Published June 25, 2011
Jade-green algae sits atop sharp boulders protruding from the agitated ocean.
The stones act like a basin, salt water churning with an unmistakable melody,
Its rhythm saved only for those who wait and listen.
One who pays close attention hears the ebony shelves of rock,
stopping wave after wave as it hits a cornerstone of the earth.
Hear it pound like a beating heart, like the somber bassist of mother nature,
As wind whistles the harmony,
Blowing foam produced from the briny deep.
Masking the face of the sun, setting the mournful mood,
The scent of damp trepidation in the air.
Clouds seethe above as they begin to sing the lyrics of the storm heading for shore.
Brooding and depressive mist hovers above
Its atmosphere much like the water below.
The gulls and other ocean wanderers hasten to their hollows.
Angrier and angrier the sea is becoming,
Calming blue morphs into an ugly ashen green.
Distressed ocean,
Nervous shore,
We stand above listening to the song of the seven seas
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139,058 Literary Works • 672,403 Reviews
Beautiful, well done! You left me with a beautiful image of what the ocean is to you, and I actually can't wait to go back to a beach (i live in the desert atm)!
I don't have much to say about the grammar, since I'm not a native english speaker, but it sounded perfect to me! =)
Love, Natalie
First off, excellent use of imagery. You were so descriptive, with your colours and sounds. You set the scene well.
Second, nice job on your punctuation, grammar, and spelling.
A few things, though. There wasn't any rhyming; at least, no obvious rhymes. I also noticed that you entered this in a contest. This poem was suppose to describe a magnificant sight to a person who has been blind their entire life. I didn't see anything like that. Please note that this person has been blind their entire life. They know the sound of waves and the feel of grass, but not the colours. Yoy have to describe the colours. Their eyes see a blank canvas, and your words paint the picture. Now, a black-and-white picture is boring. You must show them what you see, if thay makes any sense.
All in all, nice job. If you need more help on what I said, watch Ghost; a movie with Cher. That should help. Good luck on the contest.
-Ariel.
This piece of work can be described with one word beautiful.
Whoa, I love this!!! It's beautifully done, and I love the wording and imagery. GREAT job! It really drew me in, and I think it flowed well throughout. I just really, really love how you used music in comparison with the sea...awesome idea. I couldn't find any grammatical errors, or awkward areas, so I don't have much to say other then fantastic piece!