After All

by Velvet0Alchemy

Published July 25, 2015

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I trudged along the highway, only stopping to raid the occasional car. I had hoped to be farther than this by now, but I underestimated the toll heat would take on my progress. I let go of my mother's locket long enough to unfurl the crumpled map and scanned it, looking for shortcuts that didn't involve crossing the endless Nevada desert. I traced the red line with my finger several times, but at this point, the only smart option was to stay on 228 until I found the little back road that would take me to Las Vegas in a more direct fashion. Hopefully, I'd find some sort of faster travel method than walking.

A cold wind whistled through my ears, blocking all other sounds. I needed to find some warmer clothing, too. The daylight hours could fry eggs on the pavement, but the following night could still freeze an Eskimo; especially so with winter approaching. I tucked the map back into my bag and resumed course.

Out of nowhere, a low rumble charged up behind me and in a fraction of a second, I lay face down on the pavement. Instead of pain, I felt numb and cold. My mind clambered over the information, spinning and writhing trying to figure out what had happened. Two voices slowly gained volume, but my brain was too busy tripping over itself to make sense of anything. Another rumble faded in, then stopped with a shudder. My brain rendered the image of a vehicle. Had I been hit by a car?

“What happened?” A woman said, slamming a squeaky car door. Her voice was musical, and had a quality that reminded me of fresh lemonade on a summer's day, but still carried the tone of authority. I forced open my eyes to look up at her as she approached. My gaze met fiery red hair, vivid green eyes, and skin as white as milk. A man in black leather stepped between us, holding up his weapon. “There'll be no scavenging here, miss.” he threatened, just as my eyes fell upon the red and black tattoos that marked her forearm. Vampire.

“Sugar,” her sweetness had turned sour, “ I'm here to help. I've been in medicine longer than you been a twinkle in your mama's eyes.” She pushed past him with a glare as he holstered the gun. I shifted myself, trying to sit up, but she put a hand firmly on my back. “Nuh-uh,” she smiled solftly, “you need to stay down. My name is Velvet, and I'm a doctor. Do you know what happened?” Her voice was warm and soothing, coated in a thick, southern drawl. “Yeah.” My own voice was weak and shaky. She gently pressed the vertebrae in my neck. “What's your name?” Her green eyes glazed over; she was no doubt using magic to ascertain my condition. “A-Aldrich,” I sounded stronger that time. “My name is Aldrich Cross.” She giggled softly, “What a fine name, Mr. Cross. Very dapper.” She leaned in close to my ear in a swift, sudden movement, “Mr. Cross, don't panic, but these fine people” she jerked her head in the direction of the couple, “intended on eating you.” My eyes went wide in horror. “I'm going to pick you up in a moment, it'll hurt for a second, but ignore it.” She slid her arm around my back. On a count of three, she lifted me to my feet, and I almost screamed. “Deep breath.” she hissed, dragging me in towards an old Ford truck.

“Hey now,” A young woman with a baby shouted stepping in our direction, “I don't think he'd wanna go with someone like you.” I turned to reply, but the tightening of Velvet's grasp closed my mouth. “I'm sitting him somewhere other than the ground, and giving him some painkillers.” The smile she gave them stopped both of them cold. She sat me in the bed, and wrapped a bandage tightly around my chest and shoulders, and another around my leg. She winked at me, and before I had proper time to register the prick of the needle, a wave of calm and relief I didn't know I needed washed over me. With a gentle shove, she slid me further into the truck bed. “Hold on tight.” In a flash of vampiric speed, she had the truck started and moving before the cannibal family could blink. Their angry shouts were replaced by the sounds of wind and road. Adrenaline faded and I crumpled into an aching heap. As I blacked out, a question rang through my mind: Am I any safer with her?

I awoke in a small, but warm space. My body throbbed, and I groaned, trying to move. “Don't move yet, sugar.” I registered Velvet tending a fire on the other side of the room. I lay back and look at the ceiling, unwilling to disobey a vampire. The walls gracefully curved into the ceiling, which was covered in rings that radiated out from the center of the room. I moved my head around, and gasped in amazement. This room was carved out of an enormous tree. Everything in it was masterfully crafted out of the solid trunk, including the small set of stairs in the corner that led upwards. She strode towards me, and placed a hand on my forehead. I felt the sensation of something releasing. She looked me square in the face, “Tell me how much this hurts.” Her other hand gave my calf a squeeze, and I winced at the twinge of pain that shot through my whole body.

