Published February 14, 2006
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The rhyming was really forced and it seriously detracted from the poem. I'm not saying you should avoid rhyming altogether, but if the rhyming is forced, you shouldn't use it.
Especially your first stanza.
In this poem, I do suggest ditching the rhyme.
But I did like your last stanza
Please keep writing... it will help as niteowl said
I don't exactly see what the tied chair has to do with the poem... At first, I thought it was talking about the cruelty of 'you', but then, it seems like it represents the narrator's own life and problems. The poem seems like the narrator is just talking about hating someone... but there's not really anything that ties it all together.
This honestly wasn't that great. Rhyming usually detracts from a poem, and using the same phrase over and over and over again is not fun for the reader. I didn't feel any emotion; you could have said "I went to the store" and left everything else in and the effect wouldn't be too much different.
If you like the idea and want to revise it, I would start by taking out all the phrases where you rhyme a word/phrase by repeating it. Then use more descriptive words so you don't have to repeat as much. Explain why you are tied up in a chair, why you are angry, fearful, ashamed for your captor, etc.
I'll give you a thumb for effort. Keep writing. It's the only way to get better. :thumb: