Thanks again for the critiques!
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
It was good. Better than the first draft, at least. I like how you told about the past of both of them at first. Ghent was cool. Hm... Triangles. Anyway. I think you should describe Dugger because when I hear that name it makes me think of a fat person but...
There wasn't really much else I could find. Ghent talks way to much but thats cool... Yea, nothing else...
~Pol
Updated.
Lol, many thanks for the comments.
I think I'm going to change the ending because the way I did it there was very abrupt as you said. The problem was that I sort of got bored writing and wanted end the chapter quickly. So I copped-out with the whole losing consciousness thing.
I think what I'll do is expand on the dialogue and then having him arrive on the planet. No blackouts.
And Apathetics! I haven't looked at that one in a while. I have a small chunk written for the next section, but it may be a while before I get to it.
And thanks for reading!
That last part was pretty freakin sudden! But it was still pretty cool. I like Ghent, even though he is kindof a jerk. I was gonna say a different word but there are small children in the room. Anyway, I still love Dugger and still wanna know what happens with the button.
I think you need to shw more emotion in Dugger and tell just a bit more about his past, its really obvious what kinda person Ghent is but... Ok I thought APEs were cool and I wanna know more about the planet they're on. Ok thats just about it, stick with Apathetics too.
~Pol
Excellent dialog O.o Didn't feel clunky at all.
I like Ambrose a lot and I think you need to write another so that there isn't such a huge gap between this part and the other. The characters are imaginative though and their conversations are pointless and funny. A good combination =)