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Young Writers Society



Even stars must fall

by Tríona


Chapter 1 ; Even Stars must Fall

Miss Musgrave, could you please share with the class what you find so extremely fascinating about the back of Mr. Browns head?’

Cassandra started, awaking from her reverie, blushed and then stared intently at the maths book in front of her. A chorus of suppressed giggles erupted from behind her as she sank down further in the seat. She cast a cautious glance at the aged clock on the wall in front of her. Its ancient hands, once black and shiny, had now been reduced to a murky grey, weighed down with dust and grime. From its perch over the tainted, dull blackboard it had a detailed view of its surroundings -the colourless charts suspended precariously on the walls, the tattered schoolbooks decorated with expressions like “Smile once in a while” and “ Ann loves ?? 4ever” and, of course, the students seated at orderly lines of desks all wearing the same uninterested expressions on their faces. Mr. Doyle, the maths teacher, was rattling away about advanced algebra when, suddenly, the bell rang. His final sentence was drowned out by the clattering of desks, chairs and school bags. Cassandra waited, packing her books away slowly before trudging out the door and into the hallway beyond.

She hadn’t gotten far before the patter of footsteps tottered up behind her.

“ Cass, hey Cass - he-llo!”

A tall blond girl waved her hand animatedly in front of Cassandra’s face, almost skimming the top of her nose. Cass blinked.

“ Oh, hi Liz, sorry I didn’t see you there!” she spluttered.

Liz smiled and flicked a strand of stray hair away from her face. As they walked side by side the differences between them were obvious; Liz tall and charismatic almost dwarfed her friend who was small and glum looking. Cass pulled her hand through her thick, black hair.

“ Bad day?” Liz questioned, carefully scrutinising her little friend.

Cassandra sighed and related the occurrence in the maths room.

“Ooh, embarrassing huh. Still, nothing could top science remember? It took a month for that patch of hair to grow back!”

It wasn’t long before Liz had Cass in fits of laughter and a happy smile crossed her face as she made her way home.

*********************************

Far away deep in the centre of a wood a meeting was about to commence. The large stone circle which loomed in the centre of the wood was glowing a golden orange as a large bonfire crackled and sparked in its centre. A ghostlike silence reined making the large oak trees seem even more foreboding. Slowly eerie figures started to emerge from the dense undergrowth. Their eyes, hidden under dark green cloaks, seemed to dart to and fourth from under their shadowy hoods. When the area around this stone circle was filled a hushed muttering began. Suddenly one of the hooded ones stepped forward into the clearing. They slowly raised their hand to the hood covering their face and lowered it. The muttering stopped abruptly as the light from the fire illuminated her striking features; her dark eyes and straight black hair which fell almost to her waist, tinted only by a grey streak which shadowed her left eye. She raised her hands.

“Sisters,” she cried. Her voice pierced the darkness shattering the calm serenity. A barn owl screeched in the distance.

“ From the beginning of time we, the Witches of the White Coven, have protected the world from the destruction of the dark magic. Yet again our task has been threatened. Our nemesis’s, the dark sorcerers have attacked and murdered some of our coven killing them without mercy.”

Gasps echoed throughout the clearing as the witches shuddered and recoiled at her words. Death was inevitable but death by a sorcerer’s hand was something which no witch whished to ever experience.

“Our task is clear!” cried the head witch. “ War is our only hope! Our comrades the centaurs, and the vampires and werewolves of the east have agreed to help us in our plight…”

Suddenly there was a thundering sound of hooves in the distance. The ground shook as hundreds of small animals and deer fled in terror from an invisible force. A look of dread flashed across the faces of all the witches. The head witch looked up utter revulsion etched on her face. In the distance a cry was heard:

“Trolls!”

Suddenly the clearing was surrounded. Trolls, massive creatures, couldn’t be described as the most attractive of beings. Their wrinkly mouldy lemon coloured skin sagged in the places where it wasn’t covered in warts, and their tattered rags which served as clothes smelled like rotten eggs. Immediately the senior witches gathered, linking hands, and began to utter incantations in solemn, chanting voices. Elsewhere there was pandemonium. The younger witches panicked, fleeing into the woods around them where high-pitched screams were now chorusing. Some less startled witches had tried to conjure a paeinaer charm to shield them selves only to be struck down by the trolls’ fists. Something was blocking their magic.

