z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Muster Heroes – QuickSave 2

by TinkerTwaggy


Departure! All aboard the Noah's Saloon!

The Humanoids. Only playable race of Muster Heroes, they can take various shapes and sizes in the form of Classes and Styles. Any Class is compatible for any Style, and vice versa, which allows players to create any kind of combination they want between these groups. It also creates a large amount of skills and abilities to learn, so in the end, every character will be unique. Diversity is the key!”

Lionel Raikanj, President of Third Eye Industries.

CODENAME: Fulguro

PASSWORD: ThunSamMk2

ACCESS: Granted!

Loading Personal Room...

Loading Complete! Welcome back to Garden ThunderCloud!

Fulguro opened his virtual eyes and looked all around him. He was standing on a gigantic black cloud filled with various flowers and large trees. Electric discharges passed through the trunks from time to time, giving the impression that constant flickering lights were placed here and there in the area. Fulguro jumped in place several times and found himself bouncing on the cloud, satisfied - it felt like he was on a giant trampoline. He moved his hand in front of his face and the Main Menu appeared. He navigated into it for a few minutes, admiring the upgraded graphics of the game, before finally deciding to check his own character's status.

Character Status.

Heroic Avatar: Fulguro.

Class: Mage

Race Style: Cyborg.

Fulguro shook his head, smiling to himself. They were trying way too hard to be original. The word "Race" would probably be wiped out in the following minutes, so it was best to ignore it.

Equipment:

-Head: Pulsor Helmet (Elemental Spells Bonus)

-Body: Pulsor Armor Set (Impulse Alloy, High Bonus for Electric Element),

-Hands: Volt Gloves (Electric element bonus)

-Feet: Silent Steppers (High movement bonus)

Health Points: 200/200 HPs

Skill Points: 540/540 SPs

Skills:

-Pulse Rush: the user unleashes a powerful electric tackle. Cost: 15 SPs, Cooldown: 10 seconds;

-Phantom Thunder: The user turns into a fast electric entitiy that covers short distances and phases through opponents, damaging them in the process. Cost: 5 SPs, Cooldown: 3 secs;

-Electro-Charge: A power-up move that boosts the user's electric powers. Cost: 10 SPs, Cooldown:  5 secs;

-Thunder Shaper: a useful ability that allow the user to project his electricity in the form he or she desires. Cost: 20 SPs, Cooldown: 10 secs;

Achievements: Tutorial Complete; Selected Solo Quest “Cybernetic Factory” series Complete; Obtained Title(s): Cyber Mage.

Fulguro nodded, satisfied. His data had indeed be saved. The teenager then gazed at his character model to make sure everything was in its proper place: he was wearing a deep blue armor with light blue stripes going from the shoulders to the end of the legs. Following the color pattern, a dark blue helmet with a glass visor was placed on his head, while his feet were protected by black sports shoes with blue stripes on the sides. Additionally, the boy's hands were protected by the Volt Gloves, only white ornament Fulguro had in his attire. The gloves were decorated with their signature blue spheres, which were in fact Skill Points enhancers.

“Yup,” Fulguro said to himself. “Looks like everything's there. I'm ready.”

He selected “Go Online” in the menu and chose the Local Server, which was the Cyberbase. After being thrown in a short loading screen, the teenager suddenly found himself standing on some sort of medieval cruise ship. Several players were being teleported here as he looked around. Other ships similar to the one he was on could be seen in the distance, all of them separated by the wide ocean below. Fulguro closed his eyes and sniffed. Even the scent of the sea had been reproduced, or at least he could feel something similar to that scent near his nose. It was really realistic.

“Wow, that's some pretty amazing armor you got there!”

Fulguro opened his eyes. A kid had appeared in front of him, wearing a blue armor with a flashy yellow cross on the central chest plate. His large, round helmet bore the same features, and he was proudly holding a giant rock hammer on his shoulder. It had a flat head and a pointy one, similar to some kind of pickaxe. “I bet you got that one at one of the futuristic quests that was offered! Looks pretty well customized, too!”

“...Mettrick?”

“The one and only! And you're Fulguro, right?”

“Yeah. Thanks for the compliment, I got my equipment at the Cybernetic Factory. And I guess you did the Construction Guts quest? I'm pretty sure it's the only set of solo mission that gives you these skins. And I'm surprised you decided to stay this close to your real life clothing.”

The boy shrugged. “I just love stuff related to buildings. Construction, architecture, and all that.”

He moved his hand to check Fulguro's character status and frowned. “You… wait a sec, you're a Mage Class and Cyborg Style? Wow, that's... pretty original. I wonder how you'll manage that build.”

“You can go ahead and say it's bad, I've been told already. Never as strong as a pure Elementalist, never as powerful as a pure Cyborg, and not the most interesting build around, yadda yadda. Don't worry, I've got a plan. I prefer using stuff I like more than stuff that's said to be good anyway. I'll try to be as efficient as I can be with this build. And you are… oh wow, a Warrior Class and Myrmidon Style? Now that's definitely original! So what, you're gonna train your automatons to fight with tiny swords and spears?”

Mettrick flashed his cute and creepy grin. “Oh, you'll see. I've got a plan, too. I'm just waiting for a random guy to try and mess with me. It's gonna be fun...”

“...You're one scary kid.”

“Yes, I've been told already.”

“Did you just –”

A foghorn sound played on the ship, resonating along with similar sounds coming from the other ships on the ocean. Green streams of light appeared on all of them, announcing the arrival of the Mentors. Ferrust descended from the skies and landed on the ship in which Fulguro and Mettrick had interrupted their conversation. The Mentor was wearing what looked like a winged-metallic armor, his right arm being equipped with a metallic fist, and his left hand holding a short sword.

“Hi there, fellas!” were his first words. He put away his sword and cracked his oversized knuckle, much less nervous than before. “We're finally getting to the fun part of the job! Well, definitely the best part of mine anyway, I mean who wouldn't want to play a video game with people and get paid for doin' that?”

