#8: WHAT EUGENE DID LAST
SUMMER
“Can
you promise you’ll hear me out?” Eugene asked. I continued to stare at him,
trying to make sense of his words, but utterly failing.
I
goggled at him a little longer, before saying, “Sure. I promise.”
“Okay.”
Eugene leant against the car, as though to brace himself. “I guess… well, back
in January, the school holidays, I met some people. Some of Freddie’s mates.”
“Who?”
“Doesn’t
matter. Not really. I’ve stopped talking to them, anyway. But you weren’t
always around, and Theo was off on holidays, so I hung around with them. It was
all pretty normal, at first, but then one evening, they showed up, talking
about having ‘plans’.” Eugene let out a bark of humourless laughter, and kicked
at the ground. He stared at his shoes, and sighed heavily.
“I’m
listening.” I’d meant to sound harsh, when I’d opened my mouth, but the words
came out softer than I’d intended. He was hurting, and as impatient as I was,
it was tough seeing him like this.
“They
were planning on spray-painting this wall. The one by the station,” Eugene
said, “I wasn’t keen on the idea, but the next thing I knew, there I was going
along with it. It’s not even like they had a good reason. They wanted to do it
because they could.”
I
knew the wall that Eugene was talking about. It was one of those places that
had always been a target for vandals – there were years worth of tags and
profanities sprayed across the bricks. None of it was remotely artistic, that
kind of stuff was reserved for the skate park and inner-city alleyways.
“It’s
such a stupid thing, spraying some paint at the wall. Nothing that dramatic
about it,” Eugene continued bitterly, “But it was this strange sort of rush,
because went against the rules. It sounds tacky when I put it like that. It’s
true though. Doing wrong was this thrilling thing, and so the next time they
suggested doing it, I didn’t argue.”
“Eugene,”
I said, “Why didn’t you tell me about this, if it’s been going on since
January?”
“I
dunno.” He sighed. “Because you wouldn’t get it, I suppose. You’d disapprove. I don’t think you see it,
the way people think of me. They think I’m useless, some kind of loser. And
doing this, it made it true.”
I
wanted to deny it, tell him that people didn’t think of him like that. I opened
my mouth, ready to protest, but Eugene
suddenly drew his gaze upwards to meet my eye.
“You
said you wouldn’t interrupt,” he said. “Liv.”
“I
know. Okay.”
He
nodded. “I kept going with them. Even when Theo got back, I’d make up some
excuse to be around them, instead of band practice. Freddie knew, because he
was there, sometimes. I got good at hiding it from you guys. But then… we got
caught. Or, I got caught, rather.”
“When?”
I asked.
“Couple
of weeks ago. Not all that long after school started back,” Eugene replied.
“The cops showed up, and I wasn’t quick enough, so I took the fall for it. The
owners of the building where it happened didn’t end up pressing charges, so I
got off with a warning. And then school found out.”
“And threatened to expel you,” I finished,
filling in the blanks.
“Yeah.”
“What
does this have to do with Pugnacious Dogma?” I asked.
“Getting
the letter from the school, it was like something switched in my mind,” Eugene
said, he’d adopted a detached tone, like he was talking about somebody else.
Even still, there was a glint to his eyes that betrayed a darker emotion. “I
didn’t want to be the pathetic guy, who didn’t have any prospects aside from
being alright on a guitar. I wanted people to look at me with…”
“Respect?”
“Something
like that.” He shrugged. “ I was so angry, when I saw the letter. My parents
were furious, but it didn’t seem like they were disappointed, more… resigned.
So I decided things would change. I’d actually try at school. Stop hanging
around with Freddie’s mates. And that I’d give up music.”
I
crossed my arms across my chest and blinked. “Why music?”
“Because
I didn’t want to keep letting it be the only thing that defined me. I just
couldn’t…”
“But
then why’d Freddie say he was leaving?”
“Because
I told him to.” Eugene’s voice had gone quiet. “I’m not proud of it, but I told
him that if he didn’t leave then I’d say he was there with me, that he was
doing graffiti too. He got caught for something like that before, so his
punishment’d be worse than mine.”
“Oh.”
I stepped back from Eugene, speechless.
“I
didn’t think he’d break up with Audrey, or that he’d leave with the gig so
close,” Eugene said, his voice quick and desperate. “Trust me, Liv. It was
supposed to be that he’d bring it up later, just with me and Theo.”
“Trust
you?” I choked out. “Eugene, you’ve lied to me for months. You’ve manipulated
my friends. You can’t expect that of me.”
“I
know, and if I could change any of that, I could.”
“But
you can’t,” I said, “And look what
trying to make it all go away has done.
What about Theo? He’s one of your best friends, but you’re more
concerned with people thinking you aren’t a loser than him?”
“Liv…”
Eugene looked startled at my raised voice. He fumbled for an excuse, his mouth
making shapes as he tried to say something.
“You
fucking coward,” I whispered. I took a breath, and stared at the fence beyond
Eugene’s head, as though the scratched paint might give me a clue about where
we’d go from here. I shook my head.
“I’m
sorry.” Eugene spoke through a sigh. Suddenly unable to stand the sight of him,
unable to stand his presence, I turned on my heel, heading for the doors.
I
quickened my pace as I felt a pain in the back of my throat – the threat of a
sob. I couldn’t cry in front of him.
And I had nothing more to say to him.
Eugene
had been my best friend since we were four years old. Now, it felt like I
didn’t know him at all.
***
I absolutely love Liv. Did I ever tell you that? I think she's an awesome character. And this whole band scene is pretty cool. They just run around going to gigs and playing music. That's the life! :3
(I'm sad to see it end...)
Points: 32055
Reviews: 1162
Donate