Young Writers Society

Well this is a little different from what I am use to reading from you.....I do not know what was the message you was trying to give but I can tell you what I think. I feel like you where linking human life with nature which is cool. I see how you have the city and the leaves and the flowers and bark all coincided in the same manner. They all stood strong on their own, then you hand the kids who are like the birds in the forest happy, cheerfully, in their element. If this is what you was trying to do then you are truly gifted at what you do Tues.

Hey Tuesday!

So this one really shows a problem with punctuation. I'm going to focus my review there. Mostly, you've got too much of it. If you keep all of this punctuation then every two words is going to have a dramatic pause. Try to speak like that, speak really really seriously and like, pause after, every couple, of words. That's really not conductive to a good message. So let's break down your punctuation.

I think the reason you ended up with so much punctuation is because you're not using poetry as a way to communicate in this poem, you're using it more as a way to say something that you want to make an impact, but it just sort of became a repetitive massaging motion of hammering, completely the opposite effect. Instead of giving us short sweet two word things that are all alliterated, give us alliteration dabbled in like sprinkles in a confetti cupcake. That's going to give us a much better flow, an actual message, and a good poem.

If we take this poem right now and fix the punctuation it ends up reading like this: "Little leafs, stand strong against allies, peaking proudly. White willows breaking bark staying strong watching wishfully. Reckless robins chirping cheerfully fly to freedom. Wings for the win! Cheerful children dancing dearly shun shining watching to wait. Ceaseless city standing strong against allies, peaking proudly."

That really doesn't say much. It doesn't really give us a clear idea of what's going on, it's too caught up in the alliteration to really get full sentences and because of that, we sort of have a list of words that start with the same sound and not an actual poem or description. If you take that away, you can see that peaking proudly really doesn't make any sense alone. How can someone peak proudly at anything? Why would a city have to defend itself against allies? What's with the breaking bark staying strong? How can something broken be strong?

A lot of these pairs really don't go together which makes it all the more confusing and because of that, the only thing you have left to do is put punctuation in to try to make it make sense, but in reality, you just need to re-capture the idea and rewrite it in a more communicative tone. All poetic devices should be used like sprinkles. Your batter is your words. We need sprinkles with our batter, not batter with our sprinkles.

Hello Tuesday, merry Wednesday. Reading about nature always calms me and a smiling sun always brightens my day. Thank you for sharing this wonderful review with me. I'm not too big on reviewing poetry so I'll just leave you with this. Nature is the world's greatest scenery and I believe that this will help many people sleep in the near future. I have posted so many reviews because I was trying to get some points, but it wasn't long enough. I truly thank you for sharing it with the world.

Hello Tuesday, merry Wednesday. Reading about nature always calms me and a smiling sun always brightens my day. Thank you for sharing this wonderful review with me. I'm not too big on reviewing poetry so I'll just leave you with this. Nature is the world's greatest scenery.

Hello Tuesday, merry Wednesday. Reading about nature always calms me and a smiling sun always brightens my day. Thank you for sharing this wonderful review with me. I'm not too big on reviewing poetry so I'll just leave you with this. Nature is the world's greatest scenery.

Hello Tuesday, merry Wednesday. Reading about nature always calms me and a smiling sun always brightens my day. Thank you for sharing this wonderful review with me. I'm not too big on reviewing poetry so I'll just leave you with this. Nature is the world's greatest scenery.

Hey there. I'm here for The Big Review.

This is an interesting poem. I like what you tried to do with the alliteration.

In this case, however, I think your adherence to the form of the poem is clouding your meaning. As a whole, I find it hard to understand the poem, and the punctuation is odd.

Your main problem is that you have too much punctuation. Punctuation exists to create natural breaks in the flow of the words. It groups a phrase or an idea together. Line breaks in poetry also do this, and stanza breaks even more. The way it breaks these ideas up is by slowing down the reader, so the reader can absorb the idea as a separate entity. Thus, when you have a comma, the reader pauses. A line break is also a pause. Stanzas and periods are generally closer to stops. Semicolons are worse than periods because readers are often unused to them, and so they take the reader out of the poem, especially when not used in a way that is technically grammatically correct.

Because of this, when you combine punctuation and line breaks every few words, the reader pauses so often that it becomes hard to string together the meaning of the poem, and the flow becomes very choppy and jarring.

In general, I'd recommend changing the punctuation so it follows the conventions of a sentence better. This will free up the reader to pay attention to the meaning of the poem.

little leafs,

stand strong,

against allies;
peaking proudly.

white willows,
breaking bark,
staying strong;
watching wishfully.

reckless robins,
chirp cheerfully,
fly to freedom;
wings for the win.

cheerful children,
dance dearly,
sun shining;
watching to wait.

ceaseless city,
stand strong,
against allies;
peaking proudly.

Hey hey!

Okay, so from the description you said that you almost fell asleep writing this... If that is true it sure doesn't seem like that. This poem has very nice structure and also a really cool rhythm type feeling to it (if that makes any sense at all)

I loved the progression of this story mad I like the two word pattern going on through out the story. I think that not only has your creativity been seen through this poem but also your organization.

Personally, I feel like a good looking poem is just as important as the poem itself. I think that poetry is more than an art form of writing but of visual art as well... If that makes sense. I think that you have made your poem very organized which makes it visually beautiful as well.

I have to begone at when I say I have never really read a poem like this before, and I kinda dug it. It really was a journey of progression. It started with 'little leaves' and ended with 'ceaseless cities'. I loved the journey you took me on, and I think thy that is a talent that not everyone has. So great job!

Overall, fantastic poem! Keep on writing because you have an insane talent that people need to see . I hope you get some sleep so I can see what amazing writing you write when you are actually awake

Stay classy and write on.

-Annaclare

Hello there.

First four lines are supposed to be a stanza? If so, then why the awkward spacing? Just an opinion but it made my reading a bit chopper than you must have intended.

stand strong, against allies

peaking proudly

watching to wait

Wings for the win