Ferrust giggled, and several players giggled along with him. He was really good at setting a friendly atmosphere around him. “But unfortunately,” he continued, "this isn't about me, or at least not yet. This is about the people that will have the honor to be in my class, and those who'll be send elsewhere. You've all been selected to participate anyway, so don't you worry: you'll all have a Mentor to follow by the end of this. And I'm also here to explain what “this” is. Just like last time, I'll try to be brief.”

He placed himself at the center of the ship. Everyone followed him, eager to listen to what he had to say. “So! Welcome to The Noah's Saloon. Yes, that's the name of the ship – I didn't choose it. At the end of my explanation, a new zone will appear right behind me, and once all of you guys and gals enter, you'll have to fight in a chaotic brawl. Your SP Gauges will be disabled, which means that you'll be able to use your Skills whenever you want. The point is for everyone but ten of you to be forcefully expelled from the zone by other players.”

“Does that mean that only ten people will join your class?” someone inquired.

“Yes, indeed!” Ferrust confirmed. “Only ten players will be guided by me, and the others will find other Mentors and classes to join. Some classes will have more than ten players in it, but let's just say that it's less convinient.”

“And where are we going exactly?” Fulguro asked.

“Ah! I'm afraid that information will only be revealed once the competitive test is over. Which is exactly why...” The man snapped his fingers. Behind him, at the very edge of the ship, a squared construction appeared, with wooden, Wild West-style doors as the only entrance. Perfectly polished glass was covering the various windows of the construction. “...You're going to do it right now! Good luck, everyone! I'll be waiting outside. And if someone falls overboard, I can catch'em!”

With a last smile, the Mentor stepped aside. The players swarmed into the construction and found themselves on a wide saloon-like room, following the whole Wild West theme.

“Wha? One hundred customers this time?” a disembodied voice said. “Well then, I'm warnin' ya: Last brawl, and then, we're closin'! Let the Saloon Brawl begin, kids! Yaaaaaahahahahahahaha!”

For a few seconds, the one hundred participants were confused, but after a “LET'S GET THIS STARTED!” shout followed by several battle cries, the players began to move around the wide field, focused, thrilled, and eager to eject their enemies out of their sights. Fulguro gazed at Mettrick. “Allies? Or should we fight?”

“Nah, not yet. We're making a truce if some people decide to group up, and we fight if we randomly run into each other later on. Let's just hope we'll both be part of the ten survivors. See ya!”

And with that, the boy ran towards a group of players, pulled out his weapon and performed a surprise attack on one of them.

“Well then,” Fulguro said to himself as electricity began circling around his body. “Let's get going.”

Electro-Charge! Execute!

A sudden burst of pulsing energy empowered the teenager's body. He gazed around him and witnessed two martial artists locked in what seemed to be a difficult combat.

Pulse Rush! Execute!

Following the order that was given by his mind, Fulguro's body summoned even more electricity and he turned into a giant sphere of thunder. He hurled himself towards the two players and hit them: They were both hardly sent towards one of the walls of the saloon, which was covered with windows.

“Wow, this Saloon's windows are just asking to get destroyed,” Fulguro couldn't help but notice, grinning.

“Foul player!” one of them said, rising up. “How dare you sneak upon us from behind? You shall pay for your insolence!”

Fulguro rolled his eyes.

Thunder Shaper! Execute! Fist Shape!

The electricity gathered around Fulguro's fist as he released it, aiming at his enemies. They went through the window, and it shattered in the process. “Stupid role players...” Some people were just way too much into it. But then again, virtual reality promoted the illusion of being someone else, so maybe it wasn't so weird after all.

Electro-Charge! Execute!

Banishing his unnecessary thoughts from his mind, Fulguro focused on the task at hand once again. Several other windows had already been broken, but more than half of the players were still battling in the room.

It was time to clean up the place.

******

The furious battle raged on. By magic, physical prowess, area traps or witty attacks, players of all shapes and sizes were ejected out of the Saloon, while others attempted to rest and assess the various situations around the place.

Pulse Rush! Execute!

The Guardian Style player Fulguro was fighting against was pushed away, before a ball of flame from another player caught him. The poor warrior was forcefully pushed out of the Saloon as Fulguro looked on his side and noticed the Mage Class player that had thrown the fireball: he was already casting another spell.

“Oh no you don't!”

Phantom Thunder! Execute!

Fulguro disappeared in a swift movement. The enemy mage found himself unable to move, as the forward dash had hit him directly, paralyzing him in place. Fulguro reappeared behind his enemy, fist crackling with sparks.

Thunder Shaper! Execute! Fist Shape!

Going for a simple yet effective strike, Fulguro turned around and struck the Mage's back, sending him flying through a window. One more enemy down.

Electro-Charge! Execute!

While he once again boosted his elemental power, Fulguro decided to assess the situation. He discreetly fell back against a wall and looked around.

“C'mon, three versus one? That's not fun, guys!”

Fulguro looked on his right, just in time to witness Mettrick dispose of one player with a mighty swing of his weapon. He switched to the pick head of the hammer and put himself in battle stance. “Ah, two versus one! See, now it's fairer for you guys. Go, Helmetons!” The boy took five little helmets that rested on a belt around his waist and threw them at his enemies. “Formation: Assault!”

The helmets turned red, and tiny feet appeared beneath them. Short pickaxes appeared on the side of their helmets, and they suddenly sprung forward, harassing the enemy players with continuous and rapid attacks. One of the players dodged an assault and pulled out a crossbow while reciting a spell. Flashing his signature grin, Mettrick used his free hand to pull out a shield from behind his back, and a force field appeared around him, deflecting an ice spear. Mettrick's smile grew larger. "And now, you're going to die." 

With the help of a Helmeton, Mettrick managed to strike the enemy several times before switching to his hammerhead once more and, one mighty swing later, the enemy found himself flying through a broken window.

Yup. Fulguro thought. He's winning this one alright. Fulguro noticed several players around him. They also seemed to rest and wonder who to attack next like he was. From what he could see, they were about thirty of them left, and more than half of the remaining players were actively fighting.

“TAKE THIS! Even spawns of Hell can't handle it: Triple Head Lance!