“Well,” she released me rubbing her hands together, “that's better than I expected.” I didn't want to know what worse was, but before I could protest, she swung my legs over the edge of the chaise, and forced me to my feet. Worse didn't begin to describe this. I let out a cry as my legs buckled. “Come on now,” she caught me before I'd fallen more than an inch, “it's not that bad. The spell mended most of it; it's just sore now. It'll pass.” She helped me limp over to the polished dining set for two, where a plate of meat, nuts, berries, and unfamiliar greens waited. By the time I was seated, most of the pain had subsided. She sat across from me, a glass of dark liquid in her hand. I tried not to look at it. She smirked and took a long sip, “It's just wine. You can have some if you want.” Her shimmering green eyes glanced at me sideways, then at the plate in front of me; a silent command to eat.

I took a bite of the meat. It tasted light and savory, seasoned gently with garlic and pepper. Well, there goes that myth, I joked to myself. Velvet snorted, like she'd read my thoughts. I swallowed hard. “How did you know they wanted to eat me?” I put my fork down,looking up at her with wide eyes. “I'm old. I know things.” She took another long sip, her glass almost empty. “D-did you...” I stammered. Mind reading was powerful magic. Powerful and dangerous. Another smirk. “No, I don't care to read minds. I do, however, read body language very well.” She poured another glass and offered the bottle to me. When I refused, she shrugged and took a swig from it before re-corking it. “That, and the fact he mowed you over on purpose.” We sat in awkward silence for several minutes as she stared at me from over the top of her wineglass, blinking slowly.

I was horrified. I hadn't expected there to be anyone still living that stretch desert, let alone cannibals. “Oh yeah,” she casually poured more wine, “they're everywhere. People are avoiding the big cities now, so they've turned to hunting elsewhere.” I buried my face in my hands. If they cannibals roamed lonely stretches of desert highway, what was keeping them from raiding the compound? Shaking, I grasped the locket, the other hand tangled in my hair.

She shook her head. “I wouldn't, if I were you.” I straightened in my chair. “Wh-what?” “I wouldn't leave;” she said casually, “we're in the middle of the woods, for one, and you can barely walk for another.” She looked away and drank more wine, “Now, eat. I don't appreciate my hard work going to waste.” I remembered the food in front of me. I took a few more careful bites, but after the third one, a ravenous burst of hunger convinced me to scarf it down as quickly as possible. I all but licked the plate clean, feelin full and satisfied, until the recognition of her words turned my stomach.

She sat up sharply, hearing the increase in my heart rate. “M-mi-middle of....? Wh-where...?” I struggled to breathe. Her jaw twitched, “The redwood forest, in northern California.” Her words were slow and deliberate, but it still took me ages to understand. I must have fainted or something, because I ended up in her arms with no idea how I got there. Frustration, anger, and fear welled and expanded.Something whined in a high pitch somewhere, giving me a headache. She just blinked at me. How could she do this? California? I needed to get the medications they needed and get back to them. Now, even if I could get to a safe city, I might not make it back in time. The squealing kept intensifying, building pressure and contorting my face until I couldn't hold it in anymore. I jumped up, grabbing the nearest object, and swung at her, screeching profanity.

She caught my arm mid-swing, and pinned me against the side of the hearth, the sharp stones digging into my back. “I saved your sorry ass, sweetheart. You don't bite the hand that feeds.” She spoke far to pleasantly for her eyes to have turned such a steely gray.

“I have to get back! They'll die without me! You cost me val-” She cut off my airway, lifting me off the ground by the throat. She growled in the back of her throat, her lips curling at the sound of my gasping.

Then, she just dropped me and turned away like nothing. I lay on the floor, choking and sputtering, trying to get enough air to banish the stars from my vision. Slowly, she inched around to look at me. “Your family has the plague?” Her complexion took on a gray tone. I nodded, tears forming. She shook her head slowly, “You've already been here a month.” Immediately, my eyes shot to the ouroboros tattooed on her forearm, but it remained still. She was telling the truth. Blackness swallowed me whole.

I woke from a terrifying dream I couldn't quite remember. A large, black cauldron boiled ominously. Jars filled with wicked-looking substances covered every inch of flat surface. For the first time in days, Velvet was sitting at the table, drinking her wine. “What are you doing?” I looked back at the fire. “Canning.” Her tone was brisk, suggesting she knew I wasn't actually asking about that. She knew I wanted to die. I had yelled it enough times this past week while she hid in the upper level.

