Published March 16, 2011
I want to die a rose
freshly budding from
the ground,
a summer's day
Rosita
with petals
all colours found,
a tall angelic
flower
of beauty and of lush
that sways
and dances
in the wind rush.
I want to die a rose
shimmering in the sunrise,
and one day be uprooted
to grace a lover's hair
& bring colour to her eyes
my journey will end
in a cherished diary
on a lavender-scented page
with beautiful calligraphy
under me it will say
“Jack gave me this rose
on that sunny day in may”
The living moment is everything.
D.H. Lawrence
occasionally
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,699 Literary Works • 675,580 Reviews
Eep, hiya Upile.
So, I didn’t know quite what to expect when I first clicked on this. Actually, the title had me a bit confused but I have to say, I rather like this. And by rather like this, I mean l like this lot.
A few little pokes and prods though:
I don’t understand the use of Rosita here? Is it another word for “rose.” If it is, it doesn’t need to be capitalized. But isn’t it just a name? I’m just a little lost by its use.
Just figured I would poke you in the nose quick and remind you that M is capitalized in May.
Honestly, there isn’t a whole lot that I can say about it. I liked it because it has an amazing amount of flow and rhythm in it. There was one line where the flow stumbles a little:
It’s maybe just me and the way I’m reading it but it might sound better if “wind” were “windy.”
Other than that, the pacing in this is sweet. It’s nothing particularly extraordinary – though it is a bit hard impress because roses have been used a LOT – but it’s by no means bad either and I did enjoy reading it.
If you’ve any questions, you can leave a post on my wall or shoot me a PM.
~lilymoore