Fulguro looked to his left: a very loud player unleashed a powerful forward thrust with a trident, sending two enemies at the same time flying through a window of the Saloon. The player didn't seem worried at all about the big strand of dark blond hair covering half of his left eye. “Muhahahahahahaha! Alright, who's next?!”

Aside from the massive three-headed spear the player was holding, he bore a heavy obsidian chest plate, which was decorated with an emblem. It was a red-striped black cross with arrow-shaped corners, and a blood red sphere stuck in the middle. He was also wearing what looked like a medieval short dress – was this player a girl…? – behind which calmly floated a cape, red on the inside, black on the outside. His feet were covered by a pair of black boots. He looked around and noticed Fulguro and the other resting players. “...Seriously? Well, looks like some people need a serious workout. I'll take you all on, small fry!”

“Excuse me? Small fry?”

The player next to Fulguro rose up: he was wearing a dark red cloak and a white mask with three large cavities, two of them shaped like big, expressionless eyes, and another one shaped like an opened, black mouth. “Just because you're not smart enough to actually stop for a second and think about your next action doesn't mean players who do so are weak. Stop acting like an almighty warrior, 'cause you're not.”

Well said Fulguro thought, smiling.

Warrioress, please,” the other one said, his red eyes pulsing with excitement.

“No possible way to guess you're actually a girl, considering how unfeminine you are.”

“Be a little more observant then, Mr. Creepy Mask! Now, if you really are not a small fry, please come here and prove it. I'm dying to send people out of this place!”

“Mind if I tag along?” Fulguro interrupted, rising up as well. “I don't like being called a small fry, either. And I did send quite a few people on the other side, so, one more won't hurt.”

“Oh, by all means.” the other one replied, his voice almost smiling at him. “Name's Yatsu, by the way.”

“Fulguro.”

“D'aaaaaaw, look at that bromance!” the teenage tomboy with the trident exclaimed. “Hey, teaming up is TOTALLY a small fry thing, y'know! It's also pretty cliché!”

The newly formed duo shared a look, incredulous. Her voice and manners were truly those of a boy. “You're not wrong,” Yatsu admitted. “But it's also a thing that people do when they meet an annoying chatter-box.”

“It's Kamikaz for you! Now cut the small talk, small fry: let's battle!”

“Wow, wow, wow! People fightin'?! Wait, wait, I'm coming, I'm coming, Just lemme finish…!”

All three players heard a loud animal roar and looked around. On their far left, a warrior with spiky red hair wearing a deep black martial Gi finished off five opponents by himself. He hastily dragged them across the ground and flung them through a shattered window before running towards Fulguro, Yatsu, and Kamikaz. He stopped his mad rush by sliding right next to the girl, who looked at him with big eyes. “...How did you slide with your sandals?” was the only sensible thing she could say.

“'Sup, people!" the other one said joyfully. "Name's Diabolsaur. You guys are makin' team battles? Neat! Ok, ok, let' fight them off, then I'm fighting you, with the trident, then I'm fighting more people! C'mon let's do this!”

Fulguro and Yatsu could only stare, appalled. “So…” Yatsu concluded. “Two versus two then?”

Kamikaz slowly nodded, retrieving her sadistic grin. “Y'know what? Why the heck not! Thanks for comin', random guy! C'mon, let's waste these morons!”

“Right on!”

The strange pair ran towards Fulguro and Yatsu, who remembered to put themselves in battle stance. Yatsu pulled out a book while Fulguro marched towards his opponents with confidence. Luckily, his Electro-Charge was still active.

Thunder Shaper! Execute! Wave shape!

Fulguro put both of his arms and let a wave of Kamikaz swiftly jumped high above it, and Diabolsaur stopped to strike a battle pose. “HA!”

A burst of energy surrounded his body, which countered the electric wave.

“TAKE THIS!” Kamikaz shouted quickly, “Even spawns of Hell can't handle it: Triple Head Lance!”

Aiming for Fulguro, she hurled her trident at amazing speed.

Phantom Thunder! Execute!

The teenage boy vanished at once and struck Diabolsaur with a fast electric attack. Kamikaz landed on the ground and ran towards her spear. She only had the time to take it off the ground before being blasted away by a cannonball. She flew past Fulguro and Diabolsaur. The two boys looked behind, only to see a cannon placed next to Yatsu, who now bore a pirate hat, an eye patch and a hook for a hand. “Masquerade. I really love this spell,” was the only explanation he gave before reverting back to normal. “I sent her right in another brawl, so she shouldn't come back before a while. Fulguro? Destroy that guy. I'll back you up.”

“Hey, not cool!” Diabolsaur exclaimed. I wanted a 2 versus 2!”

Pulse Rush! Execute!

Turning into a ball of electricity, Fulguro swiftly moved towards the martial artist, who once again struck a battle pose. He then motioned as if he was about to punch something, but instead, his Gi began contorting itself, and a huge dinosaur head covered in a slimy black liquid clashed with Fulguro's attack, roaring furiously. The latter reverted back to normal and fell back, damaged. “Wait, was that a freakin' triceratops head?” he inquired, shocked. “What the heck?”

Yatsu stepped forward, his magic book shinning unnaturally. “Just checked his status. As crazy as this seems, this guy's not a classic Warrior Class Martial Artist Style. He's a Warrior Class, Parasite Style. And his Gi is both his organic armor and his organic weapon.”

“Yup!” Diabolsaur confirmed. “And that one's so huge I can't wear anything else but my Saurian Gi.”

“Which means,” Yatsu continued, once again smiling with his voice, “that your defense is extremely low. Interesting.”

“Yeah, but it also means that I can do pretty amazing stuff. Like so!”

The teenager's Gi once again began contorting itself, as if it had a will of its own. Diabolsaur moved his arms forward, and an oil-like liquid was launched towards the duo.

Phantom Thunder! Execute!

Fulguro dashed on the side, while golden boots suddenly appeared on Yatsu's feet, and he jumped high above the ground. The area on which they were standing on previously was invaded by the liquid, which covered the area and shaped itself like a distorted sphere. Several giant heads, claws, jaws and tails of various dinosaurs began moving around the affected area.

