Published June 16, 2011
I look up, all I see is darkness
my limbs feel cold, numb, and lifeless.
My heart thuds with a sickening slowness.
Dread circles my stomach like vultures zoning in for the kill.
I am lying in a heap of human filth.
This battle, this never-ending fight to survive;
I resist no more.
Maybe I was never meant to win.
I never thought I would throw in the towel, but my mind screams for the end.
With one last raspy breath, I close defeated eyes and forget my fatigued reasons.
Why do we chronically go forward?
When all I have ever faced is calculated contempt.
Spirit broken, I lose a struggle I wish I had never let begin.
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140,172 Literary Works • 673,034 Reviews
Hey, this was cool! I don't entirely understand it, but if it were in context/part of a larger work, I'd love it. The piece almost seems dystopian to me. I like that genre, and I never see poems related to it, so this was a refreshing change from full-length novels. The descriptions were so horribly dark, but didn't feel overwhelming at all for some reason.
Keep writing, please!
Your poetry was vary descriptive which I personally liked.It had a nice flow and was beautifully written.You did wonderful and I look forward to more of your work in the future.Oh,and well done!;)
"Why do we chronically go forward; when all we face is contempt."
That line needs a question mark. Biggest error I could find. Which is good.
The poem itself is pretty good too. I liked that it went back and forth between physical and psychological descriptions. The end is could be a little more ambiguous and integrated with the rest of the poem, but that's just a personal comment on style.
My favorite line was actually: "Maybe I was never meant to win."
I don' know if I truly understand the poem/title relationship here. With the title 'Fighting With Tenacity' I expected there to be fighting... with tenacity. But the only thing this poem is about is losing/giving up a fight.
Maybe you want to tweak the title a bit.
Your first stanza, I'm not too wild about it. It feels a bit like a list and it doesn't particularly have any feeling to it.
The second stanza was pretty good, I like your imagery, however it is a bit short.
The line "I never thought I would throw in the towel," is pretty cliched and definitely doesn't employ the sort of feeling you're working towards here.
And finally, I was a little confused with this line here, "Why do we chronically go forward; when all we face is contempt."
Just the use of "chronically go forward" is a little awkward. I'd advise reworking.
I do think this poem has some potential, it had some good moments and powerful suhject matter. However I feel that you could afford some better word choices just to bring it up a notch or two and help it flow better.
Definitely a good attempt. Keep writing.
Howdy there!
Wow! Technically, this one of the best poems I have seen on this website for many reasons.
Firstly, I loved the layout, it helped your poem flow easily and as a reader it made it so much more easier to read rather than leaving it all bunched up.
In addition to this your grammar was from what I could see near enough perfect so clearly you have proof read this many times over, which is always a good thing.
Penultimately , you have an extremely large vocabulary range which you didn't hold back on in this poem which is really good to see, and the choice of words was just perfect!
Lastly, the linguistic devices used were clever such as the metaphors, comparisons, imagery and the alliteration.
Well done!