Downfall of Man

Hello there! Nice poem, It kinda reminds me of Serj Tankian's new poetry book, you should check it out. It has so much power and you can feel the strong attitude. I also like the structure and rhyme. It actually shows true nature of human aggression and that's kinda poetry that I love reading. Keep writing, this is an awesome piece of poetry .

hola...i will try and review your work today.

i so much like your choice of words and how you combine them wonderfully.

what i think didn't work out in this piece, firstly,is your starting. ''What is the downfall of a man?'', you have already stated in your title, ''downfall of a man'', and asking that question just repeats what you stated. it is better if you draw your reader from the beginning without him knowing what the outcome will be.

secondly, your punctuation on your first stanza was somewhat poor as the question you asked, ''Is it military power that makes sure to devour'',did not have a question mark following it. i think it needed one to allow your reader to correctly understand were you are coming from.

''surely it's his stature in the structure, morphing him sour''
i like the way you started asking you question in your first stanza, i think you should have continued,maybe, ''is it his stature in the structure, morphing him sour?'' and then you continue with the breaking ''NO'', and carry on.

your second and third stanzas are OK only i rushed through reading them because i had no punctuation marks to stop me.

overall, you are a good writer and you should keep writing. i hope this review helps you in your next piece

Okay, first off, I saw that you are new to YWS, so welcome! I really enjoyed reading this. It was filled with so much power! But, I think you ended it kind of short, I was a little disappointed knowing that it could be carried on. I didn't see any problems with spelling, YAY! No problems with grammar, YAY! But your lining is a little off. You start out with these long lines then the rest of the poem falls short, Try breaking down your lines a little more and you should be all set. Also, punctuation, you used it in the first stanza, but fell short the rest and you don't have any ending marks. It isn't a big thing, but just a little side note.

I absolutely love the ending. I love how you built up the same subject and didn't wonder off and finished it with a small, but still a boom. I hope you take what I have said into consideration and not to heart!

Welcome to YWS! Can't wait to see more of your work!