the news on Earth, I assume you know why I’m here.”

“Yes, sir,” Ellipse replied.

“Excellent.” He turned to the lady in white. “We will take her for preliminary interviews. Normally, the UN wouldn’t get involved in this sort of thing, but Andra-Media is such a big company, and the Independent Titan problems create some issues with sending US officials out here. And I won’t lie. We’re also here to investigate foul play in global stock exchanges and other violations of international worker’s rights laws.”

The woman scoffed. “Elliott is a performer, not an administrator. She has no information in those aspects.”

“And we have to start a list of witnesses somewhere. Might as well begin with someone who has clearly and publicly stated their position.” The lieutenant met Ellipse’s eyes, stepped to the side, and gestured for her to join him. He offered a weak smile and then pointed at the great double doors that led into the docking bay. “It’s already been agreed upon that you shouldn’t be on the satellite during the interview process. That’s the procedure, after all. If we decide, and I say this so we have our bases covered, that you aren’t in any danger here, then you will be returned.”

“Okay,” Ellipse said. That all sounded right.

“Right then,” the lieutenant agreed. “Let’s go.” His two men turned in perfect sync, and they marched in a perfect rhythm as they followed Ellipse and the lieutenant into the dock.

The Bellevue filled the bay, looming large and almost touching the walls. Well, compared to the Ink she looked like she was about to touch the dock walls. She was a giant vessel, almost the size of a barge, with a clean, sharp prow and seafaring ship windows. Her engines projected from the far end of the ship in two massive, shiny cylinders, and large rectangles were set into the hull, probably places where short range dogfighting vehicles docked.

Ellipse wondered if Tejal had ever been on a military spacecraft. His biological parents had been ambassadors, after all.

She followed the lieutenant up a thin gangplank that arced into a small opening in the hull, and glanced one more time at the door to the rest of the satellite. Hopefully she never saw it again.


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Sun Jun 24, 2018 4:50 pm
TheSilverFox wrote a review...



Ellipse had just flushed the toilet when the announcement came, loud and calm and tame, despite the subject matter.


Pff now I'm thinking about last night (buttfly is the best Pokemon name).



Grammar and spelling stuff first:

fast-walking to keep up


I'm more familiar with speed-walking?



Other stuff:

Pfff I know I shouldn't try to make all of my reviews so long, especially as these last few chapters are pretty short. Still, I'd like to see how much I can cover. And yep, this is a good chapter! Ellipse being confident and petty is reassuring; she's shed the layers of suspicion, weariness, and hatred that have hung around her during her time in Andra-Media. The guard's anxiety is hilarious, particularly as Ellipse points out their low on the pecking order, as is Penelope's fake happiness. I think it's a bit worse than Ellipse imagines, actually - Penelope is treating Ellipse like a child, but there's still that undercurrent of general contempt that distinguishes the lady in white. She's likely seething, since there's little doubt in her mind that Ellipse will be able to make a case that could ruin Andra-Media's standing. The comment that Ellipse is a performer and "wouldn't know" about the rights violations, meanwhile, contributes to the impression that Penelope is trying to save her own skin at the last minute. Not as though it's going to work, but she really doesn't have much of an choice at this point. I'm guessing Penelope is at the heart of Andra-Media's abuses.

I do have to agree with Bisc and Blue that there isn't much tension here. The Bellevue's arrives, Ellipse meets the psychologist with only one or two cutting remarks from the lady in white, and then she makes her way onto the ship. Overall, Ellipse has revealed her horrible situation, caught the attention of the UN, and will likely win the subsequent court battle. At the same time, maybe's that for the best? I consider these last few chapters (71-74) like a final chapter or an epilogue. There ought to be some moments to encapsulate the victory of the protagonists, and maybe one or two last-minute twists to keep us on our toes. And, actually, there is one here: the reference to stock exchange manipulation. I'm almost certain the UN is going to find out about Andra's insider trading - it's not exactly subtle - so it seems likely that Ellipse will be indirectly responsible for their being arrested. How will Ellipse handle that? I can't imagine she'll be very happy, especially since it gets in the way of what would otherwise be a completely fulfilling moment for her. Ergh, but Andra did do hurt the lives of a lot of innocent people, even if accidentally, and it wouldn't be right if they just walked away scot-free. So yeah, I'm interested in seeing how that turns out.

And that's about it! I enjoyed reading this chapter from start to finish. The descriptions of the Bellevue had to be my favorite part, since they brought back a million flashbacks to the last site I visited and stuff I wrote on there. All in all, great job!




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Fri Jun 22, 2018 3:58 pm
ExOmelas wrote a review...



Hey, I think today might be the day I finally reach the end of this story. Here we go...

Only one nit-pick, which is that this sentence took me a couple of reads to understand. I think it might just be backwards from the order I'm used to hearing this kind of comparison in:

She felt no inclination to respond to someone who confused kindness for acting like Ellipse was five.


Overall:

Hmm... I'm still just a bit worried that this could be much too easy for Ellipse. I guess there's still room for a twist, but it's just been such plain sailing for a while that the tension is kinda down, which is not what you want for the last few chapters. I'm thinking maybe linger a bit more on the moment where the military man mentions the possibility that they might not find what they are looking for, which would result in her return. This is where we need to feel that this is a real danger, not just a formality. We need to believe that Andra-Media is so powerful it could have bribed the government, so tightly run it could have destroyed any evidence of wrong-doing, so clever that it could have worked out ways to pre-emptively destroy Ellipse's credibility that will unfold over the course of the investigation. I'm not saying any of that has to happen, especially since the story is nearing its end, but it's hard to feel invested when none of that jeopardy seems likely.

All technical stuff was as on point as usual, and I liked the brief reference to Tejal, which showed that they boys are always on Ellipse's mind to the extent that they are the go-to examples of things when she is thinking about something else.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




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Thu Jun 21, 2018 10:41 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



I'm sort of surprised the lady in white doesn't put up more of a fuss, but I guess she's trying to play nice now that these people are here. But I guess it's not so much that I want her to put up a fuss as it is that I'm like looking for more drama, I guess. Like we've gotten to the climax of the story, and of course Ellie sending her solo out into the world was a big moment! And I guess we don't need her to be in physical danger after she does so, because...well, she's basically being abused this whole time up to the point where she leaves the ship. Like, starved, pushed to the point of physical exhaustion, mentally abused.

But I don't know. Like "drama" is almost too strong a word for what I mean. I guess it's just that I'm still waiting for that climax...oomph. I like the events, I think - I like Ellipse taking control by releasing her single, but it's almost like she felt too much in control? Like there was no sense of potential failure, or maybe it's even just that I didn't feel enough uhhhh like, that was a big moment for her so what's she thinking and feeling and does she cry and is she more relieved or exhausted or is she a little scared, I guess.

Idk I'm doing a bad job explaining it and I do like what's going on, but I just feel like I'm missing something here.





Have a biscuit, Potter.
— Professor McGonagall