My Own World

Hello!
This was great, it was short and simple and I absolutely loved it because it's easy to relate to. I spend most of my time in my own world and this described exactly how I felt. The rhyming scheme was great too.
One little thing was I don't believe there should be an apostrphe in hits.
Other than that, it's a great little poem! Good work!

I really liked it, the it had great flow. The only thing I would change is the commas, I would put a line break behind every comma so that it would flow even better. Great Job!

I liked this. It flowed well and I didn't come across much errors. The only lines that I feel were forced, however, were the first two lines. Maybe you could have found a better word to rhyme with 'world'. Oh well, overall, though, this poem was great. Relatable, good rhythm, and very interesting. Keep up the good work. Hope I come across some of your work later.

Undertaker wrote:((Hey, had to write a couple poems for class, sadly though, this was to only one that I could find...))

My Own World

Like a portal into a far away world
My hopes, my dreams, my future is hurled
Far from the end, call it the start
Amazing creation, a real work of art
Pages turning, pictures flying by
My imagination hits the sky I don't think the apostrophe is supposed to be there
Words blend together, in a beautiful rhyme
Tick tock, tick tock goes the time
Exciting adventures about to begin
A whole other world I can get lost in

That was very awesome!! I loved it!! It is a lot better then my poems are turning out to be!!! Keep up the awesome writing!!!

Thanks, and re-reading it your right. The "an" does sound a little weird in that sentence. Thanks for the advice!

And I'll try an keep up the good work!

Great poem Undertaker!

I like the fact that it is short and simple which makes it catchy.

However, this sentence doesn't quite sound right to me:
' An exciting adventures about to begin'
I think it should be:
' Exciting adventures about to begin' - so all you're doing is removing the 'an' then i believe it would fit in more nicely.

I like the work so far, keep it up

I'm glad that you like it. I have to say, you were right, I like the left aligned much better than when it was centered. So thank you for the criticism, I really needed it!

I'll try and come up with more poems, hopefully you'll enjoy them too! ^-^

~Undertaker

Hey,

congratulations, you have written a piece where, for me, the rhyme doesn't feel forced and works. So that automatically makes this poem amazing.

However you misspelled poem at the top in the description.

I don't however like the layout of the poem. I think it should be left-aligned like most peoples as it looks childish at the moment.

Well done.

I can't wait to read more.

~Retro Disco666