She stopped me in the middle as
I walked through the dark forest
Sadness was in front of me
She hugged me and whispered
It's okay, I'm with you
It's okay, I'm with you
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140,179 Literary Works • 673,037 Reviews
Hmm.
So, the thing that jumps out at me the most is how the poem feels like it’s holding back. It’s got the bones of something beautiful, but right now, it’s not stepping into its own potential. The line breaks are… serviceable, but they don’t do much to amplify the tone or rhythm. Right now, they feel like natural pauses, but that’s it.
Here’s where I’m torn. The forest and sadness are begging for more exploration. What kind of forest are we talking about? Sadness being in front of you is a great setup, but it stops short. What does sadness look like? Without diving into these elements, the forest and sadness feel like placeholders instead of lived experiences. One would assume a poem is roughly based on real life.
Suggestions:
- Push the imagery harder. Make us see the forest and feel the sadness!
- Play with the repetition of the final lines.
- Give us more emotional build-up, more Feelings™
Just dig a little deeper. Trust me, it’s worth it. Expand on this, sand it down, and you'll have something even better than this.
All the best!
Thankyou for suggestions
I loved how this was so short but it really resonated with me and felt powerful in a lot of specific ways.
First, I love how there is this realization of sadness being present. You're walking through a dark place, by yourself, it is dark, and you were unsure of where you are. We don't always feel lonely when we start going through hard things, but sometimes after we far enough into the forest alone, it hits us really hard. We realize that no one is there.
I love the image of sadness being in front of you. It is something that you were walking into. Perhaps you could turn back and try and run out of this forest, but who knows if that would even work anymore. She is in front of you, you have to walk through her in order to get where you were going you don't know how far it's going to be if you will ever get to the end, but all you can see is what is right there reaching out for you. She hugs you in this embrace. I really liked that! Another detail that I liked is the whispering. We know that people often whisper when they are closest to us, others don't need to hear. In this situation, maybe there's no one there at all.
I love how she repeats this twice. This could be symbolic of a lot of things, perhaps things that you've gone through in your life out of occurred multiple times. Or, just how clearly you feel the words of sadness whispering to you when you are alone. Normally we repeat things when we want to make sure that they are heard. I'd like how you express this in a way that makes sadness seem like a friend. I totally agree with this. It's not a thing that we need to ignore feeling, rather, it's important to feel the feelings and press forward and feel them strongly. Awesome work with this! I really liked this poem of yours and I hope that you post more soon. I will be sure to read them
Have a great day and keep on writing.
Your friend,
Ellie
Hey!! I loved how you get every meaning from it and explained it in an easy way. I was smiling reading every line of your message. Thankyou it I'm glad you liked it.
I love the repeating lines! It's like an echo being conveyed into a poem. I really like the lines: "I walked through the dark forest
Sadness was in front of me
She hugged me and whispered
It's okay, I'm with you." It's like sadness is a person reaching out to reader and comforting them that they aren't alone. Really simple and nice poem! - ZK
Thankyou
I like this a lot, could you expand this character more?
Thankyou I will try....