She grabbed me by the wrist, forcing me to follow her. “Come on.” She dragged me out the ornate door, into the freezing snow. I cried out, shocked by the cold teeth biting at my bare extremities. “Keep moving, you weenie. It's not that cold.” Velvet steered me towards a large hill, wrenching open the narrow door set into its base. She motioned for me to descend into the dark first. When I hesitated she rolled her eyes, “Got somewhere else to be?” Slowly, I marched past her. She nodded,“Right then,” she sniffed, “this is the root cellar; AKA where all the food is kept.” She gave a small flick of her hand, lighting a large chandelier made from antlers, and let the door slam shut behind us.

Vegetables of all variety hung from the ceiling in large bunches, including some I couldn't identify. Rows upon rows of jars sat on tall shelves, their contents gleaming in the candlelight. A pile of bones and fur loomed in one corner. I started to shake, “Is this where you'll do it then?” She cocked her head in confusion for a moment, then a wry smile spread it's way across her lips. “Do what? Eat you?” Her sides heaved and her eyes twinkled with silent laughter. “Sugar,” without warning, one of her hands wrapped around my waist from behind, and the other held my jaw, “you're too cute for that.” I gulped. Her scent was intoxicating. A thin, alabaster finger traced the length of my neck and I shuddered.

Velvet burst into howling giggles. She was playing with me. My face flushed and I turned away from her. When she reigned in her composure, she patted me on the head and pulled my arm in the other direction. “Help me carry this stuff.” She handed me a few jars of vegetables and meats, a bundle of fragrant herbs, and a white box with a red cross on it. She slung a burlap sack over one shoulder, and scooped up a smaller sack and a bottle of wine in her other arm. She motioned for me to start climbing the steps before her. “Keep in mind, you can't get in here without me to release the spell on the door. I don't trust you not to take my food and run.”

“I promise I will never feed you anything God didn't intend for you to eat.” She stirred chunks of venison around in a broth over the hearth. The heavy pot rested atop bright red coals, blackened from use. “Uh, thanks?” I wasn't sure what that meant. She dished out two bowls of the soup and sat down, sliding one to me. “So...” I calculated my words, “Am I staying, then?” “Of course,” she said with her mouth full, “or I wouldn't have shown you the cellar. There's another bedroom upstairs you can use.” I sat quietly thinking for a moment. “Why?” I asked her. There was absolutely no reason to invite strangers into your home in this day and age unless something was to be gained. She put her spoon down, the insufferable smugness back on her face, “I told you, you're cute.” She reached out and pinched my cheek. “Besides,” she poured herself wine, “I need a big, strong boy around here, and you need me.” There was an air of mocking in her tone, but she didn't lie; I did need somewhere to go. There's no way I could go back She needed me, too, apparently. The thought of what for made me uncomfortable. Satisfaction broadened her grin, and she sauntered up the stairs, wine in hand.

“Is that moonshine?” I watched her pour clear liquid into the tank of the truck. It worked for some cars, but not always. She scoffed indignantly, “Bien sûr que non! Do you know what that would do to the engine?” She patted the rusted door with pride before pulling it open, “I'd never do that to this beautiful beast. She runs on hydrogen. Has since--” Her face blanked and her lips stretched thin.

“Since...?” I climbed in to the passenger seat, curious why no one else I'd met had thought of it. “Since a long time ago.” Her voice was hollow and colder than the air outside.

Comments & reviews · 2
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Iggy
Review
Iggy wrote a review Review · Jul 26, 2015

Hey there! Iggy coming at you.

and resumed course.


and resumed my course*

Out of nowhere


A car doesn't come out of nowhere. Especially in the desert, since that's where you said this was taking place. Maybe if the MC is completely zoned out or deaf, but since they aren't either (from what I gather), I'd reword that. Maybe the MC didn't hear the car until it was too late, or maybe they were zoned out. Either way, mention it.

I lay face down


"Lay" doesn't feel quite right here. "Fell" might work better.

She sat me in the bed


Just go with "trunk" instead of "bed". I thought you meant an actual bed and was confused.

I registered Velvet tending a fire


"Registered" seems like an odd word to use here.. doesn't really fit the purpose you're wanting it to. Try out something else.

“How did you know they wanted to eat me?” I put my fork down,looking up at her with wide eyes.


