The fog licked the black lake. The harsh wind whistled through the trees while the sun set steadily behind the far-away White Mountain peaks. Holly stood at the edge of the water, her blonde hair blowing wispily in the wind. She was staring into the water. As if inside the water laid a treasure she had been searching for, for years.
Indeed that???s what lay in the water or rather in the reflection. She was staring at herself. Making eye contact with her own eyes for the first time in 450 billion years, but to her it was only a moment. The entire history of the universe had flown before her eyes as time unraveled midst the crushing gravity of the black hole. She wasn???t supposed to survive. They told her she wouldn???t. They told her it was impossible.
And yet, here she was: the impossible girl. She didn???t know where she was. She didn???t know where her young lover was either. Judging by her ability to breathe, she was on a planet of a friendly nature with an atmosphere, water, wind, and plant life. All of this was very important. An atmosphere of oxygen and nitrogen was very important for multi cellular life to form. Water meant that she could be nourished to some extent and not have her body shut down before getting any answers. Wind meant that something, presumably a star, was heating the world unevenly causing the stirring of winds, just as it was on Earth. Plant life meant that perhaps food was nearby.
Despite being called spaghettification, being crushed and stretched by a black hole provides little nourishment. Holly was as she was the moment she was pulled down over the event horizon of the black hole, a fully functioning human. She could think, talk, walk, and remember things she saw while dying. She remembered the pain of the initial pull. She had no control being sucked down. The normally happy disposition was replaced by one that had felt pain and seen things unimaginable to the average person.
Scientifically she was an anomaly. She was told she would die when they shut the door. That was the last thing they told her. They were wrong. As she was pulled into the black hole she felt her mind slipping, as if death was coming, yet her consciousness held strong. She saw the universe explode, expand, grow, change, become what we know it as, and time did not exist. The light of the universe was held within. Balls of light floated around her as she existed within the black hole. She reached out to them with her mind, her body being decimated, and could see their entire wavelength. She had the perspective of an eternal being. She had seen the future and the past. It was like falling asleep. She could remember every thought and moment, yet when she awoke on this new ground it was like it had never happened and she was alive once more.
And yet, with all her knowledge and all she had seen, she couldn???t answer every question. How am I alive? Why am I alive? And, where am I?
Holly grabbed a stick off of a tree and took it back to the edge of the pool. She dipped it in the water, and it burst into flames. The fire slithered up the stick to her hand and lapped at her fingers, yet she wasn???t burned and she felt no heat. She stuck her fingers in and the fire crawled up her arm. As she pulled her hand back the fire sucked back into the liquid pool. The droplets of the fluid dripped from her arms and fell as flames until the wind carried them away creating a beautiful tail snaking away from her.
???I guess that???s not for drinking.??? Holly said to herself. She had gotten quite u???No it???s not indeed.??? A deep voice said. It sounded as if it was right beside her and yet drew off at the end as if from far away. sed to having no one around to respond to her comments.
Having been tortured endlessly, Holly was scared of very little and startled by even less. She turned around to face the speaker.
As she stood, a man stepped out of the bushes behind her. ???Hello.??? Holly said.
???Hello indeed. I am extremely happy to find that you speak tongue of the milky way galaxy.??? He bowed in front of Holly and then stood straight. ???Captain Henry Stanton, leader of Titan. I???m pleased to see another human being.???
???Of Titan, the moon of Saturn???? Holly asked.
???Yes indeed. Have you heard of me???? Stanton seemed excited.
???No. I???ve heard of the moon. Is that where we are???? She looked around her.
???No miss. We have no name for this place. All the inhabitants here have fallen through a black hole and survived. There are many of us. For some reason they connect us to here all within a few thousand years of each other. We have started a civilization here. I am going to warn you though, it???s a melting pot.??? Stanton chuckled to himself. Clearly some unknowing humor resided within but he did not disclose this to Holly.
