The night air blows crisp and cool,
escorting me along with the moon's watchful gaze,
guiding me through the frightening darkness of my mind.
A field crunches beneath my feet,
the sounds of nature ring true in my ears,
between the babble of brooks, chirping of crickets, and whistle of wind.
The moon is all but cancelled within a bubble of trees
as I enter into a forest,
but I've been through this path many times.
The animals around walk at my side;
I'm accepted here,
and I live with my primal family.
I soon reach a clearing with a single log in the middle,
clean, with flowers growing around it,
and I smile, having reached my room in this odd home.
A glorious mountain stands tall beyond the trees,
a magnificent waterfall adding to its beauty,
and here all creatures gather in peace.
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140,201 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Hello, TiwnSeed!
What a beautiful poem! You had really great imagery and your word choice was fantastic! I did find that the poem didn't have much of a meter, though. Having a stronger, more consistent meter will help the poem flow much better. You also had a great use of punctuation. I noticed that this was the only work you have posted on this site. I hope you will post more soon because you are a very talented writer and I would look forward to reading some more of your beautiful poetry!
Hello, TiwnSeed! Here to review your poem!
WOW. I honestly am amazed. I have said this to another talented writer, but this is a perfect poem. That is very, very rare. There's nothing to comment on, so I'll just say the things I loved about this piece.
Your capitalization is perfect. I finally don't have to repeat the capitalization lecture. I usually think of poems as sentences broken down into lines, and that the capitalization should be like several sentences.
Your word choice leaves me wowed. Have you ever heard of author Jerry Spinelli? He wasn't a poetry writer, but once I read his book, his word choice made me want more. It made me beg. Your poem does the same thing. Therefore, I compare your talents to a great author of 2014.
Punctuation is pleasant. I don't need to tell you to add more punctuation at the end of your lines.
Basically everything I can think of is perfect. I cannot express the respect I feel for you and the happiness I feel reading this peace. You made my day.
-wisegirl22
Hello,
This is really good. As I read this I saw it play out in my head. It makes me think of a type of Native American poem. It makes me think, of how some people pray for peace in the world. The only thing is if we had world peace, then we might not have the some of the poems that we do that are famous. Keep up the good work, I can't wait to read more of your work.
Hi!
This is my first time reviewing poetry (and I am no poet) so please bare with me.
I think this is a stunning poem. It's truly beautiful, and the wording creates a wonderful imagery.
The title is clever and it's written in a pleasing style (if that makes any sense). If one where to take time reading, they might find their mind drifting off in the world this poem presents to us.
Overall, amazing poem and nice job!
hey there, Tiwnseed!
What a nice piece. It had a particularly powerful ending. It's a good size, too; enough description, but concise enough to get a good point through in a small amount, which is a lot what poetry's about to me.
The title and description really caught my attention, so good job on that as well. This subject is quite personal and relate-able to me and hopefully to many other readers.
All this being said, I would have liked to see a bit more similes/metaphors/imagery of that sort. It's a lot of what I look for when I criticize poetry. There's usually room for extra!
Still, I liked your word choices and the flow of your piece.
One other thing I'd suggest only to make the format pop out a bit more [and look more pleasing, at least to my own eye] is to capitalize the first word of each line, regardless. Totally up to you; I just think it MIGHT look better.
Overall nice job! Keep it up
~iron.n