So that's what he used to defeat five players by himself.” Fulguro thought. Had Yatsu or himself been trapped in it, they would've suffered massive damage.

“I knew you'd do that!” Diabolsaur screamed.

A burst of energy once again surrounded his body and he hit Fulguro with a powerful punch, tossing him aside. The latter rose up, his Cyborg Style body allowing him to avoid too much damage. But other players appeared near him, and he had no choice but to fight back if he wanted to stay in the Saloon.

“Move.”

Barely able to register the female voice, Fulguro used another Phantom Thunder to pass through an enemy. A few seconds later, he heard several screams and the distinct sound of at least three players passing through one of the Saloon's window. Fulguro looked behind him and froze. A female player was avoiding the huge sword of an enemy, calmly moving around as he tried to lay a finger on her. She was wearing a helmet with pointy ear-like features, giving the impression that she was some kind of fox. Her entire attire was yellow and white, with a simple leather armor and leather boots, granting her the agility she needed to fight with the only weapon she seemed to carry: a rapier.

“This guy's mine.” she said, dancing away as the other player swung his sword. He was fully equipped with a massive armor, a large shield and a powerful sword – probably a Guardian – but none of his hits could hit the twirling fox. His sword began to shine, and he pointed it at his opponent. Several fast rays of light move towards her, but she hopped away like a ballerina. “I said I wanted a duel.” she said coolly, perfectly at ease on the tip of her toes. “Not a training session against a stupid bot.”

“Stop moving around!!”

The fox's ballet continued as she approached her foe, her right foot barely touching the ground as the left one followed. Her pirouettes allowed her to avoid every single of the beam sword's attacks as she dragged her opponent near a shattered window. She dodged another fearsome swing of her enemy's sword and swiftly punished it with a thrust of her own, leaping towards him from the tip of her toes. Not even looking at the window through which she had sent the player, she turned to Fulguro, impassive. “Are you next?”

“...I...”

“Nope, this guy's MINE!”

Fulguro looked to his right: Kamikaz was rushing in his direction, a sadistic grin drawn on her lips. She easily dodged the various electric spheres Fulguro threw at her and put a hand on his chest. “Begone, heretic!”

A fiery explosion caught Fulguro, and he fell on the ground a few meters away.

“TAKE THIS!” Kamikaz immediately shouted. “Even spawns of Hell can't handle it: Triple Head Spear!”

Oh, snap. Fulguro only had the time to raise his hand in an attempt to form a shield with his powers. He knew he was too late.

“Formation: Defender!”

Six tiny silver helmets appeared in front of Fulguro. They shone vibrantly, and a large force field protected him, just in time to deflect the huge spear that almost hit him.

“Oh wow! Did I just save your life?”

Fulguro rose up, only to witness Mettrick nonchalantly walking towards him, Hammer on his shoulder and his signature grin stuck on the face. “No, 'cause um… You'll have to pay me in GummyGators. If you want to make sure I forget about this incident, that is...”

“Thanks. And you're despicable.”

“I've been told.”

“Wait a sec.” Kamikaz exclaimed, picking up her spear. “I know that voice!” She approached the duo, seemingly shocked. Her gaze was entirely focused on Mettrick. “...Lil' Met?" she whispered, incredulous. "Lil' Met, is that you…?”

Mettrick's eyes widened and his face became bright red. “Oh no...”

Kamikaz unleashed a loud laughter while Mettrick tried to fall back. She forcefully grabbed the kid and pulled him into a powerful bear hug. Fulguro watched the scene, confused. “Mettrick? You know this girl?” he inquired. Mettrick nodded, unable to look anywhere else but his feet. His confidence had completely vanished. “...That's Kaz. She bullied and humiliated me last year. All year long, every week, whenever she could.”

“Oh gosh, Lil' Met!” Kamikaz kept screaming, happy as could be. “Lil' Met is back! I can't believe it!”

“Let me go! I'm not your toy!”

“Hey.”

Kamikaz turned back, still smiling, not at all concerned by the rapier pointed at her side.

“You just attacked my next prey.”

Kamikaz freed one of her arms to point her trident at the stoic player staring at her. “Ah, so am I next on the menu? 'Cause I'm totally up for it, yellow fox lady!”

As Kamikaz put herself in battle stance – Mettrick had finally broken free from the girl's deadly hug – a foghorn sound was heard all around the Saloon.

“We're closin'!” the same disembodied voice from last time suddenly shouted. “Ten of ya are still here, eh? That must've been quite the battle for ya folks, am I right?! Now clean yourself up and get the heck out! I've got some windows to replace!”

A bright light filled the entire place, and a few seconds later, the ten survivors of the Saloon Brawl found themselves back on the Noah's Saloon. It was night time, all the ships around them had disappeared, and Ferrust was on the far side of the ship, admiring the sea. He gazed at the players, his reassuring smile painted on the face. “Hey there, guys and gals! Glad you could make it. All the others have already logged off, and they've been sent in the waiting list to join other classes. Let's stop talking about them though, 'cause congratulations: you've all succeeded in joining me on your first adventure!”

He approached them, still smiling. “Stop looking at me like that! I'm your Mentor now, so we'll have to communicate if we want to move on! Oh, wait, I know! Now that our class has been formed, I assume I should reveal my identity. Not a very professional way to do stuff, but here goes. Name's Fabius Beeblo, alias Ferrust. My Class is Technocrat, and my Style, Weapon Master. I'm a 36 years old married man who's a gamer at heart. I don't really have any hobbies, though, but you guys can share yours if you want. So? Who's next?”

“Hiiiii, Mr.Rusty!” Kamikaz exclaimed loudly. “Please, can I call you Rusty?”

“Keep the Mister in there, I actually like it. So who are you?”

“Ah, so Mr. Rusty it is, then. I'm Kazia, alias Kamikaz, and I'm fourteen years old! My Class is Warrior, and my Style is Inquisitor, 'cause I wanna burn some peeps! Freedom's mah jam, I love animals, admire demons and I'm definitely a gamer! And then there's this guy!”