???Okay??? what???s the liquid in the pool???? Holly asked looking back.
???It is a highly flammable yet very harmless liquid. Our scientist has called it rubbing alcohol or a variant thereof. I don???t know what that is but apparently it is a cleaning agent billions of years in the future.??? Stanton spit into the pool. He apparently saw it as a nuisance. ???It smells of Gargons.???
???Gargons????
???Gargons are hideous creatures of great stature that my people were having a battle with before I enjoyed the dark voyage.??? Stanton said matter of factly. ???They lived under the surface of Saturn???s moons. When the first humans and cyborgs landed to colonize Titan, they crawled forth from their holes and battled our forces back off the moon. We eventually vanquished all of them in the milky way. They are a nasty race. Highly volatile and not very intelligent.???
Holly laughed to herself, ???Some would say the same of humans. Stanton, when are you from????
???3722 common era according to Earth???s reckoning, a marvelous time of expansion for the human race. We were led by President of the United Earth Alliance Kwan Li Muhandi, my brother.???
???I thought you said your name was Stanton.???
???It is. Presidents choose names like the ancient popes. They then change it. You would know him as Muhandi not Clark Stanton of Air Edinburgh.??? Stanton put a sack on the ground. ???Here, it???s not much but I can???t bring another naked woman home to the group. Last time we had a very awkward few minutes.???
Holly hadn???t noticed before but she was nude. The wind had been warm and the disillusionment of her dark voyage had rendered clothing obsolete and lowly on the totem pole of questions. Stanton handed her a tunic time of clothing as well as under garments made of wool.
???Do you have llamas????
???No, alpacas.??? Stanton stood and winked. ???How did you know????
???The clothing is made of wool.??? Holly said dressing herself.
???Ah yes. Very observant. I had never heard or felt this kind of material before but luckily our leader had. He was the first one here. He has been here for years we think. No one is sure but he leads our group and has found ways to survive. He organized the making of clothes. We all arrive naked. Night is very inhospitable here. We need all the warmth we can get.???
???Really? Anything I should know?
???You would prefer seeing it I promise you. It???s entirely indescribable. Truly something to experience. But we must hurry, we haven???t long. The sun is already setting behind the far mountains. Please follow me.??? Stanton beckoned to her as he hurried back into the bush.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hi Tommybear,
I'm pretty sure this is good, but I couldn't draw myself to read more than a few sentences. I guess this shows just how much paragraphs as treasured. I understand that this is a technical difficulty, and that aside I will mention one more thing that caught my eye.
I am a big fan of using three question marks during a conversation. I don't know why but I love it. However, in writing, I stick to one. It isn't necessary and it's not punctual.
Also, you need to punctuate dialogue. Instead of writing:
Hello??? Holly said , it should be:
"Hello?" Holly said. There needs to be punctuation marks. And also, if it's just one sentence, that's just a phrase or statement, it will be:
"That's a nice teddy bear," said Deanie.
The comma on the inside of the speech marks is really important. Must be there.
Apart from that, that was all I could gleam without actually reading the piece completely. I hope your able to resolve this difficulty soon though.
Deanie x
The punctuation and the paragraphs and the 3 question marks are fixed in the editing screen, but when I press complete, for some reason it reverts back to this. So unfortunately it is stuck the way it is. Sorry you couldn't get through it but thanks for the heads up.
Nothing will work. I even tried retyping the whole thing in the box. It didn't work. I'm lost
Maybe you should use paragraphs. I keep getting lost...
And what is with the question marks throughout the page?
Anyway I hope you take time to edit this.
It is a good story and the storyline is very very very very very very good but all you need to do is add paragraphs!
goodluck
For some reason unknown to me, my computer decided not to reformat the document for the website so it's all odd looking. Sorry! Thanks for trying to read it though
I don't understand why I can't just copy and paste from word without it having these problems. Really distracts from the piece
Wow the formatting is all messed up since it wasn't written on YWS. I'm sorry