Published July 5, 2013
He's a dreamer,
a lovely piece of art.
The only bright spot for her,
with a heaven in his heart.
His eyes, the rainforest in Marrakech,
that feeling when she sees them,
always new, warm and fresh.
He dreams, and he charms.
Even the daisies go red
in the warmth of his arms.
Oh, there's nothing in this world,
that she wouldn't give up, that she wouldn't miss,
There's nothing she wouldn't give
for one moment of his sweetest kiss.
Everything else in her eyes would blend,
the world around her come to end,
when she'd land down in his hand,
when she'd enter his Dreamland.
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140,402 Literary Works • 673,161 Reviews
Awh this is so sweet :3
Hello! Your rhyme schemes and sequences are done quite well! The imagery is very powerful throughout the whole piece. One of the things that I find most exceptional is the description within the poem and how it has very much depth to it. Very talented uses of sensory images and details. I would love to point out any things to fix up or fine tune, but it is a overall well rounded piece. the line "That she wouldn't give up, that she wouldn't miss," Could possibly be split into two lines. It seemed to be the only thing to throw me off slightly in terms of the overall flow of the poem. Taking in consideration how many lines in each stanza you might have been working with it I don't think it would cause any problems at all. Anyway, great work and pat yourself on the back for the great imagery and detail.
thank you
it means to me, a lot
This piece of writing is really beautiful,
I think it had brilliant punchuation,
and good sence of rhyme!
Somehow you really made me intrested in your work!
Your a good influmence to youngers,
Beautiful description!
I heard down below its atually not for your crush?
Isn't it for anyone you know because you really put it out for perpective,
(I cant spell Lol)
Aha I just continued reading your comment and aha good for you :S
Does he have a YWS?
Because I think he would love this as much as I love it.
I like the romantic scene.
And I like the title it somehow really shows this piece of work
It represents it!
And I like your thought comment Writing101
I love this because it's full of feeling. Its also relatable to teenage girls and how they feel when they meet someone they think is "the one". I think that the rhyming would be easier if every stanza is 4 lines just because switching it makes a little difficult to find rhythm out of. Besides that, I found it great to read and I look forward to future works.
It relates to me in a way! xoxo
well, 3 stanzas are 4 lined, and 2 are 3 lined, but there's no switching rhyme in next stanza.
anyway, thank you so much. those compliments are really big for an amateur writer like me
Thanks again
This piece of writing is really beautiful,
I think it had brilliant punchuation,
and good sence of rhyme!
Somehow you really made me intrested in your work!
Your a good influmence to youngers,
Beautiful description!
I heard down below its atually not for your crush?
Isn't it for anyone you know because you really put it out for perpective,
(I cant spell Lol)
Aha I just continued reading your comment and aha good for you :S
Does he have a YWS?
Because I think he would love this as much as I love it.
I like the romantic scene.
And I like the title it somehow really shows this piece of work
It represents it!
And I like your thought comment Writing101
I love this because it's full of feeling. Its also relatable to teenage girls and how they feel when they meet someone they think is "the one". I think that the rhyming would be easier if every stanza is 4 lines just because switching it makes a little difficult to find rhythm out of. Besides that, I found it great to read and I look forward to future works.
It relates to me in a way! xoxo
This piece of writing is really beautiful,
I think it had brilliant punchuation,
and good sence of rhyme!
Somehow you really made me intrested in your work!
Your a good influmence to youngers,
Beautiful description!
I love this because it's full of feeling. Its also relatable to teenage girls and how they feel when they meet someone they think is "the one". I think that the rhyming would be easier if every stanza is 4 lines just because switching it makes a little difficult to find rhythm out of. Besides that, I found it great to read and I look forward to future works.
Thank you
Actually, the one I wrote this for isn't my crush. He's my friend and I'm like, cursed to never fall in love again, and I asked my self why I dont like him, because he's like a dream, every girl would like to have him. So I wrote this..