The trolls battered their way through the masses of witches, trampling determinedly towards the circle of witches in the centre of the clearing. Their bestial roars echoed through the hearts of the terrified witches turning them cold. Suddenly a troll burst through the lines of witches and came to the circle of senior witches. They did not move, even look up at the terrifying figure looming above them. The troll raised his fist to strike the fatal blow to the alpha witch. Suddenly he was flung backward, high into the air and landed, impaled on a tree. Groups of trolls gathered now, fighting the invisible shield surrounding the witches. The witches only chanted louder - ignoring the trolls as they battled and then were hurled back into the woods. Suddenly one of the witches opened her eyes to see a warty, yellow fist come suddenly towards her. She let out a startled cry and broke the link with her coven sisters. The shield was broken and she was the first to fall. The alpha witch opened her enigmatic eyes and surveyed the battlefield around her as a large club came plummeting towards her. A brief spark flickered in her eyes as the large club came down on her dark form- and she smiled brazenly menancingly at her attacker.......


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Mon Oct 10, 2005 6:15 am
Sohini wrote a review...



It looks like a mixture of lord of the rings, potter and the rest of the kind. Anyway it’s nice and when’s the next chapter coming?? i like you ideas. is this a novel?an epic fantasy?? a trilogy perhaps???the writing style is really great and quite interesting. the first bit is a bit too vague though-maybe you’ll explain later. The battle seen was verry well written and nicely expressed. Consider publishing a book on this-it would be a quite a hit I think. I’m also writing a fantasy novel-though it’s quite different from yours.i won’t post it here though.care to read and comment on my story (“An Ultra Super Day”)? Waiting eagerly for the next chapter. Don’t keep us waiting too long or we’ll lose interest. Interested in WITCHES?? Read my poem-“Witch” in the dramatic poem section please (pretty please with extra sweet sugar on top)and comment on what you think of the idea!! Hope I’m not being too selfish! (Sorry for blabbering about my works-u see I’m desperate to get critiques.) keep writing and may your quill stay sharp!!!(I’m a FAN of potter, eragon - inheritance trilogy, lord of the rings- if you were wondering.)




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Sun Oct 09, 2005 8:16 pm
4evadreamin says...



I really like the new ending, much more dramatic. It's completely changed though, I'm guessing all isn't lost anymore. Does that not completely change the story? Oh well, it's you who knows where this is going not me, great job!




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Sun Oct 09, 2005 6:34 pm
Tríona says...



:shock: Ohh that does sound way better!




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Sat Oct 08, 2005 2:09 pm
4evadreamin says...



Maybe you could try this at the end.

The alpha witch opened her enigmatic eyes and surveyed the battlefield around her. Her last thought before the large club plummeting towards her made contact, was that all was lost...

I know it's not perfect, if you like it you could make some changes to make it your own. :D

Keep on writing.

Terri.




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Sat Oct 08, 2005 1:20 pm
Kaggsy says...



I really enjoyed this as well, and I want to see more. Th transition was great. A really nice piece so far.




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Sat Oct 08, 2005 12:49 pm
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Tríona says...



:D Thanks 4evadreaming! You're right about the scorcers killing bit :lol: It needs a bit of work. I'll go fix it. The end needs a bit of work as well but I'm unsure of how to sort it. Any more tips?




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Fri Oct 07, 2005 11:06 pm
4evadreamin wrote a review...



Hi, I really enjoyed this, it was brilliant, I liked how you changed from the ordinary scene to the fantasy one. It makes me wonder when and how the two are going to come together. I loved the acton in this, it was really well written there are only two things I'd suggest changing.

"Our nemesis’s, the dark sorcerers have attacked and killed some of our coven killing them without mercy.”

You use the word kill twice, maybe it would sound better if you said: "Our nemesis’s, the dark sorcerers have attacked and murdered some of our coven killing them without mercy.”

The other thing was the last line: “All is not lost!” she sighed. “All is not lost…”

She wouldn't be able to say anything in the time it takes to swing a club, and to say that she sighed makes her seem a bit too relaxed. Maybe you could have her thinking all is lost, or even better she could say it after she's been hit, just before she dies or becomes unconsious. Sorry, I'm not trying to rewrite your story or anything!

Anyways, this is a brilliant piece. Good job!





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