She speedily walked towards Mettrick, who sighed, expecting her next move. She grabbed his head and locked it under her arm, grinning like a child who just found a present for his birthday. She promptly kissed said present on the cheek, and Mettrick blushed again, an angry light dancing in his eye.

“That's Lil' Met!” Kamikaz continued, blissfully unaware of Mettrick's anger. “C'mon, pet, don't be shy, talk to the crowd!”

“I'm not your pet!”

“You are!”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am NOT!”

“Are too! And you need to say who you are anyway, so go ahead! C'moooon, Mr.Rusty's gonna be happeeee!”

“...I hate you.”

“But you're so adorable when you're grumpy, you blush every time!”

“...My name is Midas Tromett, alias Mettrick. My Cla–”

“So apparently your Mom gave you that weird name 'cause she saw it in a legend somewhere?”

“Shut up, Kaz, they don't need to know that! My Class is Warrior, and my Style is Myrmidon. I love architecture and huge constructions, I'm thirteen years old, and I love video games. Done! Now let me go!”

“Aaaaaw, but I don't wanna!” she replied, rubbing her cheek against his.

“Seriously, why is that contact so realistic?” he grumbled, trying to get away.

“Kazia,” Ferrust interrupted, utterly ignoring Mettrick's situation, “you forgot to mention your last name. You might want to mention that like everyone else will.”

Kamikaz suddenly became slightly pale. Mettrick sprung forward and freed himself from her tight grip. She barely noticed it. “...Oh, right. I'm… I'm Kazia Shirby.”

Ferrust's eyes widened, and a few other players looked at her, surprised as well. “Wow. You… You look quite different from–”

“Yes, I know. But I… I hated that dress. I just wanted to change my look again. It's not important.”

Mettrick frowned, surprised by her unusual serious expression and sweet tone. He had already seen that before...

“Well,” Ferrust continued, “I did not expect that name to come up any time soon, but rest assured, I don't really care. You're a pupil like everyone else.”

She smiled. “Thank you, Mr.Rusty.”

The Mentor nodded. “With that out of the way, who's next?”

Diabolsaur marched in, grinning. “Hi there! Name's Valko Sordon, alias Diabolsaur. My Class is Warrior, and my Style's Parasite. I practice several martial arts, 'cause I really like that, and I also like studying about things of the past. Human history, ancient beasts, all of that. Oh, and I'm fifteen!”

Another player marched in, smiling as well. He was dressed like a Wild West gunslinger.

“'Sup, y'all,” he began, putting a hand to his hat. “Name's Zachary Delrobbi, alias TriggerZ. I'm seventeen years old. My Class is Teknocrate, and my Style is Marksman. I love guns and everything about them, don't ask why, it's just my thing. I'm also a fan of extreme sports, and I'm a decent artist.”

The wizard-looking player next to him stepped forward. He had short brown hair tied up in a top ponytail and bore a dark green mantle with a jolly roger painted on the back: it was a black and yellow nuclear emblem surmounted by a green skull with red eyes. He was also holding a large, metallic white staff, on top of which rested a sphere shaped like a red eye with a vertical black pupil.

“Greetings, players,” he said solemnly. “I go by the full name Ray Belphegor Worbyson, but Ray Worbyson will do. My nickname is Exceedjinn. My Class is Mystic, and my Style, Enchanter. I am the son of Glintus Worbyson, and I plan to follow in his footsteps by studying light and its various forms and effects. Who knows, maybe I'll end up inventing something revolutionary at some point. At any rate, I am seventeen years old. Nice to meet you all.”

Ferrust nodded, smiling. “Same thing for you, Mr.Worbyson. No special treatment just 'cause your Dad's a famous guy.”

“Don't fret, Mentor Ferrust. I didn't expect to be treated any differently from others anyway.”

That's not what your tone says...” Fulguro couldn't stop himself from thinking. Several looks and reactions from other players led him to believe he wasn't the only one thinking so.

Another wizard-like player approached, nodding politely to every player before saying anything. His character had a light blue skin, shinning red eyes, an Astral Flame for hair and an exorcist black and white suit decorated with a cape. He almost looked like some kind of super hero.

“Hi everyone!” he said in a very deep voice. “Name's Danny Valmondir, alias Morkant – not my most original nickname, but you'll have to deal with it, heh. I'm a Mage Class and Phantom Style guy, and I'm nineteen. Now, I don't know about you, but I really like reading everything that's related to paranormal activities, things that we can't explain. That's mainly why I chose to be what I liked, heh. Hope we'll all get along!”

Another player approached, and this time it was a girl. She had long raven black hair tied in a messy ponytail and attached with a big red ribbon. She was also wearing a Summoner's tunic: a thin green sweater over a simple black shirt, a black skirt, equally black tights and a brown opened cloak. But instead of a staff, she had a belt and a small bag attached to it, which certainly contained whatever magical artifact she had as a weapon.

“Hi there,” she said, uneasy. “My name's Saki Shinsnek, alias Sheenobi. I'm sixteen years old, part of the Anthrofys Class and Summoner Style. I like tarot cards, games of chance and magic stuff. That's all I think.”

Next to Fulguro, Yatsu stepped forward as well, joining the circle of players. “Greetings, people!” he said, a joyful tone contrasting with the frozen expression mask. “Name's Yemon Kyumie, alias Yatsu! My Class is Mage, and my Style is Shaman. I'm sixteen years old, and I love drama, fairy tales and telling stories to people. Hope you'll like me!”

Fulguro smiled before joining the circle as well. “Hey there, people. Name's Ross Telsorn, Alias Fulguro. My Class is Mage, and my Style is Cyborg. I'm also sixteen. I like technology in general, but I really like stuff about electricity. I also like watching cartoons of all kind, so really sorry if that sounds immature for some of you.”

Dude?” Ferrust interrupted, perfectly imitating a street thug accent. “I'm 36 and I'm playing a game with kids to make them learn stuff. Throw your social expectations out of this ship, please.”

