Published February 20, 2011
I've never been hurt this bad
Been this let down
this low,
I've never felt such pain
and thought things so immoral
I feel like a criminal
because of what I'm thinking
I can almost imagine killing,
Shooting you without even blinking
How cruel of me
How cruel of you
For making me this way
For hurting me mercilessly
And breaking me down
Is my fate decided?
Will i always be a shadow
of the girl i used to be?
Will my smile ever return?
Can I,
Will I,
May I,
Be Me again?
Its wicked how you go about
hurting the very people
who care for you the most
taking good girls and
turning them to ghosts
Ghosts of who they
used to be
They become but
mimicries
I never wanted to be this way
to hurt this way
to feel this way
What a pleasure it must be
to know that you hold the power
to numb me
Then make me feel whatever
you'd like
And heal me just to hurt me
And build me just to break me
I was the perfect victim
so vulnerable , so naive
ready to believe you
unconsciously i was just right
the perfect girl to wrong
the lovesick type,
so willing to be loved
so eager to belong
They told me, warned me
Tried to make me see
To see the person who you are
The person you were making
me
but i was stubborn
I ignored the signs
I was defending a boy
a boy i thought was mine
My guard was always down
because I trusted you
I trusted you with
Everything
Everything that once made me
Me
Then you did it
As I watched defencelessly
Tears flowed out of my eyes
Right then and there
You bent it,
Crushed it,
Broke it
Tore it apart
Right in front of me
You broke my fragile
Heart
And though you did this
to me
I still love you
I can never have you
Though I'll always want you
I can never harm you
Though I'll always want to
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140,586 Literary Works • 673,539 Reviews
Hey Upile,
I'm here as requested.
I really liked this. There was a lot of emotion and it was very realistic. The one thing about this poem that confuses me is your repitition. Sometimes your use of repitition in this poem is really good, and sometimes it's a little unecessary.
Here's one example where I didn't like your use of repitition. It's a little over the top, and your reader could easily understand the same thing by you writing "Will I be me again?"
However, it's lines like these that make me rethink your entire poem. These two lines might be your best here, so don't change them. That's the sort of emphasis that lets you take control of your reader.
Keep up the good work!
-Alex
Thank you very much for your sweet reviews. Both. I won't let you down.
xx Upile xx
it was so nice...i love the way you have captured the hurt and the pain....I mean by reading the poem itself I could make out the extent of hurt and pain suffered....it was lovable......keep writing like this...because these are the kind of words people love to read through....Me for example...
I hope the poem did not come out of real experience...not because of some problem..its just that i don't like to imagine the hurt an experience of this kind would cause....well...keep it going:)
hey there, thanx a lot. I know that 'I' thing is like one of my worst habits. I'm so touched by your comment, this poem came from somewhere deep within me. Glad you liked it.
xxx Upile xxx
I loved this, I really did. So many people have been hurt like this.. most readers will be able to relate. One thing I suggest though is making sure all of your "I's" are captilized. some are, but them some arn't. This is really very good, by the way.. I almost cried...