It is 21st of October. Grand Pa died. He did not leave us as people say, he just died.
In church, I saw people, who stood by his grave, crying. And many too were amused, when I was smilingly staring at Grand Pa, holding his hand. Maybe they did not know the secret that Grand Pa and I only knew about.
They tried to make a day of funerals also gloomy and sorrowful, but why they do so? They dress in all black, with all those multi-colored cars. They stood weeping.
If he is there, Grand Pa would yell out:
-Get the hell out here! Enjoy your time doing what you want! What the fuck you are standing upon me crying about the life I lived?
And all those very seriously upset people would blame me for bringing a clown for Grand Pa, for not taking this all seriously. It was funny: their faces and words, even actions.
It is 21st of October one more time, the day when he did not leave us as people say, he just died.
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125,023 Literary Works • 672,878 Reviews
I loved this piece, although I think that you could have made it a bit more longer by giving a clearer picture of the going-ons and the environment.
Hello!
Nargles to review for you.
Now I haven't reviewed a short story in ages, so I'm sorry if it's not the best.
I found this story really interesting. It was a combination of sad, odd and beautiful, and it worked well.
It is a tiny bit too short. I think maybe adding another paragraph to tie things up and make things a bit clearer would be a good idea, but than again it is also nice at the length it is. So it is really up to you.
Now for grammar and punctuation-
"They tried to make a day of funerals also gloomy and sorrowful, but why they do so? "
This line reads really awkwardly and makes very little sense. I would reword to
"They try to make a day of funerals too gloomy and sorrowful, but why do they do so?"
See how that makes more sense. You have to use present tense as you are referring to more than one funeral. If you want to use past tense, which a recommend as the rest of the story is in past tense, do this:
"They tried to make the funeral too gloomy and sorrowful, why do they do so?"
You also use the wrong tense or the wrong arrangement of words in other parts of the text.
A lot of the lines read like a poem or a little nursery rhyme, such as "and many too were amused". This may have been intentional, but at parts it makes for it to seem awkward and interrupts the flow of the piece.
Simply watch that and hopefully it will read a lot better.
Sentence structure is important, and does effect how people read your writing. So work on that.
Also your title- while captivating and intriguing. You should have it as "Clown for a Funeral".
As for the story line and meaning of this text, well it was strange, and a good strange. You capture childhood innocence and the relationship between the boy and the Gran Pa well. As well as funerals and the idea of death and lose.
Overall a good story with an interesting idea.
Welcome to YWS and keep writing.
Nargles xx
This is a very intriguing and interesting piece of writing, so I will review for you
I like the different twist to it, but I think you could make it even better.
I really liked this sentence, and the meaning behind it but I think a semi colon would work better instead of a comma. I like how you finish on a similar note, too.
I would say that you used the word 'seriously' a little too much, so maybe try to think of a different word to use?
My main criticism would be to make it longer, because I don't think it is quite as effective as it could be. If you had included more detail, I think it could be even better, and I really enjoyed what you did write.
Well done, and keep writing!
Dragon here ready for a review okay!
Okay the story was a little odd but interesting at its times i found it sad then funny and also a bit worrying
My review out of 10
You get a
6/10 should have put more detail in there on how you felt or the person
and made the clown scary and funny at the same time with fear that he is a demon
Would be great
anyways
Remember to stay scary and to have fun
Dragon the only dragon that is real!