• Home

Young Writers Society

E - Everyone

Morning Miracle

by TwistedBeautifulMind

The sun was beginning to seep through the window, the morning rays waking me from a dream. The early morning sounds of fluttering birds perching on branches and singing, the wind gently rustling the fallen November leaves created a quiet landscape for me to awaken too. However, what I found next to me seemed more of a dream than the one I had just departed. Her head was resting in the crook of my shoulder, rising and falling with my breathing. Her long brown hair was cascading across my chest, like a river flowing gently through the plains, strung about in a seemingly random manner. Her arm draped across me, her hand pressed against my ribs. Skimming her arm with my fingertips with the utmost tenderness causing her to stir slightly. Pulled tight against me, leaving no morsel of space between us, her leg was thrown over mine, she seemed completely entangled in me with no possibility of separating. I can feel her soft breaths on me as I stroke her delicate face with my thumb and finger, amazed at how such a miracle could be found in my bed. Running my hand through her hair to reveal her soft lips that I knew hid a stunning smile, one that could lighten the most somber room or darkest day, the very same one that entraps me in its beauty every time I see it. Feeling her strong jawline beneath my hand, knowing it belongs to a woman who emits such confidence and independence it scares away most men, but also to a woman who yearns to be cared for, to feel the embrace of someone she trusts and is safe with. Her closed eyes hide jems that put even the most spectacular jewels to shame as if they were common pebbles, eyes that can easily pierce through a man she doesn’t trust, eyes that gleam when she laughs, eyes that seem to hold a million answers and even more questions. Wanting to wake her to enjoy her company, to hear her soft singsong voice, to see the sleepiness be washed away from her eyes when she realizes where she is, but this is all matched by wanting to leave her where she is, to fully take in the beauty of what lays before me could take a million lifetimes, if i could only capture it in a painting it would surely put Picasso to shame.

Is this a review?



User avatar
9 Reviews

Points: 395
Reviews: 9

Sun Feb 06, 2022 5:47 pm
nashville_skyline says...

The first thought was to say "lucky her" for having somebody who describes and mostly adore her this way. :-) But seriously, beautifully written.
I especially liked the part "..what I found next to me seemed more of a dream than the one I had just departed".

User avatar
289 Reviews

Points: 304
Reviews: 289

Fri Feb 04, 2022 1:54 pm
MissGangamash wrote a review...


This was a really beautiful, simple piece. I loved all the intricate descriptions you used.

A few nitpicks-

You switch POV. You start in past then move to present.

The 'however' breaks the flow of the writing. When reading, its very melodic and smooth and then the 'however' just feels like a speed bump that knocks you out of rhythm.

'jems' - gems.

Perhaps Picasso isn't the best choice of painter to use as he's famous for painting vert abstract portraits rather than real-life that capture the beauty of his subject.

Also, I know this is just a snapshot of a moment, but I think it would add to the piece if we got a little glimpse of the relationship. You mention that she usually scares away men, so how did the narrator manage to get where they are with her? (Is the narrator a woman?) Even just a 'it scares away most men, but not me' (and then maybe a little bit about why not them) just something to widen the scope of the story just a little so the reader can feel a connection to this couple.

Lovely piece, hope this helps!

User avatar
957 Reviews

Points: 114
Reviews: 957

Mon Jan 24, 2022 3:28 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...

Wow! This poem was very relaxing and detailed to read.I loved reading it.This was romantic,you can feel the emotions coming from the words in the poem.The fact that the narrator mentions that her eyes shine like jewels shows how much the narrator sees her as a goddess,as someone much more than humanity itself.I hope you have a lovely and wonderful day and night!

The magic is only in what books say, how they stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us.
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451