Lovely. Great work. 👍🏻
If I were to love,
Would my love choose to stay?
If I were to find my life in your eyes,
Would I look away?
If I were to be like a feather,
And never learn to truly settle,
Would still see my life as a treasure,
Instead of fool's gold.
My heart may never pitter-patter,
And cheeks never turn red.
But, the butterflies may find their rest,
Perched on my stomach.
You may never be my hearts desire,
Your love remaining unrequited.
But to feign passion,
As I am too damp for a spark.
Would leave us without a match
If I were to never love,
Would my life have lost its abundance?
If I were to never lose myself in another,
Would my life be defined as a blemish?
But to claim my heart is tied to another’s,
Like Mr. Rochester under a tree,
would be folly.
As I am not Jane nor will I ever be
Beautiful poem. So complicated and yet, so well-structured. I really enjoyed reading it. At first I thought it was just another love poem, and in a way it is, but this one is so unique. It raises great questions and I believe, actually views love as a treasure not to be thrown away just because everyone else believes your life will hold no value otherwise. Deep, wonderful, and beautiful!!! I hope to read more of your work in the future! Keep writing!
-Shieldmaiden
"If I were to love,
Would my love choose to stay?"
I like these 2 lines. I like the way you managed to add emotion and reality into it straight away.
"If I were to find my life in your eyes,
Would I look away?"
This is genuinely my favorite part of this poem because it shows that you can be scared of seeing yourself in somebody else; its very realistic.
"If I were to be like a feather,
And never learn to truly settle,
Would you still see my life as treasure,
Instead of fools gold?"
Okay so this part I like but I also think that if you start a poem with rhyme, it has to continue with rhyme, Maybe you could find a word that rhymes with settle or gold. Just a thought.
Hello. I am here to review and I hope to be helpful.
First of all, I really feel like this could be turned into a great song if you added more.
Ok now onto my review. Your structure is good. I feel like a few parts are loose but other then that I really enjoy it.I don't have much to criticize or add as much help but I will say you do have something really good here.
I hope you have a good day or night and keep up your work
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