This is a work in progress, so i need help. Please help if you are willing. Thanks guys, in advance
Don't be sad my little young son. I'm here.
You're all I Have. There is no one else. You cry
At the thought of losing me. Guess what? I do
The exact, same thing. My little boy, after
I am gone from this life, If there is a way,
I promise I will fight, to be your guardian angel.
I Will beg, plead, and bargain with God
Saying, "I didn't mean to leave him, down there
Alone. Please let me be there for him. He's my,
Only son." And He will start to weep, saying,
"I understand. After all I sent mine, Just so I
Could see yours again. Shawn, I grant
You your desire. Watch over him well. Soon you
Two will be united again. And we will
Hug our son." I love you Dad, and miss you most!
I'm at your funeral, raising a glass to the greatest Man I never got to Know.
(i changed the formatting dramatically. I thought it took away from the message too much.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
My favorite part of this whole poem, and the part that really caught my eye, was where it said
That really spoke to me. Thank you for posting this. I truly enjoyed reading it.
hello there,
This poem is amazing! It made my eyes teary. Thank you for touching my soul so, R.I.P to your Dad. Beautiful!
My favourite lines are:
#FF4000 ">The exact, same thing. My little boy, after
I am gone from this life, If there is a way,
I promise I will fight, to be your guardian angel.
I Will beg, plead, and bargain with God
Saying, "I didn't mean to leave him, down there
Alone. Please let me be there for him. He's my,
Only son." And He will start to weep, saying,
"I understand. After all I sent mine, Just so I
Could see yours again. Shawn, I grant
You your desire. Watch over him well. Soon you
Two will be united again. And we will
Hug our son."
Keep it up!! Love it!!
xxx Upile xxx
I thought this was amazing! I loved the format. I found myself urging to read the next line.
I'm sorry I did not find any edits. But the one thing that stood out to me was the word choice in the following line...
These words make it easy to imagine what emotions are being expressed in the poem. You have a very strong writing style and I admire the way you are able to put so much emotion into such a short piece.
I apologize that this is more a comment of praise instead of being helpful, but who ever said praise was a bad thing? Keep it up, nicely done!
-Jessa