... Well, this doesn't make any sense. In the prior sentences, you used italics to indicate internal dialogue, so I'm confused as to why you didn't do it here as well. This shows us that Velvet read the boy's mind, yet he asked the question in a verbal way that reads as external dialogue, not an internal musing to himself, so I'm confused about that. Look into that. Also fix the "down,looking" part.

And what's up with the dialogue here? The boy (whose name I forgot lol) is asking questions and she's answering, all in the same paragraph. Big no no. Dialogue is separated by paragraphs when two or more characters are talking. Fix this.

I do, however, read body language very well.


This doesn't work. It's body language, not a word-for-word look into his mind. She can't know exactly what he's thinking. She can guess, via his emotions, but she can't know for sure. This is especially true for the next part, when he doesn't verbally say he didn't expect to find cannibals in the desert but yet she somehow knows that's what he's thinking? Nope. Doesn't work. Fix.

Also... cannibals? But we'll go more into that later.

feelin full and satisfied


feeling*

You've already been here a month.


A month? From being hit by a car? In a coma for a month? Are you sure you did your medical research?



Okay, so there's a few things you need to fix:

1. As I mentioned earlier, your dialogue. Two characters talking does not get mushed together into one paragraph. It goes like so:

Person A, "Blah."

Person B, "Blah."

Repeat.

2. Cannibalism? I don't think you're using the right word, here. From what I've gathered, Aldrich isn't a vampire, which doesn't make this cannibalism, since vampires aren't human. I know you mentioned a plague, so I'm thinking you want Aldrich to be infected or something or whatever (see #3) but either way, he's still technically human, so cannibalism isn't at work here. Fix it.

3. Yeah, this whole plague thing... right, there's no mention of Aldrich going to save his people in the beginning, then Velvet shows up, he's in a coma for a month (see #4) and then he suddenly flips out over this? And then forgets it after nearly being choked to death by Velvet? Not sure how to feel about that. If I had to pick something, I'd say disappointed. Great plot for something bigger. It needs to be worked on, because you got the reader hyped and then dropped it and now we're annoyed. Look into that.

4. Be sure to do some research. Or at least explain things more clearly. Was he in a coma for a month because of the substance Velvet injected him with? Or naturally? Because if it's the latter, it's not gonna fly. Unless he suffered a very serious head injury, he wouldn't be in a coma for a month unless the car rammed him really hard in the back... and even then, a month? Unlikely. Make the story believable (yes, even if it's fantasy) or you'll lose the reader's interest.

5. Dat ending. I mean... no. Cliffhangers aren't cool; I hate them. It was too abrupt, too incomplete, and from the looks of it, I don't think you're continuing this, so...? We need a resolution, man. Aldrich moving in with her (and no longer caring about his people..?) isn't good enough. Especially when you spark interest with her trailing off in thought. Don't do that to the reader. Give them a satisfying ending.

6. Character development. I mean, come on, he tried to attack her and she choked him and now he's gonna live with her? After what? Nothing happened from the attack to the moving in. Nothing. You mentioned him screaming at her and she avoiding him, which isn't enough. She might be lonely, but I doubt she's desperate enough to invite someone to stay who clearly hates her guts, and I doubt he'll stay when he has an infected family?? So where's the development? I feel like we skipped many things here. Go back and fill in these holes.

Despite the nitpicks, it was an interesting story with a good plot and concept to it. I enjoyed reading it and I think it would be even better if you made some improvements to it. I hope I helped!

~Iggy, for the Earth Kingdom

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Figsandpigs Review
Figsandpigs wrote a review Review · Jul 26, 2015

Hi there happy review day! I would like to start this out by saying I love the idea that you have going on here. You have introduced a bunch of really interesting elements like the plague, vampires, Velvet's interesting tattoos, and also this idea you had at the very beginning of finding a way to Vegas. So with these interesting elements I really think that you should try and flesh them out with more explanation and detail behind each one. I enjoyed the description that you gave for Velvet, however it left me in desire for more information about the main character. The other thing I wanted to mention was that the transitions between scenes was a little abrupt the most noticeable one I noticed was when they found out about a month passing and then suddenly they were waking up from a dream, that was a bit confusing for me. Thank you so much for your time and the effort that you have put into this piece of work. Keep working on it and I'm sure you can make it into even more of a master piece than it already is.



How can I be king of the world? Because I am king of rubbish. And rubbish is what the world is made of.
— Kate DiCamillo, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane