Published May 9, 2011
A bit of a dark piece, portrayal of war in the olden times. When it was still Red Coats versus Blue Coats.
Armada of the Damned
Drums slowly produce a beat
Bleeding grass beneath trampling feet
Hills of green now drown in red
Here come marching in, the dead
Proud they are to be colour coded
Blue sprayed red by guns unloaded
Painting with a silver brush
Shooting from a blunderbuss
They scream and plead to high command
For mercy, to please leave the land
But still the dead man marches on
Until fulfilled by fired gun
Years they pass and flowers bloom
From soldiers' decomposing flesh
Grass here grows with crimson tint
The roaring fires turn to ash
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You may want to then consider mentioning duty somehow in the poem since the meaning is kind of difficult to figure out. The grim brutality of war is well represented, so good job. In the case of the Armada, my argument still stands, but it is nice to know that Armada could fit a little better than I previously thought.
Fulfilled in this case basically means that their death is the fulfillment of their duty, it's to paint a grim picture of the harsh reality of these wars.
I agree on the Armada part, but it sounds so darned good, plus in some languages (Czech springs to mind) it actually means armed forces, so it's not all wrong.
Very good idea... A few problems came up, though. First, some of your word choices don't make a lot of sense. Mostly "fulfilled" in the fourth line of the third stanza. Second, "Armada" may be a bad choice in the title since armada is a naval term. Regiment, troop, division (alliteration), company, platoon, brigade, etc. would work better since it is more of a land army setting. Needs some work, but this could be awesome! Keep it up!