Open the door
from the other side.
Greet me with
a jet black sky.
Take me from these bright lights,
and lead me through the
darkness of night.
Give me the lovely kiss
of death,
and lay my soul to rest.
Share your silver poison,
and make my flesh
of pale moonlight,
and dip my nails
in the black of night.
Color my eyes
of the reddest
rose.
Paint my lips
of a metallic kiss,
and seal away my cold dead heart
in stone.
~~
Wake me now
from the grave.
To live again
as the walking
undead.
Forevermore
we will rule
the night.
Only to hide
from scorching daylight.
For the burning
sun,
would melt
the flesh
off our silver bones.
Until,
the night is young again.
Then we fly once more,
and feast upon those
hot liquid rubies
we so adore.
With fangs like thorns.
No fears will form.
For I will roam Forevermore.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,433 Literary Works • 673,186 Reviews
I love the decriptiveness and the imagery you put into this, staring into the face a creature who was born of beauty, wrapped in the blanket of the night sky, and weaned on blood. The flow goes nicely but does need more meter to help move it along. I am curious, was this inspired by the book Forevermore?
Thank you for the review! I wrote this a few years ago, I've never read that book.
over all it was ok...
i did love the description like
For the burning
sun,
would melt
the flesh
off our silver bones.
i got vivid images in my head so that was great.
it was repetative though
because you kept rhyming night and light ... which is quite a cliche
i like the formation of the line breaks ... fancy
thank you for the read
Oh, thank you for the review. I didn't notice I did that with night and light.