Prologue
"Conner! Conner! Wake up or your going to be late for the launch ceremony!"
My little sister yelled, hitting my face with a pillow.
I looked at my clock which said 8:30. I had 30 minutes to get to the lab base or I would miss the launch, and not to mention Kate would kill me if I missed the ceremony.
"The ceremony starts in.... 10 minutes!? Crap! Kate's going to kill me!"
I quickly threw on my clothes I had set out the night before just in case something like this happened. I grabbed my toothbrush and starting brushing my teeth as I was walking down the stairs, and I totally ignored the amazing aroma of my little sisters pancakes and eggs.
"Here, I packed this for you in a Togo box from that restaurant a few days ago that I took. You can eat it whenever you get the chance. See you in 8 months!" Carley kissed me on my cheek and gave me a big hug.
"Bye Carley, don't let mom overdose on her medicine again while I'm gone, and tell dad I said bye. Oh and remember to use your gift I bought you so we can video chat once I'm up in space!"
With that note I ran out the door and sprinted to my camaro, which I only like to use when I'm in a rush. I cranked it up and peeled out of the driveway. I saw cop lights slow down next to me and I rolled down my window to see Mr. Grimes. Our small towns sheriff.
"You're going to be late son! I'll give you an escort! Lets go!"
"Thanks Grimes!" I peeled out after him as we both stepped on the gas. As soon as we hit a high, yet steady speed I set the car on cruise control.
Chapter 1 - Space
"Okay class, today we're going to look into space. Speaking of space, Mr. Lawson, if you would please stop staring off into it, that would be great."
I snapped my head up quickly. Everyone in class began laughing.
"Sorry Mr. Borden. Won't happen again." I replied rubbing my eyes.
Mr. Borden nodded and continued writing out facts and theories of space. My eyes read the board but my mind was some place different. I tried to focus on the notes but my thoughts flowed into images and the images filled the classroom, replacing all of the class with what I wanted to see. Stars and planets lined the walls and suddenly I was looking out into space from a space ship. I could see earth to the right of me. The big blue and green ball glimmered from the reflection of the son, and the moons glow next to it was dull and distorted from all of its massive craters created by wondering space rocks colliding with its surface. The moon became eclipsed by a glowing figure who passed in front of it. It was the one and only Rose Simon. Her beautiful blonde hair sparkled as the moons glow shined dully behind her. Her rosy red cheeks and beautiful green eyes stood out from all of the mixture of colors. This, was the reason Rose was my crush and has been since the 8th grade to now, 12th grade. I was 18 and in love with some girl I had no chance with, but I enjoyed the little fantasy I was having.
"Conner. Conner!" Rose spoke out to me. I moved to her and reached out for her hand. Suddenly everything began to fade and collapse. I could here rose calling out as she disintegrated into dust.
"Conner!" I felt my hand slip from underneath my chin and my head slammed against the desk.
"Ow. Jeez." I looked up to see Kate standing there shaking me.
"Thanks for the headache Kate." I sighed rubbing my forehead.
"Well, you wouldn't snap out of it! Class is over! Anyway, Mr. Borden wants to see you for something, he said to meet him in the teachers lounge."
The tone in her voice was higher pitched then usual and had a hint of excitement that she was clearly trying to hide. I just nodded and began rubbing my eyes as she left the classroom in a half skip half jog. I stood up stretching, getting that feeling where your muscles give out then catch back before you fall. I trudged out of the classroom having a good idea of what this was about.
(More From Chapter 1 Soon!)
Mr. Locke already touched on many things that needed to be said but I'll throw in my two cents, too. I very much agree with Mr. Locke in that there needs to be a clear purpose displayed in the prologue. If a prologue does not catch an audience, the rest of the book automatically fades into mediocrity. You need to give the audience a reason to turn the page. As of now, all we know is that the protagonist is an astronaut, he has a little sister, a father, and a mother prone to overdosing on some type of prescription drug. Tell us more about him. I should feel connected to either him or his situation.
Chapter one faces many of the same issues as the prologue. The description, while there, is not as helpful as it should be. We know more about the new protagonist's daydream than we do about him or his world. Try and focus on solid character development and slow things down.
Good luck in your writing endeavors,
RC
Mr. Locke already touched on many things that needed to be said but I'll throw in my two cents, too. I very much agree with Mr. Locke in that there needs to be a clear purpose displayed in the prologue. If a prologue does not catch an audience, the rest of the book automatically fades into mediocrity. You need to give the audience a reason to turn the page. As of now, all we know is that the protagonist is an astronaut, he has a little sister, a father, and a mother prone to overdosing on some type of prescription drug. Tell us more about him. I should feel connected to either him or his situation.
Chapter one faces many of the same issues as the prologue. The description, while there, is not as helpful as it should be. We know more about the new protagonist's daydream than we do about him or his world. Try and focus on solid character development and slow things down.
Good luck in your writing endeavors,
RC
You need to check out that first sequence of events in your story. It was really hectic and a lot happened. It needed to be much slower.
"I had 30 minutes to get to the lab base or I would miss the launch, and not to mention Kate would kill me if I missed the ceremony.
"The ceremony starts in.... 10 minutes!? Crap! Kate's going to kill me!""
You don't need to have him say things to himself and then say them out loud. That was a very awkward writing choice and I would recommend having him say it to himself and not out loud. People don't really say things like that out loud.
"Conner! Conner! Wake up or your going to be late for the launch ceremony!"
That needs to be "you're going" instead of "your going". Just a little grammatical error.
You need to go back over your dialogue because it sounds really artificial. Try and say all of your dialogue out loud so that you can see if people would actually talk that way.
Overall, I recommend that you make your prologue much longer, you spice up your word choice and your descriptive voice, and you work on your dialogue. I also wasn't very sure what the plot was, so you need to make your writings intention clearer. You have a great story in the works, so work hard. Happy Writing!