Published April 25, 2005
Up all night,
And working hard,
Repairs are underway,
I’m patching up a broken heart,
And trying to find a way,
This one’s been around awhile,
It needs some tender, loving, care,
It’s been broken more than once,
There are patches everywhere,
It takes a lot of practice,
When you don’t know where to start,
Putting patches over patches,
To mend a broken heart,
Once you get the hang of it,
It shouldn’t take so long,
You have to check it out,
To find out what went wrong
There the last patch is set in place,
But there is guarantee,
I only hope it last a while for this patched up heart belongs to me.
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Canary word: Present
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141,745 Literary Works • 675,666 Reviews
Not bad. I thought it rhymed well. It didn't sound like you chose words just because they rhymed, but rather because they were the best choice. I didn't think it was too childish. But what should you expect from a child? Overall, a good read, but it could do with a bit of revision, perhaps delving a little deeper into the feelings behind the poem.
The rhyming is ok if you want it to seem...not childish..but not very sophisticated. If you didn't have it rhyme it wouldn't seem that way. But I like the overall idea. Very nice.
Yep u should get rid of the rhyming.Right I am ur friend right.Get rid of the rhyming and u should be ok till Brad gets in this.
I liked this, but some of the rhyming (accidental or no) sounded childish and seemed to break up the meaning of this poem for me. Overall it was a decent piece, but get rid of the rhyming - example - "it needs some tender, loving, care.............there are patches everywhere."