Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for violence and mature content.
“Do I frighten you, Father?”
The priest blinks but answers quickly. “No, my son. I pray that it did not pain you too much.”
“It did. More than anything you could possibly imagine.”
The priest sighs and lowers his eyes. A sympathetic gesture? “I am sorry. The Lord's plan is never quite what we would wish but in the end, it is for the best.” He gestures a cross in the air above his heart.
I smile, the skin of my lips, or what was left thereof, lifted, revealing my teeth. A sinister smile, I'm told. And my bright blue eyes do nothing to lessen the nature.
“The Lord's plan,” I say, glancing to the ceiling. “He does have mysterious ways, doesn't He.”
“He does. But it is the perfect way.”
I drop my eyes back down to his. He's staring at me.
“Perfect. God is perfect. His plan is perfect,” I smile again without showing my teeth. “Odd then, that His prized creations would not be perfect.”
“In order for love to exist, we were given free will. But with that free will, sin was created. It is not we who are imperfect, my son. But the sin that lies within our choices.”
“Indeed,” I say, tilting my head, holding his gaze. “Why, then would we have the chance to sin? Would not a perfect God know that we would choose the wrong thing every time?”
“He would have to make us either mindless robots who were incapable of love within free will or we would be as Him. And He does not share his glory, my son.”
“Call me Kaiser.”
The priest nods. “So, Kaiser, tell me, what brings you here. You do not seem the type of man that wishes to discuss theology.”
“And what type of man do I seem to be, Father...?”
“Harris.”
“Father Harris.”
“I cannot tell.” The priest folds his hands and rested his arms on the pew in front of him. “Perhaps a penitent one. But you don't seem fully convinced. Perhaps, this is your last resort for redemption.”
I keep my stare on him, not saying anything. Outside, the rain begins to fall, pattering lightly against the stained windows. It's now that Father realizes that I had left the large, wooden door open.
He puts his hands down to push himself to his feet when he stops, seeing me watching him. Something in my eyes must frighten him because he sits back down.
“And, uh, what is it that you would like to confess?”
I turn in my seat, now facing the likeness of Christ, and lean back. Had Jesus wept blood upon his death?
“Everything.”
The priest says nothing, waiting patiently. I notice him subtly glance at his watch again. I must be keeping him from something. I smile again, keeping my gaze ahead.
“I suppose I shall have to go back to the beginning.” I breathe deeply. “When I was three, my mother married my step-father, Jerry. Met him on some dating website since she had no time to socialize with her nursing school and taking care of three of us. My older brother was only five but he did the best he could to help her. My younger sister was eight months old.
I barely remember any of this but they fell in love and within three weeks, they were married in Vegas by some Elvis preacher. Then they moved down here for his job. I never knew what he did until I was older but we'll get to that.” I wave my hand dismissively and lean forward, placing my elbows on my thighs. “Well, she was with him for ten years. And, over that time, he became increasingly more aggressive. He forced her to drop out of nursing school just before she graduated and he came home drunk a lot. Regularly beat all of us. Except for Hannah. He left her alone. She was only ten and beautiful. Blonde hair, green eyes, a smile that could brighten a room.” I pause for a second, allowing the feeling to pass.
“After she quit nursing school, dear mother found a job as a bartender at the bar where my step-father worked so he could keep an eye on her. Apparently, he would nearly beat to death any man that even looked at her wrong. He worked for a man named Jared Taylor.” I pause again, seeing the recognition flash across his face.
“The Jared Taylor? Drug lord that was killed in that cult execution?”
I nod.
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140,196 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
Heya again, Tyler! I noticed this(as I mentioned in my previous review!) So I'm here to review it as well.
I'm not gonna do the,"Good Vs. Bad thing" this time- I'm just going to tell you what I honestly think. I honestly think that you have a good idea here- and you could possibly turn it into a novel. But I think you're doing so blandly- you're spicing it up to much with adjectives focusing on detail and leaving the story to rot. That kind of thing is better in poetry- imagery that is. I say tone down the imagery and the descriptions a bite, spice up the dialogue, give the characters LIFE instead this edgy blandness where it feels as if the characters are just using redundant dialogue to get through to the next thing. Spice it up a bit, get creative, even a bit random. I promise you- it can't hurt to try.
I don't know if I said this in my last review(Yes, I've already forgotten what I said in my last review) But I'm going to say it anyway-"Repetition impresses facts upon dull minds." It's something my 9th grade Algebra One teacher used to tell me before she retired- and it stuck in my mind. Basically what this is saying is the more you work at it, the more you try, the more you don't give up, the better you can be. So I say try. Try and try and try until you feel like you can't try anymore. Then pick yourself up off the ground and try again. Because at the moment your ground is fertile- you just don't know how to plant the seed. If you want that wonderful harvest at the end of the season- that perfect story- till the ground. Get through the good and the bad in your story. Plant the seed of regrowth. Start the new story- with the original idea. Go through it, pick out the good and the bad and find what you think is great.
I'm sure this would make one hell of a novel.
Sincerely- Matthew Casanova Aaron.
Hello again! My name is Gummy and I'm here to review the second part of your work. As usual, I'm going to review the best points I could find after reading this story a handful of times.
...To be honest, I liked the first story much, much better than this one. In the first story, you gave amazing descriptions regarding the environment and the mood that the character--henceforth referred to by the name you... christened... him with: Kaiser--was going through at any given moment in the scene.
In contrast, the first half of the story is preachy, redundant dialogue that provides little to no advancement to the plot. Sure, Kaiser does stretch his arms and smile a little, but for a huge chunk of the story, the only characterization given to these two characters is their names.
Let's talk about the second half of the story. It's pretty much the opposite of its counterpart. It's a smorgasbord of exposition and forces a huge block of backstory onto the reader's shoulders--backstory that will most likely be vital to the plot of the whole thing.
I'm just saying, the reader could use a more dynamic way of learning the physical attributes of notable objects or the key elements of the backstory. I know you're capable of this because I've read Part 1. If you keep the quality of your later works around the quality of that first story, you might have a respectable work signed with your name on it. I know you can do better, and I want to be proven right. Best of luck in your future endeavors!
~Gummy