True Life Intro

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Being a teenage isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Movies and books completely cover up what being a teenager is really about. It’s rough, parents think “Oh they are going to be fine.” Hah, what a lie. There are bullies, bullied, populars, nerds, geeks, nobodies, jocks, losers, Mexicans, Asians, weird people, suck ups, wannabe’s, inbetweens, and the black group. Each group is different in so many ways. The bullies are usually the jocks, but let me tell you something. There is always, I mean ALWAYS that one bully who isn’t a jock. Just a big fat ugly bully, who picks on kids just because he has a rough time at home. Populars, jeesh there is always that one girl a ton of people think is nice, but she really is an ass. There are nerds, who are usually the computer wiz kind of people. Geeks, are usually the book nerds. Nobodies, usually the people who don’t like to talk to other people and are always alone. Jocks, usually the super hot jerk guys. Losers, the type of people nobody likes. Mexicans, only because they think they have to stick together. Asians, only because there aren’t much asians in the school. Weird people, usually people who aren’t afraid to be themselves. Suck ups, always the teachers pet, also kind of loud when it comes to talking. Wannabe’s, they try to be in the “ Popular group “ when truth is, no one likes them. Inbetweens, the type of people to know everybody and hang out with everybody. Then finally the black group, these girls are just cruel in so many ways. Every school has this group, it’s a plain simple fact. Also being a teen is about worrying about what you wear or that guy or girl that you’re absolutely obsessed with, but finally just trying to fit in. Every school has that “Dream boy”, “Dream girl”, and the “Cutest couple”. When the truth is the “Custest couple” looks like shit. Dream boy and girl, are just assholes to everyone. All because in this world today, all anyone cares about it looks, or how nice an ass a girl has. Society is all backwards, and us teens have to put up with it. I know all this because I’m a teen. My name is Sky and this is my story.

Hello there!

Well, it certainly looks like Ita did a thorough job of telling you where this piece falls flat, and I really can't top his review. But what I can do for you is give you more suggestions on how you can make this better based on the feedback Ita gave you. So without further ado, off we go!

Let's address the problem of why your audience should care about your piece. As Ita so elegantly explained, this piece is "it's just a bland, boring, flat exposition." Well, what can we do to fix that? The answer is all in the presentation of your piece, both grammatically and in how you present your characters and setting. Think about your all time favorite stories. Why do you like them? Chances are your answer is going to be about the characters, the ideas behind the setting, or the language used. So if you want to make a powerful piece of writing, it's only logical that your work should also have strong presentation.

Let's focus on your viewpoint character, Sky. A lot of the time the key to making ideas as common as the ones in this piece look interesting is exploring how this character, as an individual, sees them. Right now we don't know much about Sky other than the fact that she doesn't appear to have much faith in other teenagers, and even shows of bit of racist tendencies. But what separates her from other characters like her? Nothing so far. So how do you go about making her a more interesting narrator? Well, let's dive in to what we do know about her and work from there.

Sky doesn't have much faith in other teenagers. Why? For something this crucial to your narration you really have to know the reasons behind a character's attitude before you start writing. If you don't know their attitude and just throw the subject in there without any more thought it will seem out of place and/or generic to your audience. This is even more important if you're writing in first person, since that's the one viewpoint where a character's thoughts should be most apparent to the reader so they can really appreciate the character on a deeper level.

If you're having trouble getting started with a reason for Sky's attitude towards others then here are a couple of suggestions. Maybe she had a bad experience with certain people that shaped her views on certain groups (e.g., geeks, jocks, blacks, etc.). Or maybe she heard about how other people were nothing but scum from close family members and adopted those generalizations without actually thinking critically about them. There are many more reasons beyond these two, so do explore what would fit with your narrator's character.

Also explore what you, the author, really want to say about the topics you're talking about. Why are you writing this? Just like it's important to figure out why your character hold a certain viewpoint, it's also important to know why you're writing something. Determine the key points you want to say, and then figure out the best ways to implement those points into your writing. Right now this piece feels like it's rambling without any real purpose, and that's a big reason why it doesn't stand out from other works like it. What are you trying to say, and why should your audience be interested?

And do take Ita's suggestions with the grammar. Improper grammar will distract from your main idea, which can be as damaging as generic ideas and an uninteresting narrator.

Keep in mind that just because a certain idea is cliche or has been done to death does not mean you can't use it. There are plenty of stories out there that use common premises, yet authors put their own spin on those old ideas through their characters and writing style. That's what you really need to focus on here.

To sum up my review:

- Presentation is everything here, from the vocabulary you use to the attitude of the viewpoint character.
- For your narrator, really explore why she feels the way she does about teenagers. No, a list of how certain ethnicities or groups act isn't going to cut it, especially not the way it's written here (which actually comes off as discriminating).
- Straighten out your grammar. There are plenty of websites you can refer to if you need help, and there's even a section on this site for such things. It's called the Knowledge Base.
- Don't be discouraged if you're using a generic idea. Just focus on what new ideas you can bring to the table and how you can really make this story distinctly yours.

Hopefully that helps. Feel free to PM me with any questions or comments.

--Dover

this is so beautiful

i wish i could like this more than once

Uh, hey, Vanilla. Ita here to review.

My first impression after reading this was, well, I don't know. There are many, many angsty teen stories around, and this one doesn't stand out particularly. It's too short, and doesn't really convey anything. You describe what this character thinks of being a teen, not too clearly either, I feel. I mean, it's just a bland, boring, flat exposition. Why do I, as a reader, care? I've been told, and read, this, a million times now. Why do I, as a reader, care about, more specifically, this character? All I know is that this character's name is Sky. You don't even specify gender. So, a mysterious, faceless, completely anonymous character named Sky who doesn't like being a teen. Dayyummm. What I'm trying to say is that you need to make this piece stand out, one way or another. And at the moment, it doesn't. Work on it, expand it, do something to make it different from all the piles and piles of grey, identical angsty teen stories.

Now, onto the grammatical part.

Being a teenage isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.

Movies and books completely cover up what being a teenager is really about. It’s rough, parents think “Oh they are going to be fine.”

There are bullies, bullied, populars, nerds, geeks, nobodies, jocks, losers, Mexicans, Asians, weird people, suck ups, wannabe’s, inbetweens, and the black group. Each group is different in so many ways.

Mexicans, only because they think they have to stick together. Asians, only because there aren’t much asians in the school.

Then finally the black group, these girls are just cruel in so many ways.

Every school has that “Dream boy”, “Dream girl”, and the “Cutest couple”

When the truth is the “Custest couple” looks like shit. Dream boy and girl, are just assholes to everyone. All because in this world today, all anyone cares about it looks, or how nice an ass a girl has.