Young Writers Society

A little confusing but I am sure you meant for it to go that way. Love the mysterious flow you used and your ideas for this poem gives it a pitch black feelings. Like I told you I believe you would make and excellent song writer because you put emotions into your poem and that is key in the music industry. Love the way you use emotional words to put the reader in a mind set that you want.

Hey Tues! Nice to see you back.

This is a pretty cool poem. However, it is a little confusing. The first two stanzas seem to be the most disorienting, while the third seems to be setting up a background for the fourth. In the fourth stanza, you finally get to the dragonflies, but in the fifth you return to the idea of a snake rather than focusing on the dragonflies. Although your title is "dragonfly days ", only the third and fourth stanza seemed relevant. (Not criticising your first two- they seem neat but not exactly clear or specific)

Also, in the second stanza you may have wanted "passion's" rather than "passions". did you really want to capitalise that last line of the second stanza?

The old English is pretty cool, I don't see much of that. It reminds readers to look a bit more closely at the poem to decipher its meaning.

Anyway, this ids pretty nice. Glad you're back, and I hope you keep up with all your writing!

-Falco

Hello!

So I like what you're doing here. You've got some awesome images. I'm always a sucker to nature images, and I love dragonflies especially, so your title caught my attention.

You really have awesome diction here. A+
And a lot of nice poetic language too. It makes the poem read really solid. And if everything to a poem is just to sound pretty, this does that. Some people think that's one thing a poem can be used for. Sometimes the whole purpose of a poem IS just to sound pretty. But I like poems with a bit more meat to them.
You do have some meat here, with the brightness contrasting the darkness at the end.
But for a lot of this, I felt like you were just trying to sound poetic, and there wasn't really a meaning behind it. I could be wrong in that observation though. I am tired, and it's harder for me to grasp the intended deeper meanings of poetry when I am tired, but I couldn't really find much other than this lovely imagery. Now you might not need anything more: that's up to you. I'm just saying I think I personally would like it if it was a little more fleshed out meaning-wise.

Something else about this 'sounding poetic' stuff. It makes your lines read kind of awkward. What I think it is is that you're trying to write in an older, more classical style. And for the most part, you do pretty well, but it's obvious that it wasn't written back then, because there are come lapses from that voice, and so it makes it sound forced and awkward because it doesn't sound like your natural voice.
For example:

of gleeful hint of smugness felt

Care be affront of your clear mind
and only sips be taken thus

from passions overflowing cup

Hey again,

You're trying too hard <3

I think it's really pretty sounding because of the old english, but with how it sounds now, you're ending up not really saying anything. It's sort of like a song that goes in circles about nothing in particular and it doesn't really draw an emotional reaction because of that.

Instead of going for old english, when you see yourself doing this, try to stop, and consider what you want to say. What's the point of the poem you're trying to write? Don't just write, but think about exactly what your goal is. Whether that's to describe a piece of trash, or to make someone feel the pain you're feeling, make that the focus of your mind as you're writing the poem. That way, when you start getting into this sort of language, you actually have a goal. It's sort of like having to write an essay but not having a clear thesis. You end up at the end and your thesis comes out then all of your points don't really match.

So yes, I like this poem. It's pretty, but it's not functional. It's sort of like a paper weight when everything is electronic now a days.

What I'd like to see is you write a poem about something in this poem that really gets a rise out of you. Read it over yourself and see what makes you feel the most. From that point, write about how that makes you feel in modern language and really get everything you want to say out, then immediately go back and edit out anything that gets off of that feeling, that's too kind, that is safe, and then, from there, make all of the pieces fit together with a little bit of mixing and matching. That, is what I want to see you post.

Why? Because I know you can do it.

Your challenge has been issued.

-Aley