Published April 22, 2005
it plays a sweet lullaby,
for all to hear,
it plays asweet lullaby,
as mommy says goodnight my dear,
it plays a sweet lullaby,
for those who cry,
it plays a sweet lullaby,
for those who die,
it plays a sweet lullaby ![]()
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Canary word: Present
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for niteowl "it" is a piano
Shame shame shame upon us all.
Yet tis true. You can always do:
it plays a sweet lullaby,
for all to hear,
as mommy says goodnight my dear,
for those who cry,
for those who die,
it plays a sweet lullaby
But that is just making it way more shorter so yeah, I don't know what to do there. You can extend it, maybe switch off the rhyme to something else.
I have to say I like it. and niteowl it is poetry. the reason I am giving it 3 stars is that it leaves the reader wondering "what?" you might want to follow it up with an explanation like -- this is to .... or another piece about it.
CL
First off, it's WAY TOO SHORT! I can't get into it, and it seems like you're just repeating the title over and over again. Which is parroting, not poetry. If you extend the ideas and take out all the title repetition, you would have a pretty good poem on my hands.
What exactly is "it"? Because I can't figure it out. Please clarify.