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by Tuckster

The familiarity
of all these patterns
brings back memories.

Memories of youth
memories of growth,
memories of triumph.

Those stripes are
the same color
as my first blanket.

Those polka dots
match my favorite
set of pajamas.

The plaid reminds
me of my father's
favorite shirt.

This argyle matches
ugly Christmas sweaters
my grandpa used to wear.

The tartan is the same
pattern as my old
high school uniform.

These patterns have been
interwoven into my life.
They are part of me.

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User avatar
325 Reviews

Points: 689
Reviews: 325

Tue Feb 12, 2019 1:47 pm
SunsetTree wrote a review...

This is quite a bit different than the other poem you have posted to the side of the page, "Masks"...whereas "Masks" is wordy and insightful, this poem is about as straightforward and simple as it gets. It shows an impressive amount of versatility as a writer to be able to come up with two completely different poems like you have.

For ways you can improve this poem...I'd like it to say more. The narrator has these "memories of youth, growth, and triumph," but that's not actually reflected in the narrative. What's so triumphant about their dad's favorite shirt? What about their pajamas remind them of youth? Did they play games with their siblings in them or get read bedtime stories...?

I don't feel like the narrator grows at all through the course of the poem. Instead of ending with a line that emphasizes growth, you end on "they are a part of me," which should be conveyed through the actual telling of the poem, instead of having to remind us again at the end. For example, instead of just telling us that the plaid reminds the narrator of their dad's favorite shirt, that line should tell the reader how that plaid also becomes part of them. That way, you clear up space for the last line to actually tell the reader something new and different and tie up the ends of "youth growth and triumph"

Or you can just remove the "youth growth and triumph" stanza and I think this poem would still stand fine on its own as a quaint and enjoyable nostalgic poem.

Tuckster says...

Thanks for your review! I agree with a lot of what you said here, and I'll definitely keep it in mind if and when I revise it. Thanks again!

User avatar
395 Reviews

Points: 18604
Reviews: 395

Mon Feb 11, 2019 12:22 pm
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here on this lovely day.

This is a really good poem you have here, and I loved reading it. With the way you said it, it kind of felt like you where telling us a story that meant a lot to the person telling us all this stuff.
Because it felt you were telling a story, it felt like a lot of emotion had been put into this poem. Over all I think you did a really great job writing this poem out. I didn't see anything wrong with the spelling and punctuation.
I also liked that the poem was nice and long. I like those type of poems.
But I did see one thing that isn't really anything to worry about, but I still would like to tell you about it. I would like it that some of the words rimed with each other. it would help with the flow and make the poem a bit more exciting to read. But that is all up to you. I just thought I should tell you about it.

Well that's it from me for today. I loved reading your poem, and I think you did a great job. I hope to see more of your works out on YWS soon. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix. :D

Tuckster says...

Thanks so much for your review! I%u2019ll definitely take your suggestions into consideration when I edit. Thanks again!

Your welcome. :D

I know history. There are many names in history, but none of them are ours.
— Richard Siken