Sweet lullaby

by Trinity

Published April 22, 2005

it plays a sweet lullaby,
for all to hear,
it plays asweet lullaby,
as mommy says goodnight my dear,
it plays a sweet lullaby,
for those who cry,
it plays a sweet lullaby,
for those who die,
it plays a sweet lullaby 8)

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
Trinity
Comment
Trinity commented Comment · May 6, 2005

for niteowl "it" is a piano

Random avatar
Elizabeth
Review
Elizabeth wrote a review Review · Apr 24, 2005

Shame shame shame upon us all.
Yet tis true. You can always do:

it plays a sweet lullaby,
for all to hear,
as mommy says goodnight my dear,
for those who cry,
for those who die,
it plays a sweet lullaby

But that is just making it way more shorter so yeah, I don't know what to do there. You can extend it, maybe switch off the rhyme to something else.

Caligula's Launderette commented Comment · Apr 24, 2005

I have to say I like it. and niteowl it is poetry. the reason I am giving it 3 stars is that it leaves the reader wondering "what?" you might want to follow it up with an explanation like -- this is to .... or another piece about it.

CL

User avatar
niteowl
Review
niteowl wrote a review Review · Apr 23, 2005

First off, it's WAY TOO SHORT! I can't get into it, and it seems like you're just repeating the title over and over again. Which is parroting, not poetry. If you extend the ideas and take out all the title repetition, you would have a pretty good poem on my hands.

What exactly is "it"? Because I can't figure it out. Please clarify.



“Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents!”
— Little Women