I see you looking like this thing is
official, must be a referee down blowing hard on his whistle
You sprung over someone who ain’t
even thinking of the issue, might be pregnant over someone who breaks you down
into them tissues
I don’t know, how you could love him like he heaven on earth, once he gets you on your backside, all he doing is lifting your skirt
I know it hurts, I see it through the
mud in the dirt, plant you out there like a flower for everyone to see, then
unbelievable hands, popping on you like fireworks
It’s uneasy for you, while working
from that nine to five; bruises on your body make you wanna turn to homicide
Those thoughts challenge the mind,
while you provide, hands to the little bundle of joy that was once, force between
your thighs
Held in the process while your belly
arise, as you look into the mirror, you see a fatherless child, reflection deep
down inside
Now after nine months of carrying his
child, you look into the newborn’s eyes, pretending like you don’t wanna smile
He so beautiful never thought he
would look like his father; it’s been an honor, raising him on Eminem album but
his daddy promotes the monster
Carry along as the baby’s mind starts
to wonder, growing up without a father, hurts him more than living back home
with his momma
Running away trying to fade back to
the memory day, when he first saw his father face, pushing in his momma place
Asking questions like he never had the chance
to waste, Daddy are you here for me or am I just other space
Without an answer this man turns to
cancer, Deadbeat daddy on the news graduated with his masters
Guidance from the pastors, bless
those who need help after, decisions of making it work, in the happy home
before the train disaster
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hey, Toothpick. Strange here and I have a quick review for you!
Quick note, that guy down there doesn't know anything about reviewing. He's new, so don't mind him. On to the review!
I genuinely liked this. The idea is somewhat dry. It really didn't keep me interested. I had to daze away, and regain my focus. That is one thing you can't fix, and you really don't need to.
Your lyrics are impressive. I could imagine Lucy Spraggan singing this, that's how good it is. The exact words you used made it flow fluently. It's like a river without rocks, and gracious skies. You did great on that part, it's just the idea that didn't work well. This is a song that I would turn the channel, but if it didn't have lyrics like these. You did great. Talking about pregnancy, tragedy, and death overall. Great job, Toothpick.
Overall, great job
Strange gives you...
8.9/10
Great job
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my magnificent friend