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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Animal is here to
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If you wrote it that that age then it is good, because it won't be good if you wrote it now...
I like that how this thing ascends, but if it had rhyme, it would be better
Yours infinitely,
-Ani
Oh jeez. You must have been a very sad child. Finally someone similar to me.
I'm surprised you still have the poem 7 years later :/.
Okay, before I even read this, your formatting and lines made me laugh. You can definitely see that someone little wrote this. For a nine year old, it has some nice power within each stanza. And punctuation isn't necessary within this work.
I really enjoyed this, but it does seem to be a little off. I think you should take this small piece, and make something bigger out of it. I can see this being more than it is with more imagery and details. I think you have the power within you to do it. I mean, if you can write this when you were nine, you definitely should be able to add on to it, revise it a little.
I hope you keep up with your writing. This piece is odd and beautiful. It speaks truth through only nine lines and that is what makes it so amazing and different. The only negative thing I could say is to change "crashing tides" to "crackling thunder" because I don't I don't see tides rumbling. And if they are, I don't see how they could be loud enough to drown out someone's voice. I hope you take my comments into consideration!