Young Writers Society

Twist sat in a holding cell, hands folded in his lap and sitting straight up. There were two others in the cell with him-- a rebellious teen with a bright pink mohawk, piercings, and tattoos all down one arm. He sat stoically on his side of the bench, staring off in the distance and not saying a word. The other was a girl, hair cut short and wearing boots and jeans, trying not to cry, but one tear slipping down her face.

He was already plotting his escape. He had seen the guards leading some other prisoners out for their daily exercise. That was his opportunity. He felt for his knife and then realized it wasn't there. Of course. No guard would be stupid enough to leave him with a dangerous weapon.

Cradling his head in his hands, he contemplated what this would mean. He was a criminal now, his name entered into the system. The law enforcement agencies now had his picture, all of his personal information, matched with his name and previous crimes. This would be a setback to his strides towards being a professional smuggler in the underworld of London.

A guard slid open the food slot and deposited three trays of food. Twist grabbed his, also swiping a hunk of bread from someone else's tray and sliding it into his free hand. He had practiced maneuvers similar to that many times in the past, and thought that he had pulled it off without a hitch.

He noticed the girl glaring at him, tears all dried and fists raised. “That's MY bread that you just snitched.”

Twist felt his face turn read, and he backed up defensively. “I'm sorry, okay? I haven't eaten since yesterday.”

For a moment, Twist thought he saw something like pity spread across her face, but then it vanished. “Don't matter. You steal my food, you get a pounding. That's the way it works where I'm from.”

“Take your bread back, if it means so much to you. Pardon me trying to survive,” he snapped. The girl didn't even hesitate, but swung at his head. Twist ducked, and caught her other fist. Shoving her against the wall roughly, he punched at her nose fairly gently. It wouldn't bleed, just sting, and would probably stifle her arrogance.

The girl leaned back successfully, dodging his blow, and kicked him in the gut. As he groaned, she got in one good blow to his right eye. Twist collapsed, trying not to moan as he carefully pushed himself to his feet and sat back down on the bench.

His eye stung, but nothing that he couldn't handle. He wouldn't give her the satisfaction of seeing him cry, or the other boy, who was snickering at his beating. In the underworld, girls were respected as much as boys. Anybody with a knife was respected, regardless of their gender. But it was still embarrassing to be beat up by somebody, especially after he had done something so stupid and had a lack of an excuse.

He slunk back to his bench, ignoring the laughter from the teenager next to him. His head was pounding, but he couldn't risk distraction for even one moment. He needed to find a way out of here and back to his home, even if it was just the streets of London. Anything was better than this musty old jail cell.

There were footsteps outside, and Twist sat up as straight as he could and folded his hands on his lap, trying to look as innocent as possible. Two guards appeared outside the cell, one holding a thick ring of keys and the other trying to look as intimidating as possible, gently cradling his gun at his side.

One of the guards fumbled with some of the keys until he found the right one, a thick iron one that he inserted into the keyhole and turned it. The gears turned, and then the door swung open. Twist tensed his legs, ready to run if and when the opportunity presented itself.

“Come with me,” the officer beckoned. He grabbed onto both of Twist's arms and wrenched them behind his back, and the other handcuffed him and marched him out of the cell, closing the door behind him and relocking it.

He was rudely pushed forward by the guard, and he stumbled before walking a little bit faster. They turned through a maze of hallways and doors until they reached the one that led outside.

Twist squinted as the sun shone into his eyes, trying to look down but keep moving, He was pushed down into a cage-like structure, and one of the guards informed him that he had an hour until he was taken back inside.

He started to stretch, pulling his foot up to his butt and holding the pose for ten seconds before switching feet and repeating the exercise before stretching his arms and other muscles. He started to run laps around the small structure, then jumped onto the bars and did a couple of chin-ups, then started doing sit-ups and push-ups.

He continued in just random exercises for as long as he could, trying to warm up for his predetermined dash to freedom. He knew that there was an opportunity here, before the guards got suspicious. Plus, he couldn't live with his cellmates for any longer.

Thankfully, the guard who opened his door was skinny and fairly scrawny. Twist was certain he could take him out, and the end was already in sight. He just had to run as quickly as possible towards the fence, jump it, and then disappear into the London alleys. He prepared himself, and then the door swung open.

Twist shot out, swinging at the guard to knock him flat on his back. The guard groaned, but Twist wasn't around to hear him. He was already zigzagging past the others, legs pumping as he sprinted towards the fence. Gunshots tore up the ground around him, all the guards posted in the fence firing at him as he tried to escape. His heart was racing almost as fast as his legs, and although he had a good headstart on the guards, they were catching up. A loud boom sounded from in front of him, and he fell forward as another bullet came towards him. Twist tried to scuttle backwards, but one of the guards dove towards him, pulled out his gun, and smashed it across his face. Then all Twist could see was white, and all he could hear was the pain screeching in his ears as he faded into unconsciousness.  

A/N: Thanks for reading guys! If you haven't already read the first two parts, that could help provide a little background. If you wouldn't mind, I have a few things that I would appreciate you focusing on in your reviews. Of course, any other feedback is certainly welcome and appreciated, but there are two things in particular that I often struggle with: 

1) Twist's character: Was he believable? Did you emphasize with his struggles? Did he seem like an intriguing MC, with quirks and a solid and slightly likeable personality? 

2) The pacing of the story: Did I put too much detail on the smaller parts and neglect the bigger parts? Should I expand more on different sections, or did I info-dump anywhere? Is there any part that you felt was a good idea but just not executed well? 

Thanks again!