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Young Writers Society



Conics Unfortunately: 25

by Ventomology


It took Focci and Tejal ten minutes to burst into the bathroom, and when they did, they slammed the door hard against the cement wall and sent Ellipse’s head into another fit of reeling. Groaning, she clutched her head and sent the boys a dirty look.

“Unnecessary,” she grumbled. Then she tried to lay down on the floor and sleep. Helping Soph had used up too many brain cells.

“Don’t sleep on the floor, Ellipse,” Tejal chided. “It’s nasty.”

Okay, but not sleeping seemed nastier, so Tejal could just jump into the sun. Curling her nose in disgust, Ellipse pillowed her head with her arms and ignored how her hair spilled onto the floor.

“Gross,” Focci sang, holding out the last note for emphasis.

Ellipse clucked her tongue and eased back up, purposefully pinning down Focci’s tail with one hand. “Fine, fine. You need me to translate, anyway, right?” She let Focci go and tried not to flinch when he smacked her, and fumbled for her lightbox. When she had it firmly in her grasp, she turned to Soph and offered an uncertain smile. “It is just these two. Go ahead, and I will try to keep up.”

Rather than keep up, Ellipse guessed she would wind up with a headache ten times worse than what she already had and a half-finished story she would forget before she could translate it all, but she had only said she would try, not that she would succeed. She placed herself against the wall and watched as Soph’s lights began to flash.

“Spec Corp started on the miniature fold generator several years ago, when it became apparent that the servers and databases on the fold monitors were unable to store all the messages, media and coding that came in. I was in university at the time, but I heard about all the big-name engineers being hired for the project. Ami, the subject matter expert, was already impossibly famous for their work on the matter ID code.”

Ellipse sent the boys a questioning look, hoping one of them would explain what the matter ID code did, but Tejal just made a rolling motion with his fist and urged her to keep going.

“Nov was our head engineer, chosen because they were the specifus behind the new life-search fold generator. The two had teamed up before, of course, but not for a long time. In the months following the project announcement, the miniature generator was all anyone talked about, and everyone wanted to be picked for the research team. I graduated right as applications opened up, but I wasn’t an engineering or physics major, so I wasn’t looking to join the team.”

Focci thumped his tail on the ground and wrinkled his snout. “If Soph is not in science, what do they do?”

“I am getting there,” Ellipse sang. Then she switched to English, just to be irritating.

Soph carried on with the tale, unaffected and unable to hear the side conversation. “Spec Corp hired me as one of the secretaries for this new research team. I rose up to communications specialist rather quickly, though I suspect it was more due to nepotism than anything else. We red specifus are memorable, after all. Once Nov and Ami finished interviewing staff for the official Impending crew, I was the first to be notified that I would be travelling.”

Slumping in his chair, Tejal let out a yawn. “When will they get to the science?”

Ellipse switched back to siren. Right after sticking her tongue out at Tejal.

“We spent almost a year preparing for the journey. The Impending was large, but mostly full of water and the experimental fold generators, and we had to cut a number of crew members in order to maximize efficiency with our resources. I was only kept because someone had to be able to code and send data packages throughout the trip, and no other jobs would have enough downtime to take care of it all. During the journey out to the experiment location, I sent constant updates back to the servers on the Tubai monitor, and when we began conducting trials, I sent even more.

“When we began the intersecting fold tests, I was put onto the shuttle, to help make sure that communication between the shuttle and the Impending was properly encrypted. It was only going to be for the first trial, but…” Soph’s lights faded, and then flashed all at once in a brief, harsh laugh. “I suppose that was enough to keep me alive. When the generators shorted out, they stranded the shuttle out on the other side of the system, a safe distance from the explosion. I had no idea what had happened, but a few minutes later, Max pointed out that the light from the explosion had finally reached us.”

Tejal shifted restlessly in his seat, and Focci’s gills starting twitching. The boys had questions, probably.

“I was about to send an SOS signal when Ami stopped me,” Soph continued. “I don’t know if they were tired of Spec Corp taking credit for so much of their work, or if they truly disliked the corporation’s practices, but Ami wanted Spec Corp to think we were dead. The Botanical picked us up in secret a few days later, and I’ve been in hiding ever since.”

As Ellipse finished up in both languages, she sighed and gave the boys hard stares. “I assume you have questions?”

Focci and Tejal nodded vigorously, their eyes bulging in frustration.

“This is between us,” Soph flashed, vines curling away from the boys, “but I would like to compare notes on breaking contracts. I want to go home, and I will have to win a few legal battles to do it.”

Ellipse scratched her head. She was not the expert there; all she had done was take advantage of the Independent Titan situation, and she at least had international law on her side. The universe had no standards of workplace practice yet. “My contact at the safe house will be able to help you, if you meet them. They travel a lot. Also, my friends have questions.”

