Published September 28, 2010
Love is a malicious gift,
Delicious torment,
A toxic kiss.
Love, from whence this poision drips,
Destroys my will,
My will to live.
This burning pain is all I have,
To remind me of what once was mine.
These scars are tokens of what once was,
And what once was meant to be.
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139,467 Literary Works • 672,571 Reviews
This is a really good poem
really, really liked this. The flow was excellent and as i was reading the first few lines, i think i came across some rhyming too; but that might just be the way i read it. As some other reviewers have pointed out, you did use a few clichés throughout but it really doesn't matter because they just added to the piece.
I do think however that you could have talked about what love means to you and how you feel about it rather than using clichés, but it was a really good poem.
Overall: a great poem, that maybe could use some tweaking and your own thoughts added, but a good poem.
Ooh, I really liked it! Catchy, yet easy to understand. Fun, but not boring.
This was a really nice poem. It was simple and sweet to the point. You did a good job.
Keep writing.
~Dannielle~
Really nice poem...very unique and original.
"Love is a malicious gift" this is quite wonderful.
To be honest, the cliche is really nothing. It doesn't need to be changed because sometimes poetry is filled with cliches, and this one works better with it. I love it.
It's emotive.
It has a wonderful rhythm.
It's open for interpretation, what more could you possibly want?
You really ought to keep writing. I love this.
-GhostlyImpressions.
i really loved this poem!
1. the flow was very good
2.you have used some great words
3.it was very creative
keep writing!
i don't know much about poetry
but i like this your rhythm was good and flowed nicley .
this is a lot better than anything that i'd be able to come up with , again i suck at poetry so i can't really give you much advice
i've never really heard that cliche before but ok
keep writing dude you have SO much potential
keep it up!
I liked it, the style was enticing and I generally favour poems which are left open to vivid interpretation.
Try and improve your vocabulary.
Mmmm... I liked the rhythm for the most part, you drifted away from the nice you had in the beginning towards the end. And as it has been stated above, parts did seem rather cliche, particularly this part, for me anyway.
I do however disagree with the comments about the first part, I thought it was a great poem to start. My last comment is also directed towards the end.
You repeat "once was" and it got a little tiresome to repeat it as I read it. Otherwise, I liked it alright, and I think it has promise. Go back and work on it, that's what all greats do! Hope this helped.
-J.R.S.
The ending was unsatisfying and didn't have much substance.
You need better words if you're going to include such a simple statement
I Don't usually like the 'oohhh death ooohh gloom' style but this was a nice line for me,
Good word choice but talking about love as 'poison' is over done. The beginning has no real hook.
Keep writing, Kat.
I agree with BlueAfrica about the cliche - you use many throughout the poem and I think you could do well to add your own imagery as to what love is. I really like this:
Something about its brevity seems very honest to me. Tiny note - you spelled "poison" wrong. Hope this helps!
Cool poem...loved the rhythm.
Decent poem, but I think "delicious torment" is a bit of cliche. If possible, maybe try to come up with something not so over-used...