Reasons why you shouldn't hate The Great Gatsby

by ToritheMonster

Published September 20, 2011

So, my Literature class is quite opposed to The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Well, being a nerd, I actually read it and understood it, and have the ability to A. form coherent sentences and B. appreciate good literature. Hence this.Worded in language even a low-level priss can understand.

EDIT: This is meant for slightly reproachful humour purposes, not as a review or anything serious. It was originally a Facebook blog.

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1. Gatsby's one obsessed motherfucker. He builds a fucking house so he can watch Daisy 24/7. In the begininng when Nick walks by and sees Gatsby staring at the light on Daisy's dock, reaching for it, and fucking trembling? Fucked up.

2. Gatsby has a fucking notebook filled with Daisy-related items. He lives his life just. for. her. If that's not a stalker, I don't know what is.

3. Gatsby wears pink suits. I mean, come on. Pink suits.

4. Also, he calls everyone "old sport." He's fucking dandy.

5. Daisy has a fucking kid and doesn't give a shit. She's like, oh, I have a daughter? I'm going to go sleep around and kill a bitch. She can chill with her nanny.

6. Daisy's a heartless BITCH. I mean, she doesn't give a crap about Gatsby. She lets him get killed and then is like "Oh. Well, Tom has money. So... yeah."

7. Tom fucking slaps the shit out of Mertyl's face.

8. Mertyl gets her fucking boob torn off by a fucking car.

9. Nick gets drunk as hell, ends up in some random dude's apartment. While the dude is in his undies.

10. Tom just doesn't give a shit. Wife's boring? Whatever. Mistress dies? Whatever. Guy shows up with gun at his door? Doesn't care. Gatsby dies? LOL THAT WAS ALL ME.

11. Jordan is a bitch. "Hey, you love me? LOL, I just got randomly engaged."

12. George is a suicidal maniac who thinks locking people in a small room is a good way to rehabilitate them.

All in all: Cheating, stalking, obsession, murder, suicide, heartbreak, fucking pink suits.

There's so much more.... but when you're bitching about how boring the book is, take a gander over here.

The Great Gatsby? ME GUSTA.

Comments & reviews · 10
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Dreamwalker
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Dreamwalker commented Comment · Sep 29, 2011

As funny as this came across, the book was still horrendously dry :/.

Want a good F. Scott Fitzgerald book? Read Tender is the Night.

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ToritheMonster
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ToritheMonster commented Comment · Sep 21, 2011

Gracias!

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carbonCore
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carbonCore commented Comment · Sep 21, 2011

I've read Gatsby a while ago, and you're pretty much spot-on with all of your points. Hilarious read, good job!

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ToritheMonster
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ToritheMonster commented Comment · Sep 21, 2011

Heh, this actually was a ranting blog post, Twit. Well, Facebook document to be exact.Just meant to be humorous, not really a review. I just thought some of the literary- inclined on YWS might enjoy it. You're right on the drunk thing, but he does have a rather large drunk scene in the book so I... exaggerated. Anyway.

Thank yall.

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Ignatius5453
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Ignatius5453 wrote a review Review · Sep 21, 2011

When I read it, it didn't seem so exciting. And A. I can form coherent sentences, B. I am a fervent reader, and C. I appreciate good literature. You should make you own spark notes thingy-majigger and summarize very book like this, because as you would probably say: I enjoyed the fuck out of this

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Twit
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Twit wrote a review Review · Sep 21, 2011

This reads more like a ranting blog post than an actual review, and the language was a bit off-putting. Glad to see that you rated this appropriately, though. ^_^

I have to study The Great Gatsby for one of my classes this year, and John Green vlogs about it sometimes and just this evening I watched the seventies film, so I guess it's just destined for this to be a Gatsby day, lol. Nick doesn't get drunk all the time, though! Though seriously... pink suits. Ew.

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ToritheMonster
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ToritheMonster commented Comment · Sep 20, 2011

@Justagirl

Yup, it's very iconic classic American literature. Sorry if this was kind of a spoiler! But yeah, if you read the book, it's very interesting when you actually take the time to analyse it.

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Jas
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Jas commented Comment · Sep 20, 2011

lol.

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Justagirl
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Justagirl wrote a review Review · Sep 20, 2011

Hm... I WANNA READ IT! Now I can't WAIT to read it for my English class (well, not really my English class, my dad is making me read classic books... Would you call this a classic?)!
Yay!

Thanks for the great... Er... *Cough* Review? It was very funny, I have to say.

Anyways, see ya around!
-Just



But there was no goat man, there was NEVER any goat man!
— OSP Red