The pupils laughed, agreeing with their Mentor. Everyone turned to the girl with the fox mask, looking at her expectantly. She stepped forward, utterly stoic.

“My name is Jingan Kangela,” she began coolly, “alias J. Class: Warrior. Style: Kipura. I'm seventeen years old, close to eighteen. I like dancing. I don't like people. But I'll manage with you guys. I have to anyway. Where are we going, Mentor?”

She had almost thrown her words to their faces, as if willing to get rid of them as quickly as possible. Even Ferrust had trouble keeping his smile on his face. “Oh, um… Don't worry J, I'm getting to that. But... Why such a short nickname?”

“I have my reasons. So where are we going?”

“...Right. And to answer your question, well, look behind you.”

She did as she was asked, and the entire group followed her movement. The Noah's Saloon was approaching what seemed to be a huge island. On it was built what looked like a city-sized castle with solid-looking green roofs and a huge emblem pained on the humongous frontal door, said emblem being enlightened in such a way that they could all already see it: a crimson red turtle shell with shinning lava pouring out of it.

They all gazed at Ferrust, awaiting a detailed explanation.

“Welcome to The Citadel of Ire,” he said, smiling. “The place where our fun times begin!”


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Sun Sep 02, 2018 9:59 pm
BrumalHunter wrote a review...



Salutations, again!

This is my actual review for the day, but I couldn't simply write it without leaving a comment on the first chapter beforehand. I'm trying to keep my reviews short so as to prevent both getting carried away and the subsequent burnout. Let me know what you think of the style!

First off, eesh, this is a longish chapter. Now, I totally don't mind reading long chapters, but reviewing them is always trickier. Don't you dare touch the length simply because the word "long" comes up, though. If it's too long, you'll know.

Now, then. Those abilities are awesome! Very basic, but very useful. I'd love to play such a game, based simply off what I've seen so far which really isn't much. Whether I'd want to continue playing it after starting would depend entirely on the gameplay. The Solo Quest seems like a good mechanic to have people decide what they'd like, and the class already seems more unique than what you'd usually find. I suspect you would do exactly the same as Fulguro here, if you were personally playing. ;P Oh, but two technical points: in Thunder Shaper's description, you said "allow" instead of "allows", and in the achievements, you said "series Complete", with the former of those two being the only uncapitalised word in the line.

Mettrick has an unexpected build. Fulguro's itself is generally unexpected, but perfectly suited to your needs, since I know you. I am surprised by the stigma surrounding the build, though. And hey, a Myrmidon controls minions! A cool twist of what the trope usually is, since I'm accustomed to ant warriors being controlled.

You succeeded in making Ferrust a chilled dude! Fulguro and Mettrick are obviously (I must enjoying the italics today) going to be in his class, and they're lucky to be in that position. He must be an excellent mentor in any case, if you need to compete for his tutolage. I also love how he, as well as Fulguro and I presume the other characters, is self-aware. Details like that make any kind of fiction more enjoyable. Err, Ferrust "giggling" seems out of character, though, but I'll leave that up to you.

I'm going to skip ahead and only mention the most important points now, since I'll otherwise be here for quite a while. Pardon me if I rely on a bulleted list.
• I notice you use "teenager" a lot. You're allowed to swap it out for "boy" or Fulgoro's name every now and then.
• It's way too early to be describing Mettrick's grin as "signature". This is, what, the sixth or so (A5) page of a novel? *checks* Ah, fifteenth. Yeah, the reader is growing accustomed to Mettrick, but there's no way they can agree that he grins a lot just yet. It's too soon.
• Aaand here's the androgynous tomboy! I think "small fries" would work better, since she's addressing them in the plural. I like Yatsu's response (I think his name was also used in RWBY, but that character's name meant some kind of food, which probably isn't appropriate here), and I also like that Fulgoro decides to take on the loud-mouthed Kamikaze.
• Diabolsaur is... something. Good gosh, there are three different incarnations of Razzy here. It's unbelievable! XD
• Whoa, dear. When Fulguro uses his Thunder Shaper: Wave Form, it apparently goes meta and blasts the end of the sentence into pieces. You might want to look at that. The Gi Diabolsaur uses to counter it is awesome, though! I very creative fighting style.
• Ooh, mysterious lady appears! I wonder what made her single Fulgoro out as an ally or worthy opponent, as she could easily have taken him out. Probably the latter. She reminds me of Weiss; admittedly, dancing + rapier is a logical combination. Oh, and it's a wasted opportunity for using the word "vixen", but ah, well.
• With so few players left in the salloon, their personalities are definitely starting to show. With all of them in the same class, it will make for some fascination character interactions! I especially find it intriguing that Mettrick and Kamikaze already know each other. Poor little dude.
• Hah! The battle ended without the group being aware that they were almost there. It reminds me of how I sometimes crush the bosses in 20XX in less than half the time it would take me otherwise.
• Fabius Beeblo? Where in the world is that a common surname? I must know. XD
• We'll learn in time what the significance of Kaz's surname is, but it's a much-needed hint as to her hidden personality. I'm not sure why you swapped to Mettrick's perspective to comment on that, though.
• Zachary's class is "Teknocrat", but I'm pretty sure you said "Technocrat" earlier in the chapter. I might still remember his name, as an interesting note, but the others' will get stuck in my memory with time.
• I love that Rusty is immediately just like, "Nuh-uh, begone with your stereotypes! This entire place defies society!"
• Hmm, yeah, J emanates mysterious-and-abrupt-girl all the way. Ugh, all of these characters have such potential, and knowing you, it's going to be fun seeing them grow.

Well. That turned out to be longer than expected. I'll need to refine my style for future chapters. Anyway, you picked a good place to end the chapter! "Castle of Ire" sounds so cool, and it's a neat reference to "fire", at that. Leaving letters out is a severely underrated referencing technique.

I look forward to what awaits me! I might not review everything in one go, but considering that there are only twenty submissions in total, I could conclude everything this month! That'd be epic! We'll see. ^_^




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Sat Aug 01, 2015 9:04 pm
ClackFlip says...



Welp, there ain't much to say that hasn't been said. So I'll leave this one at that.