“Ask away,” Soph replied.

Raising an eyebrow, Ellipse looked to the boys and nodded. By some miracle, they did not both start spouting things at once.

“I want to know if anything strange happened right before the generators failed,” Tejal said, leaning forward. “Like a tension, or flickering, or something.”

Once Ellipse relayed the question, Soph took a few seconds to ponder, curling and uncurling their vines in thought. “I was busy trying to reestablish communication with the Impending, but Max might know about tension. They were the first mate, and the shuttle pilot. As for things regarding the actual fold, Ami would know more. I know which systems the two are hiding in, but I will not tell you their whereabouts in any more detail.”

“Anything is fine,” Ellipse said.

“Max is in Un, and Ami is in either Nestor or playing the tangled-in-your-roots game in Triune.”

Somehow, Ellipse doubted she would have the chance to meet either of the other Impending survivors, but she told Tejal and Focci what she could. Immediately, Tejal’s mood soured, and he scowled darkly enough to rival a black hole. Focci, ever the optimist, brightened and grinned wide enough to showcase the greenish gums holding his teeth in place.

“Thank Soph for us!” he sang, his tone turning brassy with happiness. “They were very helpful.”

At least someone in the crew had manners. Giggling, Ellipse forwarded Focci’s gratitude, bid Soph goodbye, and tucked away the lightbox. She exchanged another arm-squeeze, and then hauled herself up, ignoring the dizziness that punished her for standing too quickly. Rubbing her temples, she shoved the door open and ushered the boys back into the empty hallway outside. Then, she took one last look at Soph and waved goodbye.

Were it not for the dim bathroom lighting, Ellipse would have missed Soph’s soft, slow thank-you.


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Tue Sep 05, 2017 2:43 pm
ExOmelas wrote a review...



That went well... At some point you're probably going to get a whole load of these at once... hopefully.

Nit-picks and nice moments:

“Unnecessary,” she grumbled. Then she tried to lay down on the floor and sleep. Helping Soph had used up too many brain cells.

Errr is this really the time to be sleeping? The last chapter felt really rather urgent. Surely Tejal's criticism should be that she probably ought not to be napping right now in the first place xD

“Gross,” Focci sang, holding out the last note for emphasis.

Giggled out loud here :)

When she had it firmly in her grasp, she turned to Soph and offered an uncertain smile. “It is just these two. Go ahead, and I will try to keep up.”

I actually thought Soph had left at this point. Might be my fault, but maybe an idea to have them flash something indignantly about the new arrivals.

[Several hours later: if real life would just stop getting in the way I might actually get to finish this review.]

Slumping in his chair, Tejal let out a yawn. “When will they get to the science?”

These little interjections are really stopping this from being an infodump. Good job :)

She exchanged another arm-squeeze, and then hauled herself up, ignoring the dizziness that punished her for standing too quickly

Okay, I actually think I get the sleeping thing from the start now. I'm unsure why it didn't quite come off for me the first time round.

Overall:

I think my main thing to say about this is that despite the fact that Soph sort of attacked Ellipse last time we saw this scene, I'm not sure I'm feeling as much wariness from them as I should. I mean, first of all, if Focci and Tejal sort of burst in, I'd imagine they'd freak back out. It also surprises me they're willing to go so far into detail about their discoveries the first time they meet these people. Lastly, it definitely surprises me that they're willing to do so in a public place. Anyone could burst into that bathroom (like Focci and Tejal did) and hear at least the tail end of what they were saying.

However, I think this is a very good culmination of lots of bits of backstory that have been happening throughout. I think this is a realistic baddie (evil capitalists hehe) but you, unlike a recent Doctor Who episode, are not so on the nose about it to literally say the phrase "capitalism in space". Also if your characters are saved by something running out of battery just before it killed them I will be highly disappointed. God that was a bad episode...

Anyway, I continue to greatly enjoy your characters and your tone, and your last line was very sweet.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




Ventomology says...


Unless I came up with some convoluted plan where a character hacked/rigged a battery to run out quickly, I would never go that route. Things that happen by chance must make the situation worse, or the payoff isn't as good.

Also, sorry for the delayed response. I'm in my last week of work and things are hectic.

Thanks as always!



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Thu Aug 10, 2017 12:29 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



Okay, but not sleeping seemed nastier, so Tejal could just jump into the sun.


Me every morning.

ANYWAY. Sorry it's taken me so long to get back around to this!

Ellipse sent the boys a questioning look, hoping one of them would explain what the matter ID code did, but Tejal just made a rolling motion with his fist and urged her to keep going.


I know we're essentially getting what Soph is saying here, but can Ellipse actually translate something if she doesn't know what it is/what it means? Or maybe she's aware of matter ID codes and just doesn't know their purpose, in which case never mind about this question.

