Deep down I knew that you'd come back, so I've left you the key underneath the welcome mat. The lights have been left on and the photos that we admired are still up. Your coffee is there and like your room it's been untouched.This old place is anticipating for your arrival. Back and forth my fragile heart sits in the creaking chair to greet you with the same question.
Like many people your response will never change. It's as if we are scripted; I have rehearsed to react with the same tears. I am prepared to listen that you're here... to escape-not to stay.
Excuse me, let me gather myself and put your words in my mouth because I am aware of how different you can become if I don't take your coat so you can rest. Put up your feet and I'll fan you! I can't think of anything else to aid you with...but if you have anything else in mind confront me and I'll be glad to help.
I'll do whatever it takes just so that you can stay. Just stay a little longer so we can pretend...I know that you haven't forgotten how to use your imagination. Everything will be okay, time has given us this place to be free from affliction. I want to forget the depth and the empty threats. I want to forget that we wont ever end. We are unwanted spirits searching for comfort.
Like many people, I can't ever change so I've left you the key underneath the welcome mat.
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
Hi there and Welcome to YWS!
This was a really good piece of writing. I didnt put poem because it looks more like a short story!!!
So I noticed how you put this in the poetry section, but to me it reads more like a short story.
As a poem, it should be a little shorter, When I first clicked on this, I thought that it was a short story...
Some of it is the way you put it, and how it is so long.
As @FireRose said, It should look like this:
"Deep down I knew you would come back,
So I left you the key under the welcome mat.
The lights have been left on,
The photos we admired are still up.
Your coffee is ready and your room has been untouched." etc.
This is all that i have seen so far, I might come and re-review it later one....
~B.
Yeah I just realized how odd my spacing is but that's only because I have this poem on my Hennen's Observer(another writing website) and so I just copied and pasted everything onto here. Also I agree that this is more of a short story and thanks for reviewing:)
Hi there and Welcome to YWS!
So this is an interesting piece of work, and I think that it is true, in a way. So I noticed how you put this down as poetry, but to me it reads more like a story. Some of it is the way you formatted it. As a poem, it should look something like this:
"Deep down I knew you would come back,
So I left you the key under the welcome mat.
The lights have been left on,
The photos we admired are still up.
Your coffee is ready and your room has been untouched." etc. That's all I noticed! I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful!
No, I need all the help I can get and thank you so much!