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Mon Jul 27, 2015 7:22 am
EnderFlash wrote a review...



I blame San Francisco and my parents for not being first! D:

Anyways, I'm going to briefly agree with Buggie's name-dumping statement, because wow there are a lot of new terms and characters. Since that's done, let's move on!

This chapter, for me, was a lot harder to read than the last one, partly because the action seems pretty cluttered. There's pronoun confusion at times, and this input of new classes and moves and all that just makes me go 'Wat?'. This is actually a pretty minor complaint, though, since I'm hoping that I'll get things as the story progresses. I usually do. Again, it's not bad (it's actually pretty epic), it's just... I can't find any other words for it than cluttered. Repeating, shame on me.

The paragraphs that introduced the dancer was awkward, and by that I mean you reused the word dance at least three times. Why not be more specific and tell us the graceful moves she made? Instead of dodge, describe the quick steps she used.

I don't want to nitpick too much, so I'll just tell you to review your works for grammar issues and wrongly placed punctuation marks. See, this is the thing about not being first. Other people are taking my compliants! Mainly, Buggie stole all my stuff. Why, Buggie? I thought we were friends!

Let's get my impressions down.

1. I'm going to be a very judgemental person and list out who I probably will like or dislike. It's what I always do! :D I think I'm going to like Diabolsaur and Worbyson. Dia for being awesomely crazy (people who make their first appearance by impossibly sliding in their sandals gets a +20 from me), and Worbyson for seeming like a slightly stuck-up, deadpan prick. Please tell me he's like that. I will probably hate Kamikaz with all my soul. >_> I really don't like her personality.

2. I never watched SAO, but I'm familiar with this virtual-reality stuff because lots of other manga have it. I look forwards to seeing how yours will distinguish itself!

3. Mett's a myrmidon? Hell yes. And it's totally not just because Fire Emblem myrmidons are all awesome.

4. GUMMYGATORS MIGHT MAKE A RETURN. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ALL HAIL THE GUMMYGATORS




TinkerTwaggy says...


It's absoutely fine if you're not first, lol.
SHAME ON YOU. SHAME ON YOUR PARENTS. SHAME ON SAN FRANSISCO.
Ahem.

And yes, the point if for the reader to understand as things go, as i'll deliver more information on Muster Heroes as the story advances. Hopefully, you'll understand more things by the next chapters.

Aaaaaaaand yeah I didn't study words related to dancing enough to make that description ebtter, which is something I should totally work on.
And about those FREAKIN' nitpicks, dear gosh, I re-read my chapter 3 times a day for one entire week, and I was still clumsy enough to let those stupid typos and grammatical mistakes poison this very important chapter. GAH. I hate myself for that.

Now, about your impressions...

1. I kinda expect people to enjoy Diabolsaur's crazyness, yes, I had fun writing the part witht he sandal slide, lol. I think he's gonna do those a lot.
As for Exceedjinn, oh yeah, he's totally a stuck-up jerk, lol. Now the big problem is being able to portray that, but I should be fine... I hope.
And everyone (but me) will most certainly hate Kamikaz, though don't worry, she'll evolve. A lot.

2. I encoutered the virtual reality concept since Megaman Battle Network and Pulseman. The Battle Chip system of the former is really what got me into writing a story with that setting, personally (so years before SAO ever came out), so yeah, definitely not SAO-inspired. As for the way I'll make this unique... Eh. You'll see ;)

3. Lol. Thankies :3

4. GummyGators shall never disappear. They shall tastefully conquer the world, and submit the humans to their cuteness, bite after bite, jelly after jelly.
FOR THE GUMMYGATORS.



EnderFlash says...


Oh, Megamn Battle Network! My brother had an old MBN 5: Team Protoman, and I tried it for a bit, but I ultimately ended up selling it on 99Gamers to buy more 3DS games. Haha...



TinkerTwaggy says...


You have no idea what you missed.
Not even joking, you really missed a great series. That game, especially, is pretty good. But oh well. I hope the 3DS games were worth the shot.



EnderFlash says...


I got Kirby Triple Deluxe, which I later sold for Fantasy Life :P I never played the MBN 5, so I can't really compare them, but I GUESS it was worth it...



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Sun Jul 26, 2015 7:04 am
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Ventomology wrote a review...



Heya! I have returned for the weekly review.

Uh... I'm not really sure what to say as an introduction thing, so I'll just go straight to the notes.

Note 1: You totally name-dumped. I'm sort of disappointed, but given the nature of the story, I suppose it can't be helped. I expect great things in the characterization of these classmates. (Also, I expect pictures! The armor and weaponry sound epic.)

Note 2: It is so totally about appearances.

So yes, I think your costumes are cool. I also think you are capable of describing them in ways that make them cool regardless of whether or not they actually are. (When the characters talk about other people's clothes, that is a totally different story. Don't worry about that stuff.)

How about an example?

Aside for the massive three-headed spear the player was holding, his chest was protected by a heavy obsidian chest plate, which was decorated by an emblem.
In your description of Kamikaz, you use the word 'was' three times (passively!) in one sentence. Granted, it's a long sentence, but still.

Instead of having things protected by, or decorated by, just have the armor protect, and let the emblem decorate. Objects can have actions! I shall demonstrate:

A heavy, obsidian chest plate, decorated by a blazing (okay I totally added that in) emblem, protected the player's chest, and he brandished a massive, three-headed spear... (I would add in some more stuff about the spear.)

See? By removing 'was,' you can reduce your wordcount and say more. (Mine was 21, the original was 26) It's very dramatic, easy to say aloud, and still gets the point across.

Note 3: Electricity can do a lot, and so can you.

I was struck by how often you used the word 'electric' or 'electricity' for Fulguro's attacks. Remember: electricity has a presence--a shocking one! (Badum-tss) Use this to your advantage. Rather than an 'electric punch,' let Fulguro's fist fizzle and pop. Let neon yellow coat his armor and crackle as he cackles. When he makes contact, tell us the smell of burned hair and how static races through the air.