Also, does the higher gravity make it harder to translate? I don't know exactly what effect higher gravity would have on a person - those headaches, feeling a lot heavier, moving slower - but I'd imagine it has some effect that makes translation more difficult, even for someone as fluent in so many different languages as Ellipse. On the one hand, it's my instinct to tell you I want to see more of that as she translates.

On the other hand, that might slow down and overly confuse a scene where we're getting information that's important to the story. So use your judgement there, but that was a thought I had, anyway.

Finally, I might have missed it, but what is the Conics crew's interest in this? Of course Tejal and Focci are making their own miniature fold generator, but why are they so interested in Soph's crew's disappearance? Why are they interested in helping Soph? (Other than: Ellipse is a decent person who understands what it's like to be a fugitive.) Do they want to know what lengths Spec Corps will go to to dominate the miniature fold generator field? (I'm not sure that's quite how I meant to ask that question, but I'm really tired today and my brain is fuzzy.) Do they think knowing more about the explosion/disappearance will help them with their own device?

I'm just not clear on that.

Although in your defense it's been so long since I read part of this that maybe you've explained and I've just forgotten. Plus I'm tired.

Image




Ventomology says...


Ellipse actually smacked her head on the ground the last time we saw her, which is where the headaches come from.

And yeah, figuring out what went wrong for the Impending crew is important because the boys want their device to be safe. I should address that outright, if it's not getting across well.

And don't worry about being late! Life happens. Thanks again!



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Sun Aug 06, 2017 10:48 pm
TheSilverFox wrote a review...



Spec Corp started on the miniature fold generator several years ago, when it became apparent that the servers and databases on the fold monitors were unable to store all the messages, media and coding that came in.


I bet the storm of cat pictures that flooded in from the earthling system was particularly brutal. :P

Hello! I've had a weird past few days, but I finally set some time aside to review your latest chapter. Though the chapter places a heavier emphasis on dialogue than on action to provide a huge dose of exposition, it is not to the detriment of the story. It proceeds smoothly, Soph's revelations and backstory are fascinating and well-written, and Focci and Tejal's intense desire to ask questions whenever not appropriate is, as usual, pretty funny. I'm rather impressed at how Ellipse can translate between three languages, keeping in mind that each is in marginally different style (light-based vs. music-based vs. Earth language systems) It's even more when one considers the wretched gravity of the planet, which is not working in her favor. Getting headaches from standing up or moving is a relatively common experience for me, but I think it'd be a nightmare to live on such a planet when not used to its gravity. Hopefully, our protagonist trio will be soon be leaving in an attempt to find the other crew members of the RV of Impending Doom, though I imagine Spec Corp. isn't quite finished with Ellipse just yet. If only because that's on par with her other experiences. :P

Beyond that, yeah, Spec Corp. seems to be controlling, abusive, and manipulative. When one of the leaders of their most instrumental projects is willing to abandon the corporation entirely, perhaps on grounds of the company's claiming credit for their work, I can imagine that Spec Corp. is villainous. Personally, I find it rather odd that they, given their strictness, did not have cameras or equipment on the shuttle that would allow them to identify the three escapees and where they might be traveling to. Of course, the three seem to have had enough influence and competence to be able to hack/control the cameras, or they might've known they could be watched and simply tried to keep their intentions as hard to detect as possible. But I'm straying beyond the point. I also stand by my theory that Spec Corp. and its equivalent, Andra-Media, are rivals, as nothing so infuriates a manipulator as someone/something else playing the same game. In this sense, based on Ellipse's apparent past influence in Andra-Media, her distaste for the company, and her consistently going into hiding to avoid them, I have the feeling that Soph and Ellipse are like versions of each other from different species (not exactly, but you get the idea). As such, I can understand the ease with which they get accustomed to/friendly around each other, especially as Ellipse has resources and a knowledge of legal issues to help her, both of which Soph likely needs at this point.

All in all, it's a phenomenal chapter. I would like to point out that I believe nepotism typically refers to the hiring of people who are family members or friends, and I don't think Soph is either of those to either of the major leaders of the operation. Favoritism might be more apt. However, there's no other criticism I have for this. Now they have two new specifus to search for at some (hopefully more convenient to be in) star systems, and the implication of future chapters is that they succeed in finding the specifus. Well, at least Tejal and Focci do - based on her possibly-prophetic comment, Ellipse might find herself caught up in a struggle over her true identity and importance. Thus, I look forward to seeing what happens next. Great job!




Ventomology says...


Oh my god it's Monday. I can start on 26! Which I am honestly super excited to write. I'm glad you enjoyed this week. There was way too much dialogue, but it sounds like I pulled it off well.

Thanks!




Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.
— Enid Bagnold