There is so much you can do with magical attacks, Tort. Experiment a bit, watch some Pokemon, and step away from the game for a moment. Your background in gaming is what gives you a niche, and you should totally embrace it. Just don't let it hold you back in the small things.

Now then... impressions!

1. I know I just criticized you for name-dumping and giving me tons of characters with all at once. Let me also compliment you on how well-formed they are. (Also, thank you for the ladies. I was sort of worried until Kamikaz turned out to be a girl.) From the platform comes a unique way of characterizing each person. They are no longer defined in appearance by genetics, but entirely by choice, and it says a lot. Good job!

2. Ferrust is super awesome. He reminds me of my second-grade teacher, who is basically the coolest person ever, aside from my tiny little English teacher from last year. I like this guy.

3. I am waiting to see what the goal of your story is. Enderflash's is already taking a pretty dark turn and will definitely involve a lot of moral-testing, and knowing you, I half expect something really crazy to happen next that will point me in the direction you're headed. Currently, I expect teamwork and acceptance to be the biggest themes.

Well, I should go sleep. This was a really long chapter, and I did not expect to spend so much time on it. The tone and action was refreshing though, and I thoroughly enjoyed the thrill.

Good job getting through another week!
-Buggie




TinkerTwaggy says...


Hi there Buggie! it's fine if you don't have an introduction, The review matters more anyway!

Answer to note 1: Well... Yeah. I mean, that's kinda the point of this whole identity presentation thing I mentioned last chapter, so i kinda had to. Was that wrong?
(Pictures? uhhh... I'm a terribe artist, but maybe I can find some.)

Note 2: Oh. Is it? I just described/developped their costumes and appearances so far, but not their personalities yet (though I did show a bit of these here).
That aside, riiiiiiiight. Personalized descriptions. I should totally work on that too, thanks for mentioning it.
And yes, totally had trouble with describing the electricity, it also generates light and all, I have plenty of verbs for that. Wasn't original enough with that.


1. (Well I mean I wasn't going to make this a men-only class, I'm a fan of diversity, after all, lol) Thanks, glad I got one good thing out of this name-dumping.

2. I actually had to think of how my coolest teachers behaved for this guy, so glad you like him!

3. This first arc isn't going to be too crazy, actually (I mean compared to what I've planned next), but yes, teamwork and acceptance are definitely going to be a part of this.

Enjoy yoru nighty-night time, and thanks for reading through this much longer chapter. Glad you liked it overall.

Thanks! You too, as I have yet to read Ender's, Astral's and your story.



Ventomology says...


Name-dumping is generally discouraged, but I understand that it was necessary for this. We all have to do ice-breaking activities at some point.



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Sun Jul 26, 2015 3:41 am
Rurouni wrote a review...



Hi! Ruro here to review.

So um, I haven't read the first chapter or anything (is there is one), so try to uh, tolerate my newbie ness with this story XD

I liked it, I assumed when I started reading you're a fan of SAO (Sword Art Online), and that's what kept me reading because this is a bit long and tedious. None the less, it was rewarding.

So I'll go ahead and get into it, I just have a few things.

Following the color pattern, a dark blue helmet with a futuristic-looking visor was placed on his head...

HOW is it futuristic looking? My futuristic and your futuristic are probably different, so maybe give us some more detail.

“But unfortunately,” he continued, this isn't about me, or at least not yet...


You need a quotation mark before the word, this.

He put away his sword and cracked his oversized knuckle...

I personally feel like it should be knuckles.

Some classes will ahve more than ten players...

Minor typo :-) 'Have'

Perfectly polished glass were covering the various windows of the construction...

In this context I believe it should be was covering. For example:
The blanket was covering her shaking form.
The windows were dark.
Hopefully that helped.

The guardian warrior Fulguro was fighting was pushed away...


I'm not too sure what you meant here, maybe you could reword it or something?

“Kamikaz's crazy grin appeared once...

Ah minor typos, you don't need the ".

Now the following are what I really, really, really, disliked, I'll put them all in one quote box.

“Hiiiiiiii,...
C'moooooon, Mr.Rusty's gonna be happyyyyyyy!”
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaw...

I do get that you're trying to draw these out but they're all very annoying to me personally. If you want us to get the notation she's drawing it out, you could say,
"Hi!" She drew out her vowel in a long sing songy voice
"C'mon," she drew her o out.
"Happy!" She squealed. < Honestly, the original doesn't add at all to the sound. Happy, it'd be Happeeeeeee. Eh, who says that?
"Aww," she drew out her 'a' to further her disappointment.

One last thing:
jolly roger painted...

Jolly roger O.o what's that?

Overall? Good, I enjoyed reading it when I got to the end. There are some things you could fix and I listed everything I saw above. I hope I helped you :-)

Happy review day!

~Ruro~




TinkerTwaggy says...


I'm actually a fan of Log Horizon, Megaman Battle Network (which came out much before SAO) and Accel World. I find SAO a bit too rushed for my taste, but eh, it was enjoyable.

Now, on to commenting your review!

-Point taken. I should've made a reference for that futuristic. I'll be sure to correct that.

-I freakin' hate typos XD but thanks, I'll correct that too.

-Well yeah, but he's got only one oversized knuckle.

-No, I mean yes, you're right, but that's also a typo, I meant to write "was" before covering. Allow me to correct that (darn it, and there I thought I got rid of most of these after re-readin' it several times, lol)

-I should've said "the Guardian Style warrior Fulguro was fighting". Makes more sense considering this whole class and styles thing that's going on in the chapter. Thanks for pointing that out.

-They're supposed to be annoying. Because Kaz, as a character, has annoying manneurism in front of people. Remember how Yatsu said she was an annoying chatter-box? The point of these is to show the reader that that's what she really is. So if you found that annoying, welp, I succeeded.

-A jolly roger is a pirate emblem. I thought that was common knowledge, maybe I should've added "the pirate emblem" somewhere in that text...

Thanks for the review, that was helpful, that's for sure. Good luck on the Review Day!




You have light and peace inside you. If you let it out, you can change the world around you.
— Uncle Iroh, Avatar the Last Airbender